Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy

Online Therapy
01273 921 355

by Leave a Comment

The Unconscious Mind

How do we bring to mind what is unconscious? Is it important to make this journey? These two questions are central to the therapeutic process of psychological therapy. When we are young we depend on our primary carer’s usually our parents, to hold and contain our emotional needs.

In childhood, none of us have a mature mind to guide us we rely on adults, siblings or our extended social network to help us grow into mature people. Siblings play an important role in our social development our place in the pecking order can determine how we deal later on with competition, rivalry our reaction to authority, etc. This effect can impact on us throughout our lives. Bringing to the conscious mind these experiences can help with regulation of our emotional responses as adults.

Our unconscious can exercise its influence on us leading to destructive patterns in our relationships with family, friends and work colleagues. This is often the primary motivation for people to seek out psychotherapy.

When we are grown up the experiences of childhood can exhort their influence on us leaving us bewildered at our difficulty in managing our emotional responses in everyday situations. It is as if a shadow is caste over us, we are driven by something beyond our control to act out.

Feelings, emotions and experiences from childhood or the accumulation of a long period of small daily undermining by family dynamics or bullying at school can lead to trauma. When we are traumatised, either by an event or the cumulative effect of oppression, our only escape is to detach. This may result in retreating into a fantasy world or addiction, compulsive behaviour or other psychological defenses in order to survive.

The work with the therapist or group on the unconscious allows us to revisit this hidden material. To experience in a safe environment the painful and disturbing events that triggered a defensive psychological response.

This blog to asks more questions than gives you answers. Its aim is to offer you whatever your age, ethnicity or orientation to consider looking at your own journey with greater understanding. You can follow-up this blog by watching a utube webinar “Three Ways of Connecting With Our Unconscious Mind” by Kirsten Heynisch’s, Clinical Psychologist’s description of accessing the unconscious and working with it. This can inform your work with the process of change in Individual or Group Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy.

 

To enquire about group sessions with Thea Beach, please contact her here, or to view our full clinical team, please click here.

 

Dorothea Beech is a Group Analyst with many years experience working in the UK and overseas.  She worked as A Group Analyst in South Africa as a Lecturer at Cape Town UCT and at Kwa Zulu Natal University in Durban, lecturing on a Masters Program in Group Work.  Her MA in Applied research was on Eating disorders. Her interests are in cultural diversity and trans-generational influences on the individual.  Thea is available at our Brighton and Hove Practice.

 

Further reading by Thea Beech

Groups for Mental Health

Group Psychotherapy in a post ‘Pandemic World’

Termination and endings in Psychotherapy

What is Social Unconsciousness?

by Leave a Comment

Analytic Therapy for Addictions

In this blog I want to briefly explore the analytic approach to addictions.  Freud stated that his aim in Psychoanalysis was to help the patient transform ‘hysterical misery into common unhappiness’. In Buddhism, a central concept is that of Dukkha, commonly translated as ‘suffering’, ‘unhappiness’, ‘pain’, or ‘stress‘. It refers to the fundamental painfulness of mundane life.

Henry David Thoreau (1854) declared that most men lead a life of quiet desperation.

As depressing as these concepts seem, the intention is actually to relieve suffering, that it is the excess of suffering that we visit upon ourselves by an excess of demand, the demand to be excessively happy, to criticize and shame ourselves for not being ‘good enough’, the sadistic internal voices that berate us for the shortcomings of what is often an unachievable internal ideal that creates an unbearable pressure.

Modern life is designed to sell us things. One the most successful early pioneers of advertising, Edward Bernays was a nephew of Freuds and advertising has very successfully realized that we are driven to buys things that we imagine will make us feel better about ourselves, that within the object brought is an identity of ourselves as, better, more desirable, happier etc, in short to offer us promises of less painful or even pain free lives.

Zizek notes that the unconscious ideology of today is the demand to ‘enjoy’.

In terms of addictions, especially the addictions, now facilitated by the internet, and even more so by the internet in the pocket, the phone; gambling, pornography and shopping, these promises are ever ready. Its is also worth noting that addictions can be hidden in seemingly healthy pursuits; healthy eating, work, exercising, that can also be used as an avoidance of emotional pain through compulsive stimulation.

There are broadly speaking two approaches to therapy and to treating addictions and their underlying causes, the conscious strategies and good advice model and the more exploratory underlying approaches. Both have their place and it may be necessary to utilize both to really address issues.

The first model; involves CBT and specialist structured interventions; – managing access to the source of addictions, keeping diaries, replacing destructive habits with healthier ones and these will be more advice led. Sometimes it may necessary to utilize these approaches to try and get something under control. However, what these models may not do is to really dig down and get underneath the causes of the problems. The addictions are often the symptoms of underlying traumas and difficulties, sometimes these are not conscious and this is where the analytic or exploratory approach focuses its beam. The problem with not doing this, is that in true wac-a-mole style, the underlying causes tend to resurface and one addiction will merely be replaced with another.

Lance Dodes (2019) an analyst specializing in addictions highlights three pertinent areas of exploration:-

  1. Feelings of helplessness or powerlessness, produced by specific situations whose meanings interact with prior traumas. In this situation the additive act or even just the decision to undertake an addictive act can help the person regain a sense of control. The exploration of the issues leading to these feelings can unpick the unconscious feelings leading to the urges and ‘allow anticipation of future addictive urges, with the possibility of mastering the behaviour.’
  2. These feelings of powerlessness are often related to past traumas and difficult experiences often in relation to the clients attachment history, which has led to internal feelings of powerlessness and corresponding feelings of rage against these feelings.
  3. These feelings are displaced into addictions, through therapy these feelings that were once felt to be overwhelming and unbearable can over time and within a strong therapeutic relationship begin to be able to be felt to be understood and able to be experienced, often through the experience of the therapist being able to face and contain the feelings with and alongside the sufferer.

Paul Salvage is Psychodynamic Psychotherapist trained to work with adolescents from 16-25 and adults across a wide range of specialisms including depression, anxiety, family issues, self awareness and relationship difficulties. He currently works with individuals in our private practice in Hove.

 

Further reading by Paul Salvage –

Loss

Post Natal Depression in Mothers & Fathers

The Therapeutic Relationship and the Unconscious

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Corona Virus …… is in my garden!

Early in lockdown I turned  to my garden for the first time in a long time and my thoughts took an interesting turn which I wanted to share with you.

I spotted the jasmine shrub which had overgrown and was ‘invading’ my garden!  It had put deep star shaped roots all over the garden which were impossible to pull out. It was a ‘threat’, ‘invasive’, ‘runaway’, ‘contagious’.

I felt a mixture of feelings as I contemplated the consequences of my gardening neglect…..

….. overwhelm –it’s everywhere,

….. I’m not strong enough to beat it,

….. It’s spreading to my neighbours,

….. It will overpower and kill everything………maybe it will kill me…….

Kneeling on the infected earth,   demoralised, defeated and sweaty,  I  reflected awhile.

My garden had become a metaphor for the Coronavirus.

I wondered how I could make use of this metaphor to help me to come to terms with this unprecedented shocking world situation which was turning mine and others’ lives upside down and inside out.

I realised that although I couldn’t personally make any inroads into conquering the Corona virus, my humble garden would be a  much smaller and more manageable project.

Renewed hope reconnected me to resilience and perseverance. I hacked and chopped, I cut and cleared,  I dug and dug with a fervour ignited by my hatred of this virus, this ‘C ‘ word.

I cleared, I sorted, I ordered.  I took a longer view.  I wouldn’t manage to clear this weed today but if I kept at it I might succeed. Onward.

And magically as my garden was transforming, becoming clear and free from jasmine chaos, so my mind was becoming  clear and free.  Clear spaces of rich brown fertile earth reappeared in my mind.

And in this clear space Creativity bloomed.  I began to imagine possibilities for planting, for creating a lush healthy future for my garden.  My garden became a visible and experiential  dis-confirmation of the prevailing world crisis. Where the news was predicting death doom and disaster, my garden foretold of  renewal, regeneration and growth.

My garden remains undeterred by Covid-19 and lockdown.  Ever since March 23rd it  has behaved exactly the same as it always has. Spring arrived as usual, the leaves unfurling from trees and shrubs, new life shooting up from the ground apparently back from the dead.  This absolute predictability, regularity, repetition, this infinite miracle of nature has offered comfort and connection for me in this time of isolation and powerlessness.

As a Dramatherapist I seek  to work with Metaphor, Symbol, Image as a way of re-presenting reality.  I seek to connect, those things which are held inside of us with those things which are on the outside.

 

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy is a collective of experienced psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors working with a range of client groups, including fellow therapists and health professionals. If you would like more information, or an informal discussion please get in touch with us by telephone or email. Online therapy is available.

 

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by 1 Comment

Anxiety, Fear states, Trauma

Why do we get anxious and fearful?

The anxiety /fear response is the brain’s way of trying to keep us safe and healthy. Anxiety serves as a faithful reminder of things which the brain assesses need to be avoided, based on past experience. Most of this experience is past or learned experience. This is important in understanding the role of anxiety and fear states.

Firstly anxiety and fear are natural emotions which are built into our biochemistry in order to ensure survival. The fright flight fight response takes place in the lower ‘old brain’ and is vital to promote survival. This is the area of the brain which we probably all have had some experience of in recent days and weeks with the Corona virus pandemic. This response is what we are seeing with a frightened population stockpiling food and resources and even fighting over supplies.

Secondly alongside the biochemical response of the old brain, we each have individual mental and emotional responses which are very variable

Understanding that the brain is a pattern seeking machine is really helpful here in understanding these variable responses. The brain simply reproduces a response based on past similar experience.

In order to treat anxiety we need to look at these patterns.

Different schools of therapy  have different approaches.

Behavioural  therapy looks at how thinking influences feelings and how to interrupt that pattern.

Psychodynamic therapy seeks to understand and connect past experience (which may be outside of our awareness) with the current response. A therapist can help the client to decontaminate, to understand, and process those experiences which may be outside of our awareness.

Creative psychotherapies such as Dramatherapy, Art Therapy and Music Therapy specialise in helping the client to access, process and release, out of awareness experience in very safe non directive ways. These therapies are especially indicated where there is trauma, neglect and attachment issues which are causing or contributing to anxiety and fear states.

Mindfulness therapy is very beneficial for anxiety,  fear states and panic attacks. It works by showing the client how to learn to place awareness in the body, the feelings, sensations- to  notice the thinking and then to return to body awareness. It becomes possible to observe thoughts passing as if watching a video, and then to return to the calm still space within the body.

Over time in mindfulness therapy, a new awareness begins to develop which interrupts the fear response. The mind develops an ability to dis -identify with the thinking, the feelings and the sensations which create and support the anxiety fear response. The ability to return to the still quiet space within is a skill that can be developed with practice both within and outside of sessions.

 

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy is a collective of experienced psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors working with a range of client groups, including fellow therapists and health professionals. If you would like more information, or an informal discussion please get in touch with us by telephone or email. Online therapy is available.

 

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), also know as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, is a thought to affect between 0.7 and 2% of the general population. While estimates vary, it is considered that the disorder is predominantly diagnosed in women (75%).

So what is BPD? On a generic level, BPD is characterised by having difficulties in how you feel and think about yourself and other people. This can manifest in feeling insecure in relationships and consistently worrying that people will abandon you. This can bring about intense feelings that are very painful and difficult to mange, and they can last anything from a few hours to many days. This can make it hard to make and maintain stable relationships as the intense emotions and abandonment fears can push other people away. People with BPD often don’t have a strong sense of self and will try to change who they are depending on the person they are relating to.

The difficult feelings that are associated with BPD can often lead people to act impulsively, have strong feelings of anger that are hard to control and often self-harming or suicidal feelings. At the most difficult times, they may also experience paranoia or dissociation.

The causes of BPD aren’t clear, but there are some factors that appear with most people that can lead to a diagnosis of BPD. These are environmental factors when growing up, such as feeling unsupported, afraid or upset, with little validation. Family difficulties such as addictions in the parents or any kind of neglect or abuse can also lead to BPD. In additions to these factors, having an inherent emotional sensitivity can also be a factor that can lead to BPD.

So what should you do if you have been diagnosed with BPD? The first thing to consider is whether or not the diagnosis is correct. BPD is a controversial diagnosis as in itself it is hard to diagnose. The disorder shares a lot of commonalities with other personality disorders, and also with other conditions such as depression, bipolar-disorder and PTSD. For some people the diagnosis is a relief as the difficult feelings they experience now start to make sense. For others, having the label of BPD is unhelpful and doesn’t seem to capture their experience. Whatever way you feel about your diagnosis, it is important to get help so you can learn to manage your difficult emotions.

While there are a few treatments available for BPD, the one that is recommended by the NICE guidelines is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). In DBT therapy, you will focus on acceptance and change. Accepting yourself is a fundamental part of building a sense of self, and leads the way to making positive changes in how you experience life. You will also start to learn emotional regulation skills so you are not swamped by difficult emotions, but instead learn to accept them and let them go. One of the key tools for this is mindfulness, as this allows you to really see what you are thinking and feeling, and allows you to distance yourself from these thoughts and feelings and stay rooted in the present moment. DBT therapy does take commitment to change, but it can allow you experience life in a more positive and balanced way.

Dr Simon Cassar is an integrative existential therapist, trained in Person Centred Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), and Existential Psychotherapy. He is available in our Hove and Lewes clinics and also works online.

Further reading by Dr Simon Cassar –

Online Therapy

Student mental health – how to stay healthy at university

Four domains – maintaining wellbeing in turbulent times

What is an integrative existential therapist?

What is Existential Psychotherapy – Video

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

New Year’s Resolutions – why change might be so difficult

The start of a new year feels like a good time to make resolutions to change your life. Cut down on drinking, learn something new, be more efficient, be kinder, be more sociable or get fit.

Gym memberships regularly peak in January, increasing by 10%-20% but how many of those new memberships are used? According to research by Fridge Raiders, published in the Daily Mail in March 2019, 23% of Britons have gym memberships but only 12% use them often. They estimate that more than 4 billion pounds a year is wasted on unused gym memberships.

The reasons given for the 50 percent who did not attend regularly or at all, were to do with feeling self-conscious or intimidated, thinking that everyone was watching, finding repetitive activity boring and not knowing how to use the gym equipment. These could be valid reasons but Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey think it goes deeper. They ask why do we stick with the status quo when we are unhappy or unwell and know that change will make us feel better or even make us live longer? Kegan and Lahey have been researching the resistance to change for many years. In their book Immunity to Change (2009) they discovered that strongly held values, often unconscious, prevented both collective and individual change.

The most quoted finding from their studies comes from interviews with patients with heart disease who were told they must change their habits around eating, drinking, smoking and exercise and take their medication otherwise they would die. Kegan and Lahey found that only one in seven was able to make the necessary changes. Making further enquiries they discovered that although patients recognised the imperative of their doctor’s advice there were deep seated beliefs that contradicted their desire to get well.

A composite example would be a man who said that cutting down on food and drink and taking medication for ‘old people’ would make him feel he was old and weak. This challenged his idea of himself as a competent man in the midst of a productive life. Beneath this was his fear of becoming incapacitated and dying that brought back memories of his father’s illness and death. At a deep level the fears that prevented him taking care of himself were the very things that were likely to happen to him if did not change his habits.

There are many other examples in their book. Another composite example would be a manager who wanted to be more collaborative and involve his team in decision-making.  Until he participated in the research he did not realise how much his fear of being a weak leader prevented him from being open to the ideas of others. This feeling stemmed from the unspoken culture of ‘you must be strong otherwise you won’t survive’ in the family he grew up in and was an integral belief about himself. When he could recognise this belief and its negative impact he was able to ask for support to change and eventually become a better and happier leader.

Kegan and Lahey’s research helps us understand why it might be so hard to change our habits to improve our lives. They offer an alternative to castigating ourselves for our indiscipline and lack of commitment and, I think, suggest that we begin by being kind to ourselves and curious.

 

References – 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6765171/Britons-spend-4-billion-year-unused-gym-memberships-new-survey-reveals.html

 

Angela Rogers is an Integrative Psychotherapeutic counsellor working with individuals and couples in Hove.

 

Further reading by Angela Rogers –

Viagra: Some ups and downs of the little blue pill

The Menopause – Women of a Certain Age

A couple state of mind

Men, Sex & Aging in Relationships

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Why do I do that? A Dramatherapist looks beneath the surface

I am a dramatherapist and I am talking today about one of my favourite subjects. I am going to explain the benefits of working with creativity in the therapy room.

When we are being creative we are using a part of our brain which does not relate to logic or linear time. This part of the brain thinks in pictures, metaphor and symbols. It is representational rather than objective. It endows personal subjectivity to our experience. It is what makes us human and unique. It records and remembers everything that has ever happened to us, every thought, every sensation, every feeling, every hope, every dream. What a storehouse of information waiting to be revealed!

But here’s the thing. Whereas we can easily access the logical part of our brain, so we know to carry an umbrella when it’s raining. We have learned this, it’s logical. Our creative brain thinks in pictures, sensations and emotions. Experiences and memories are recorded and stored in a different way which means they’re not always readily available for us as information because they reside outside of our awareness.

So for example: you’re normally a reasonably polite friendly person, but behind the wheel of your car you rage at other drivers and you don’t know why you do this. This behaviour stems from something in your psyche that is ‘out of your awareness’. So you can’t stop yourself doing it by simply noticing it and trying to change your behaviour. The interesting thing about this type of ‘out of awareness’ behaviour is that we can’t seem to learn from it no matter how hard we try.
This is where the dramatherapist armed with a creative toolkit can help. We know from research that when the mind is engaged in a creative task, the logical mind takes a back seat. It goes off-line and allows us to tap in to the resources that are held ‘out of awareness ‘ and hidden beneath the surface of our everyday experience.

Here we can see why we behave the way we do and where/ how  it originated. We can explore the triggers. In doing this we can actually heal our past experience and recover form it. And that’s what we want from therapy, right?

One way I get my clients to tap in to their ‘out of awareness’ experience, is to use a method called hot-penning. First of all I prepare my client using relaxation techniques to enable a clear focus on the issue at hand. The client then takes pen and paper and writes whatever comes to mind. The rule book is thrown out and the pen is given free reign. The writing need not be logical or sequential, it may be a stream of words, you’re allowed to swear, it does not have to make sense. After a couple of minutes of loosening up the client will generally begin to write meaningful narrative which can be very revealing. Clients are so frequently surprised by their own articulacy and the wisdom that they express. Quite often there will be the ‘a-ha’ moment.

In my experience when the client has insights unprompted by the therapist they are more motivated towards lasting change.

Dramatherapy as a creative therapy can help the client to begin to live more fully ‘in awareness’ and be less affected by ‘out of awareness’ behaviours which formerly tripped them up.

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy is a collective of experienced psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors working with a range of client groups, including fellow therapists and health professionals. If you would like more information, or an informal discussion please get in touch with us by telephone or email. Online therapy is available.

 

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Can Mindfulness Replace Psychotherapy?

There is a lot of hype surrounding mindfulness at present. The NHS now sees it as a psychological intervention, and large corporations recognise that calm, happy  employees are more productive. But how realistic is mindfulness, a secularised and stripped-down version of the Buddhist practice of meditation, as a long-term psychological intervention?

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is essentially ‘awareness’; being able to remain aware of what we are experiencing without becoming attached to the thoughts, feelings and sensations that come and go.

What are Some of the Touted Psychological Benefits?

Few in-depth academic studies have been carried out into the effects of mindfulness on psychological health. Even fewer have approached the question critically with a willingness to consider adverse effects.  However, early indications from pilot studies are that mindfulness can be beneficial (more on this word shortly) for alleviating the symptoms of mild depression and anxiety.

And the Drawbacks?

Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk is one of the world’s leading authorities on PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, also known as Childhood Developmental Trauma.) He states that mindfulness does not work for these patients, as they cannot feel.

What he means with this statement is that for traumatised people, the capacity to feel emotions has become compromised. This could be because their childhood experiences prohibited them developing a healthy relationship with their emotional world. Alternatively, this inability to feel emotions derives from massive emotional trauma in adulthood that the person has not been able to process.  Traumatised people, in lieu of feeling, become overwhelmed and then dissociate. They split off their emotions from their experience in the ‘here-and-now’.

Clinically, early studies have shown that mindfulness, when not integrated into psychotherapy, can exacerbate symptoms in psychological illnesses such as Bipolar Disorder and in people with (C)PTSD. Further research strongly indicates that engaging in any practice of mindfulness can lead to a psychotic breakdown in patients with a history of psychotic episodes.  Furthermore, particularly for children living under abusive conditions, mindfulness can strip them of their coping strategies and leave them more traumatised. This is a consideration that schools using this technique would do well to hold in mind.

Impermanence, Suffering and Not Self

These three experiences are what mindfulness can bring us into contact with.  Located away from any spiritual context (Buddhism) and without adequate psychological holding, the silence and emptiness that so many crave through mindfulness can cause a psychological break in others.

What is Change?

In the world of psychotherapy, we look at two levels or orders of change – first and second order change.

First level change is about clients and patients accessing behaviours that enable them to stabilise emotionally. However, this level of change does nothing to resolve the underlying conflict and trauma that drives the lack of stability.  First order change is a critical step to assisting clients and patients in stopping or managing damaging behaviour. This is an important step and can literally be life-changing for people. It is not, however, the goal of psychotherapy, as it does not address the problem.  Managing symptoms is useful but it negates the critical fact that symptoms are already a way of the client/patient managing the problem. They are a form of self-coping, however malign they may seem.

Mindfulness works to bring about first order change but cannot address the underlying problem. Additionally, as traumatised people cannot feel, they may in fact be dissociated during their ‘practice.’ While they may appear calmer, they are unable to use their emotions and ego to make clear informed decisions for themselves.

Early studies have shown that first order change is only sustained as long as the practice is maintained. This kind of change is not structural on a psychological and emotional level.

Why do some Meditators Die Young?

This is a question (riddle) I was posed a few years ago when attending a conference snappily entitled ‘Neuroendocrinology for Psychotherapists’. What was lacking in the title was made up for in the content. A significant number of meditators with a traumatic past think they are meditating when they are, in fact, dissociating. Their emotional and endocrine systems are under immense stress. Long-term, this impacts on their immune system, leading to chronic illness and death.

Second Order Change, or Dealing with the Problem

Psychotherapy is about mind-body integration. It is about providing a therapeutic relationship with the traumatised, split-off, vacant parts of the client/patient which can be seen and related to by the psychotherapist.

Emotions are our compass.  They tell us, moment by moment, whether we want more or less of something; whether we feel safe or a situation is dangerous. Where clients lack the ability to navigate using their emotional compass, they first need to learn to reside in their body – to become embodied. This is achieved through an ongoing stable and in-depth relationship with a psychotherapist who can give shape and form to our trauma through words. Language development is a social process, and so is becoming embodied.

Second order change impacts on our emotions, structure and personality and assists in resolving the problem. Our traumas have happened to us in relationship (with our caregivers or ourselves) and can therefore only be resolved in relationship.

Some Final Thoughts

I work extensively with trauma and actively integrate the body into my work. This, however, means first and foremost to teach a client to remain in the ‘here-and-now’ so that they do not become overwhelmed and dissociated.  The first step in this is that any trauma work is processed with our eyes open, unlike most mindfulness practice.  After all, we cannot be in relationship if we cannot see the other person.

Mark Vahrmeyer is a UKCP-registered psychotherapist working in private practice in Hove and Lewes, East Sussex. He is trained in relational psychotherapy and uses an integrative approach of psychodynamic, attachment and body psychotherapy to facilitate change with clients.

Further reading

How psychotherapy works

How to grow a mind

Remembering in order to forget

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

How body stability creates psychic stability

There is No Such Thing as a Baby

I frequently blog about the importance about including the body in the process of psychotherapy and how the unconscious resides in the body.  However, unlike many ‘body psychotherapists,’ I believe that the involvement of the body is more profound than identifying the presence of the body in the process. Let me explain using one of Donald Winnicott’s most famous quotes, “There is no such thing as a baby.”

Winnicott famously made this statement in 1947. On face value, it may seem somewhat absurd. After all, we have all seen babies and know they exist. However, the reality is far more complicated, because every baby that any one of us has ever seen is only visible because it is in a relationship with its primary carer (which for simplicity, I shall refer to as its mother).

A baby cannot exist alone but is essentially part of a relationship.  Babies exist in an absolute state of dependence, such that the infant (the word is taken from the Latin – ‘infans’ – not able to speak) has no knowledge of maternal care, as this would require the knowledge of ‘an other’ providing the care.  The baby therefore is essentially indivisible from its mother and thus cannot exist in its own right.  The infant’s experience relies on the mother’s ability to merge with, and adapt to, her baby.  Therefore, whenever we see a baby, we actually see a baby, its mother, the relationship between the two and also the wider social context within which that baby lives and has come to be.

There is No Such Thing as a Body

The same principle can be applied to a body.  There is no such thing as a body in its own right.  A body is created, shaped, moulded and exists within the relationship that the mother of the owner of the body has had with it.  In other words, the body and how it is experienced by the person in the body is contingent on the relationship that the baby has with the mother and the wider environment. This then dictates the relationship that the owner of said body, has with him or herself (if any.)

Why Does the Body Matter?

Psychotherapy is about many things, but one of the primary tenets is that it is a relationship within which the client/patient can, through relating to the therapist, establish a relationship with themselves. Having a relationship with ourselves includes having a relationship with our body. However, I believe that too many psychotherapists assume that such a relationship is necessarily experienced as helpful by the client at the outset of therapy, or even possible.

The Body as an Enemy

If we come to inhabit, or embody, our bodies through the relationship with our mothers and the wider social context, and our mothers were abusive to us, then the experience of our body can be one of ambivalence (‘I don’t really care about my body”) through to experiencing the body as dangerous, attacking or not our own.

Examples of where internalised abuse/hatred is expressed towards the body include cutting and burning the skin through to anorexia and bulimia, to name a few.

Risk of Trauma

Assuming a pre-existing, or even conceptually possible positive relationship between a client and their body on the part of the psychotherapist is naive. At worst, it risks re-traumatising the client.

If, for the client, all that is bad resides in their body, then they need to slowly find a way to ‘meet’ their body in a different context and to tentatively form a different relationship with their body – to reclaim it from the ‘bad’ parent. The therapeutic process involves creating a different relationship with ourselves, one in which we are able to leave the echoes of past formative relationships behind. At the very least, we need to learn to think about ourselves as players in those stories in a different way. In the same way, we need to learn to relate to our body as our own and as our friend, guide and an integral part of us.

Mark Vahrmeyer is a UKCP-registered psychotherapist working in private practice in Hove and Lewes, East Sussex. He is trained in relational psychotherapy and uses an integrative approach of psychodynamic, attachment and body psychotherapy to facilitate change with clients.

Further reading

Body psychotherapy

What is attachment and why does it matter?

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Four domains – maintaining wellbeing in turbulent times

Recent geopolitical events, notably the new American administration and the Brexit vote, can lead us to ever more uncertainty about the future. Facing this type of uncertainty can lead to anxiety about what the future may hold. Alternatively, we can experience despair and ultimately, depression about our powerlessness to affect what may happen in the future. While we may not be able to predict or have a big impact on what may be coming, we can do a lot to look after our wellbeing. This may enable us to face the future with a degree of equanimity.

 The concept of wellbeing is much spoken about, and can be viewed from a complex academic perspective. At the other end of the spectrum, it can become a rather glib, throwaway term. However, we can look after our own personal wellbeing by paying attention to four important domains in our lives. Putting a bit of effort into each can help us to feel better in ourselves and maintain a positive worldview.

The Physical Domain

Looking after our physical health is a key part of wellbeing. For some, this is a part of everyday life. Going to the gym, running or playing team sports are great ways to increase physical fitness, and all enable us to feel more rooted in our body. However, this level of physical effort is not for everyone. We can do a lot to increase our physical health by simply walking a little more than we might do normally. This is promoted actively by the NHS, which outlines the positive physical and emotional benefits of being more active each day. 

It may seem daunting to reach the desired goal of 10,000 steps per day. However, merely increasing how much we walk each day takes us a long way towards increasing our physical health and fitness. For example, we might choose a longer route when we have to walk, stroll around the block after dinner, or walk up stairs rather than using the lift.

 Of course, increasing our physical activity is only part of the matter. We also need to consider our diet and aim to eat as healthily as possible, with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables.

The Emotional Domain

Looking after our emotional health is also very important in improving our overall wellbeing. This can be as easy has having open and honest conversations with those who are close to us, which is a great way to deepen our relationships. Alternatively, writing a daily journal to explore our deepest thoughts and feelings can help us understand ourselves better and make sense of our inner world. Seeking professional help from a therapist is also an important step if our emotional world becomes overwhelming, or if we are unable to make sense of what is going on for us.

The Intellectual Domain

Our intellectual health is another very important area. It can often be overlooked once we have finished with formal education. However, keeping our minds sharp and alert to new ideas can be very inspiring and satisfying. It also helps us to approach the world from a fresh perspective. We can look after our intellectual health by taking a course (there are many free online courses available), reading an inspiring book that gives us new knowledge, or even by watching some of the short, powerful talks we can find on websites such as TED. 

The Spiritual Domain

The spiritual domain can often be overlooked, but can be hugely important to our overall wellbeing. For those who are religious, this can consist of spending a little more time in contemplation or prayer. For those who are not religious, spending a few moments each day in quiet meditation or practicing mindfulness (or even taking one of the many available mindfulness courses) can be very beneficial and can help to attain greater inner peace and an enhanced perspective on the world. If none of these appeal, you could simply spend a few moments each day noticing the beauty of the natural world around us.

Actively working for a short while in each of these domains every week can do a great deal to improve physical and mental energy levels. It can also give a sense of control of one thing we can have a huge impact on… our own wellbeing.

Dr Simon Cassar is an integrative existential therapist, trained in Person Centred Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), and Existential Psychotherapy.

Click here to listen to our podcast on this post. 

Click here to download a PDF version of this post.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

Copyright © 2021 – Brighton And Hove Psychotherapy – Privacy Policy
6 The Drive, Hove , East Sussex, BN3 3JA.