Have you ever been struggling with a difficult emotion or experience and tried to share it with someone, only to be told to ‘be positive’ or ‘look on the bright side’? And though it may have seemed helpful or kind on one level, did it leave you feeling shut down and unseen? Even angry? This…
It might be a cliché: the psychotherapist who says ‘tell me about your dreams’. However, dreams are a useful tool many psychotherapists welcome into therapeutic work, inviting the unconscious mind of the client to step forward. Dreams can provide powerful and impactful material as part of the therapeutic process. Dreams in psychoanalysis In the early…
Sometimes we can get pulled into relationships that are confusing and painful, and yet at the same time we are drawn to stay in them, almost in an addictive way. These relationships often follow a cycle of pain and hurt, which is followed by periods of kindness and loving attention. This cycle of pain and…
The rise of one-sided relationships is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. We are seeing it it in the growing phenomenon of intimate relationships with chatbots. We are seeing it in the rise of misogyny, more recently exposed in Louis Theroux’s latest documentary on the manosphere where men who want relationships with women entirely on their…
How our brain changes in psychotherapy Many of the things we want in life can now be found very quickly and without struggle. When we think about emotional change, it can be seductive to believe that the same rules should apply; meet with a therapist, take away some quick answers and leave a new person….
Most of us make some sort of New Year’s resolution, whether overtly or covertly. The new year can feel like an opportunity to put the past behind us and to start afresh. Whether or not we actively name and own our New Year’s resolutions, most of us can also attest to the best held intentions…
Do you experience anxiety in social situations that can be overwhelming or even debilitating? Is it affecting your social life, work, relationships – your everyday happiness? If so, this article is for you. Asking what the function of your shyness is might seem a strange question – you didn’t choose it, right? Yet exploring the…
A foundational principle of depth therapy is that until mourned, the past is never truly past. It lives on in the present in our relationships shaping how we see others, how we see ourselves and in how others see us. In the consulting room, this process plays out much the same way as it does…
In the therapy room, shame – which we often hide, almost at any cost – frequently hinders progress. Clients sometimes conceal aspects of their behaviour they fear are shameful, such as viewing pornography, taking class A drugs, or losing their temper. This is because it is perhaps one of the most intense and complex feelings…
Two key issues with large online therapy platforms One of the first things I tend to ask new patients in a consultation is about their previous experience of therapy. Increasingly, I’m hearing that somewhere along this journey they have tried an online therapy platform – such as BetterHelp or Talkspace. This isn’t surprising. The advertising…
We all experience negative thoughts and sometimes these thoughts can be painful, undermining and leave us feeling worthless. Some people simply try to tolerate them, and others might feel they are deserved – or even criticise themselves for having them in the first place. But is there another way to work with negative thoughts? What…
The rise in diagnosis Talking therapies are a well-established means by which we think about and work with mental health. They don’t sit in a traditional clinical framework where we think of consultation, diagnosis and treatment. They offer a much more nuanced approach which breaks down the dynamic of specialist and patient. It is more…