In the therapy room, shame – which we often hide, almost at any cost – frequently hinders progress. Clients sometimes conceal aspects of their behaviour they fear are shameful, such as viewing pornography, taking class A drugs, or losing their temper. This is because it is perhaps one of the most intense and complex feelings…
What is NVR? Non Violent Resistance (NVR) is a powerful, relational approach that supports parents facing violence, aggression, controlling behaviour, or destructive family dynamics. It is equally valuable for families who feel overwhelmed, depleted, or stuck in unhelpful patterns, even when violence is not present. At its heart, NVR helps families recognise unhelpful dynamics, build…
When disaster changes the course of life, the effects are rarely contained to the moment of crisis. The visible damage is often matched by hidden struggles that surface in the days, months, or years afterwards. In my own work, I have sat alongside people who have faced devastating events, and I have seen how deeply…
Is there an expectation that we will not have uncomfortable emotions? To have different emotions is to be human. Life is about feeling emotions. We notice our emotions and label them. Emotion is normal, we have to feel it to get past it. How we look at things and process information is based on our…
They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. These lines open Philip Larkin’s best-known poem, ‘This Be The Verse’. I still remember our English…
Perhaps a question that has occupied humans since the dawn of time, it may seem like an odd title for an article, however, the answer to this question in psychological terms is profound. What love is not Firstly, love is not really what most people believe it to be; the opposite of hate. Love can…
I have just watched the latest Netflix docu series “How to Become a Cult Leader?” and was pleased to see that images of the cult I grew up in appear in it with frequency, because it means it is undoubtedly and widely recognised as a cult. Familiar images of the cult leader doing “energy darshans”…
In recent weeks I have seen various articles espousing the virtues of having an ‘AI companion’ or chatbot friend. Apparently these are particularly popular with the younger demographic. One of these is ‘Replika’ – a prophetic name if there ever was one. Chatbot ‘friends’ are touted as being helpful in alleviating loneliness through to functioning…
Is it ever too late in life to change? Despite many decades of accomplished professional practice and conspicuous recognition for his achievements, the psychotherapist Irvin Yalom was stunned to discover he still had personal work to do. In his memoir, Becoming Myself , he recalls attending an academic event where he realises (1) he is…
Starting couple counselling can feel both daunting and anxiety provoking, especially if it something you have not previously undertaken. Knowing up-front what to expect can reduce some of the anxiety and enable you to focus on what you actually want to get from your sessions. Your counsellor or psychotherapist should be suitably qualified You are taking…
No, I am not addressing this to women caught in the age old story of young women fearing the passing of time and the urgency of finding a partner to start a family, although this is an important fact of life. I am thinking of what questions we might need to ask ourselves before we…
What a job it is to raise a child! So full of difficulty, so many moving parts in the process, so much resourcefulness and energy required. Then, just when the parent takes breath to admire their creation, off goes the young adult – at times with barely a backward glance. The parents are left behind…