Have you ever been struggling with a difficult emotion or experience and tried to share it with someone, only to be told to ‘be positive’ or ‘look on the bright side’? And though it may have seemed helpful or kind on one level, did it leave you feeling shut down and unseen? Even angry? This…
The rise of one-sided relationships is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. We are seeing it in the growing phenomenon of intimate relationships with chatbots. We are seeing it in the rise of misogyny, more recently exposed in Louis Theroux’s latest documentary on the manosphere where men who want relationships with women entirely on their own…
Do you often find yourself with a familiar sense that you are getting it wrong? If so, you are far from alone. This chronic feeling of being wrong, or of being in the wrong, can undermine our relationships with others, our work, quality of life, and creativity. It can impact how we experience ourselves when…
Having previously explored the compulsive use of pornography, I wanted to continue reflecting on what it’s like to work with clients who consider their use to be excessive. Should I talk about my therapy? A common question that arises is, ‘should I talk about my therapy’? Clients sometimes ask whether they should speak to their…
In the therapy room, shame – which we often hide, almost at any cost – frequently hinders progress. Clients sometimes conceal aspects of their behaviour they fear are shameful, such as viewing pornography, taking class A drugs, or losing their temper. This is because it is perhaps one of the most intense and complex feelings…
Winnicott’s radical insight: There is no such thing as a baby Winnicott’s claim that “there is no such thing as a baby” is one of those deceptively simple psychoanalytic truths that resists being reduced to metaphor. He wasn’t being poetic. He meant it literally: there is no baby in isolation. There is always a baby…
EMDR has become one of the most talked-about psychotherapy treatments – and for good reason. Extensive research has shown that it is one of the most effective approaches developed so far for trauma and chronic pain. It is recommended by the National Institute for Clinical Excellence (NICE). The acronym stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and…
The rise in diagnosis Talking therapies are a well-established means by which we think about and work with mental health. They don’t sit in a traditional clinical framework where we think of consultation, diagnosis and treatment. They offer a much more nuanced approach which breaks down the dynamic of specialist and patient. It is more…
The importance of boundaries in psychotherapy I think it’s probably fair to say that all models of psychotherapy view boundaries as important. Analytic therapies particularly emphasise the role of boundaries and see them as integral to the psychotherapeutic process. There are many ways of understanding why boundaries are crucial. When I reflect on my work…
Why interdependence is a healthy middle ground for mental and emotional wellness How often do you hear people encouraging others to be ‘independent’ and ‘self-reliant’? Maybe you’ve even been that person trying to motivate someone to ‘stand on your own two feet’ and ‘try not to lean on others’. Sentiments like this might be expressed…
For many people the word ‘homework’ stirs up rather negative memories of being forced to stay in when the sun was shining, or toiling over the complexities of maths equations rather than enjoying computer gaming or other hobbies. But in psychotherapy, engaging in relevant tasks connected with mental wellbeing during the week between sessions can…
In a previous blog we discussed the links between exercise and mental health and how exercise can be hugely important for raising and maintaining our mood. In this blog, we will discuss how the healthy habit of exercise can sometimes become addictive, and can actually harm both our physical and mental health. When healthy habits…