The psychic life of categorisation We live in a moment saturated with the language of categories. Societal hierarchies sort humans into columns of belonging and threat. Political discourse strips complex differences, lives, experiences and humanity into slogans. Social media rewards the most reductive version of any argument. In each of these arenas, something is happening…
Sometimes we can get pulled into relationships that are confusing and painful, and yet at the same time we are drawn to stay in them, almost in an addictive way. These relationships often follow a cycle of pain and hurt, which is followed by periods of kindness and loving attention. This cycle of pain and…
When emotions feel disproportionately intense People often come to therapy because something in the present feels unexpectedly intense and unsafe. A wave of anxiety engulfs us. Shame flares up where none seems warranted. A familiar sense of collapse, anger, or fear takes hold before there is time to think. Cognitively, many people can see that…
The concept of thinking might sound straightforward and instinctive. In many situations, particularly with practical matters, such as working out the best route to get to work or deciding what colour to paint your child’s bedroom, it could be as simple as going into problem-solving mode, doing some research, and making a decision. However, when…
But it was so long ago! When remembering a traumatic event feels as frightening as, or even more frightening than, living it. People often come to therapy with an awareness of past challenging events impacting their current lives. It is common to feel frightened and unable to think about those events when they have been…
The rise of one-sided relationships is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. We are seeing it it in the growing phenomenon of intimate relationships with chatbots. We are seeing it in the rise of misogyny, more recently exposed in Louis Theroux’s latest documentary on the manosphere where men who want relationships with women entirely on their…
OK, so I have got your attention. Let’s delve deeper into this. I am not advocating psychotherapy as a way of getting rich. That would cheapen it, and it would miss the point. Psychotherapy is a profound good in and of itself. It is one of the few places in modern life where you are…
We often speak about ‘moving on’ as if the past were another country that we might simply depart. But we can no more exit our history then we can escape our own shadow; if only it were that easy. We act out our past in the present with varying degrees of conscious awareness over and…
Clinical supervision is a requirement for both trainee and experienced psychotherapists and counsellors. Beyond its regulatory function, it is a central pillar of ethical practice, professional development, and ongoing learning. At its core, supervision is a relational process that supports clinicians in thinking more deeply about their work and about the emotional worlds of their…
Do you often find yourself with a familiar sense that you are getting it wrong? If so, you are far from alone. This chronic feeling of being wrong, or of being in the wrong, can undermine our relationships with others, our work, quality of life, and creativity. It can impact how we experience ourselves when…
‘What Is ‘trauma dumping’? There is a phrase that has become increasingly present in recent years: ‘trauma dumping’. On the surface, it refers to the experience of sharing deeply personal experiences in a way that can feel abrupt or overwhelming, without checking in with or having faith in the listener. What lies beneath this term,…
The problem: insight that doesn’t change feeling Over many years of working as a psychotherapist, I have noticed a recurring moment in the consulting room. A client will pause, often with a mixture of frustration and self-doubt, and say something like: ‘I know all this already. I understand where it comes from. But it still…