Loss and renewal Spring has arrived, bringing longer days, sunlight, green shoots, daffodils and all kinds of quiet movement. We begin to move too. We turn away from the still hibernation of winter towards the external world. We shed a layer or two and open our eyes a bit wider to let the light in….
Being in personal therapy is an important pillar of being a good psychotherapist. Psychotherapists registered with the UKCP and BPC, or attached to credible training institutes, are required to be in personal therapy with a senior professional for the duration of their training. Face to face, once weekly, at a minimum, for at least four…
Were you told as a child that you were special in some way? And do you now, as an adult, find yourself still striving for this to be true – to stand out, to be exceptional in some way? While, at the same time, a deep fear tugs at you: that you might simply be…
Have you ever been struggling with a difficult emotion or experience and tried to share it with someone, only to be told to ‘be positive’ or ‘look on the bright side’? And though it may have seemed helpful or kind on one level, did it leave you feeling shut down and unseen? Even angry? This…
It might be a cliché: the psychotherapist who says ‘tell me about your dreams’. However, dreams are a useful tool many psychotherapists welcome into therapeutic work, inviting the unconscious mind of the client to step forward. Dreams can provide powerful and impactful material as part of the therapeutic process. Dreams in psychoanalysis In the early…
Sometimes we can get pulled into relationships that are confusing and painful, and yet at the same time we are drawn to stay in them, almost in an addictive way. These relationships often follow a cycle of pain and hurt, which is followed by periods of kindness and loving attention. This cycle of pain and…
When emotions feel disproportionately intense People often come to therapy because something in the present feels unexpectedly intense and unsafe. A wave of anxiety engulfs us. Shame flares up where none seems warranted. A familiar sense of collapse, anger, or fear takes hold before there is time to think. Cognitively, many people can see that…
The rise of one-sided relationships is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. We are seeing it in the growing phenomenon of intimate relationships with chatbots. We are seeing it in the rise of misogyny, more recently exposed in Louis Theroux’s latest documentary on the manosphere where men who want relationships with women entirely on their own…
Why the “perfect other” is never a person, and never love. Back in 2014 I wrote a piece entitled Porn addiction: the crack cocaine of sex addiction. And whilst I stand by what I wrote, the landscape has since changed considerably. Pornography, particularly in its modern forms, can hijack arousal, hollow out desire, and train…
We often speak about ‘moving on’ as if the past were another country that we might simply depart. But we can no more exit our history then we can escape our own shadow; if only it were that easy. We act out our past in the present with varying degrees of conscious awareness over and…
Clinical supervision is a requirement for both trainee and experienced psychotherapists and counsellors. Beyond its regulatory function, it is a central pillar of ethical practice, professional development, and ongoing learning. At its core, supervision is a relational process that supports clinicians in thinking more deeply about their work and about the emotional worlds of their…
Do you often find yourself with a familiar sense that you are getting it wrong? If so, you are far from alone. This chronic feeling of being wrong, or of being in the wrong, can undermine our relationships with others, our work, quality of life, and creativity. It can impact how we experience ourselves when…