When we are bereaved we have suffered the loss of someone close to us, or a pet, through death. Bereavement is an experience that affects us all at some point in our lives, however, how we are affected and how we process our grief will differ from person to person.
When we are bereaved, we can feel overwhelmed by a whole host of feelings such as sadness, anger, pain, hopelessness and depression. However, it is also possible to feel what may be confusing feelings such as relief or peace, for example, when our loved one has suffered for some time, or we have felt consumed by their illness.
Feeling relief at the loss of someone we care about deeply is no less ‘proper’ than feeling sadness and grief, but it may feel a lot more socially unacceptable.
What does it mean to grieve?
To grieve is an emotional, psychological and physical process whereby we come to terms with the loss of somebody to whom we felt close. The initial experience of a loss can feel very unsettling when we often get a felt sense that something is wrong and missing from our world. It can be as if our body and psyche need to ‘catch up’ with how our world has changed. Everything around us may look the same but feel different somehow.
Grieving means to allow ourselves to feel the myriad of emotions that accompany a loss. Classically these are summarised as being: denial; anger; bargaining, depression; and acceptance – based on The Five Stages of Grief by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
Whilst this model and others can be useful, it can be easy to think that grieving means moving through the stages, one by one, until acceptance is reached. In practice though, we can often find ourselves moving back and forth between stages or feeling the emotions of multiple stages all at once.
How do I do it?
How we are affected by our grief dictates whether we will need help in processing our experience. How we process our grief is, in turn, affected by a host of other factors such as our natural coping strategies, our relationship with the deceased and importantly, how we dealt with earlier experiences of grief.
Human beings are relational, and thus processing our emotions successfully requires contact with other human beings. We would suggest that there are three main additional components to successful grieving:
- Feeling whatever emotions are present whilst also staying present in the here and now to not become overwhelmed;
- Accepting that there is no right or wrong emotion to feel when we have lost someone close to us, and that each merits as much attention as the next, we cannot choose what we feel.
- To find our own way through our grief and in our own time without getting caught up in other people’s ideas of what we should be feeling and doing, and when.
The process of grieving used to be observed in society and held as a community. Those days have passed, and it can feel very isolating to be grieving, especially when we tell ourselves that we are just supposed to ‘get on with things’.
There are, however, certain coping mechanisms and self-care strategies that may help someone who hasn’t yet begun therapy, or that can help outside of therapy.
- Allow yourself to grieve and feel the emotion whenever it arises.
- Maintain routine and structure where possible; this stability can provide a sense of control.
- Talk to family, journal, and try to express your feelings through art or music.
- Find personal ways to remember your loved one, whether that’s rituals, writing letters, or creating memory spaces.
Difference between bereavement counselling and grief counselling
The terms ‘grief counselling’ and ‘bereavement counselling’ are often used interchangeably, however, there are some subtle differences between the two. Essentially, it all depends on what you’re grieving.
Grief counselling is a general term to help those who are experiencing a loss, whether that be a death, breakup, divorce, or other losses that can occur throughout your life. Grief counselling is aimed at individuals who are unable to cope with a loss.
Bereavement counselling is targeted towards those who are struggling with the loss of a loved one, specifically as a result of death.
What is bereavement counselling?
Bereavement counselling is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals cope with the death of a loved one. The death of a family member, friend, or partner can be an incredibly distressing experience, and bereavement counselling provides a supportive environment for individuals to express their emotions and process their grief.
At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, our expert counsellors work closely with patients to help them explore their feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion, and work through the stages of grief. Bereavement counselling helps individuals to find a sense of peace and acceptance.
Symptoms of bereavement, grief, and loss
Bereavement, grief, and loss can look and feel different to each person, and some people may respond differently to loss than others. However, there are common symptoms that many individuals experience at this time:
- Intense sadness
- Shock and disbelief
- Anger
- Guilt
- Anxiety and fear
- Physical symptoms like fatigue, insomnia, changes in appetite, or physical pain
- Social withdrawal
- Difficulty concentrating
- Mood swings
It’s important to note that grief is a highly personal experience, and not everyone will experience all these symptoms. The grieving process isn’t linear, it involves many ups and downs over time, but seeking support from friends, family, and professional therapists can help.
How does a relationship influence how we grieve?
Most people who struggle with their grief either had complex relationships with the deceased or complex relationships with their caregivers when growing up (and sometimes both).
Grief propels our emotional system back in time and many earlier losses can end up revisiting us during grief if they were never processed. Grief work therefore means to work through our feelings in relation to losing our loved one and any feelings that we may be experiencing that are triggered by losses earlier in life.
Do I need bereavement counselling?
Deciding whether to seek bereavement counselling is a personal decision, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. However, if you show any of the following signs, you may benefit from bereavement counselling.
Difficulty coping
If you find it hard to function in your daily life due to the overwhelming feeling of grief, counselling may help you develop coping strategies. For example, difficulty sleeping, eating, working, and being engaged in relationships.
Isolation
If you feel isolated or like you have no one to talk to, counselling can offer you a supportive environment to talk about how you’re feeling with no judgement.
Intense or prolonged grief
If your grief continues to feel consuming and overwhelming even after several months, counselling may help you process your emotions, so you are able to move forward.
Feelings of hopelessness
If you’re struggling with feelings of hopelessness, despair, or thoughts of self-harm, it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional immediately.
Difficulty expressing emotions
Grief can cause you to feel numb, so you may find it challenging to express emotions. A bereavement counsellor can help guide you through your grief.
Unresolved issues
If you feel you have unresolved issues, guilt, or regret, bereavement counselling can support you through these emotions and find closure.
Grief counselling Brighton and Lewes
All psychotherapists and counsellors are trained to deal with the many losses that clients bring to their sessions. Bereavement is about loss, however, grief work is a specific process that can be challenging to many clinicians unless they are trained and able to work specifically with issues around death.
Symptoms of grief can often look and feel a lot like depression and unfortunately some GPs prescribe anti-depressants when their patients are grieving, which can do a lot of damage and delay the grieving process, sometimes for years. It is important therefore that you work with a counsellor or psychotherapist who can help you understand that what you are feeling is not depression and that it can be worked through.
What happens during grief counselling?
Grief counselling provides a space for individuals to navigate the complex and universal experience of loss through death. The process is inherently personal, yet touches on a fundamental aspect of human existence that everyone will face. In grief counselling sessions, much like other forms of therapy, the primary activity involves the patient talking and the clinician listening. However, the sessions focus on a specific task known as grief work.
Grief work recognises that while grief has a beginning and an end, the impact of loss never fully disappears. Instead, through grief counselling, you learn to carry your grief in a way that allows you to move forward and regain a sense of hope.
The first year of grief is often the most challenging, as you go through ‘firsts’ like the first birthday, Christmas, or anniversary. The duration and intensity of grief is unique to each person, but grieving is a necessary step after experiencing loss. Grief that is unaddressed can lead to further issues.
How will I know when I have finished grieving and can leave counselling?
‘Acceptance’ is the last stage in grief, however, this can mean different things to different people. In our view, the loss never goes away and the grief never fully ends, however this is not to say that we cannot carry our loss with us in a manageable way and move forward in our life.
Whilst you may only need to work on your grief for some months, it is generally accepted that the first full year after a bereavement is the most challenging – especially around anniversary events such as birthdays, Christmas and the date your loved one died.
Areas we cover
We offer a safe and supportive environment for individuals and families to explore their grief, heal, and rediscover hope in Brighton, Hove, and Lewes. We have offices in Brighton and Lewes, as well as online psychotherapy for clients across the UK.
Our offices are situated in central Hove on Church Road, on the corner of Selbourne Road. It’s a fifteen-minute walk from the Hove railway station if you are travelling here via public transport.
Our bereavement and grief counsellors Brighton and Lewes
Our bereavement and grief counsellors bring extensive experience in palliative care to suit you. Mark Vahrmeyer offers deep, integrative psychotherapy for individuals in Brighton, Hove, and Lewes. David Work, a dedicated BACP-registered psychotherapist, also provides long-term individual therapy for adults going through bereavement.
For more information on our bereavement and grief counsellors or to schedule a session, please get in touch.
Bereavement treatment methods
Bereavement therapy supports clients in processing the loss of someone close to them. Although similar to other types of loss, grief has a unique trajectory, and models like Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief can help guide the process.
Working with bereavement means working with a wide range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief, which can sometimes feel confusing or bring shame. The main method of working with bereavement is traditionally talking therapy, but through a bereavement lens and focusing on working through all the stages of loss that the client experiences.
Support groups
When going through bereavement, it can be helpful to consider joining a support group, as you will be among others who have recently gone through similar experiences. These groups can range from gardening groups for the bereaved through to more formal therapeutic groups.
If group therapy is something you are considering, you can explore which group you could benefit from alongside your therapeutic journey.
How to support someone going through bereavement
It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who has recently experienced a loss. But support can show up in different ways, and simply being there for someone may be enough. Here are some ways you can show your support to a loved one who is grieving.
- If visiting in person feels difficult, a thoughtful text, letter, or small gesture like flowers with a note can show you are thinking of them.
- Follow their lead on whether they want to talk about their loss, avoid pressing them with questions.
- Offer a listening ear without trying to fix or solve their feelings; sometimes just being heard is what matters most.
- Continue to check in over time, even after the funeral, as grief often continues long after others have returned to their routines.
Fees
At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, each of our practitioners sets their own fees, which generally start at £75 for one therapy hour (50 minutes). However, fees can change due to the client’s specific needs, the frequency of the sessions, and the type of work involved.
If you’re interested in starting therapy with one of our practitioners, give us a call now for more information or book an initial consultation.
Types of bereavement
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and we respond to it in various ways depending on the relationship and the circumstances. Where a relationship was complex with a family member when they were alive, this can complicate the grieving process.
Loss of a child
Losing a child can bring overwhelming grief that is often accompanied by feelings of shock, guilt, or helplessness. Long-term therapy and support groups are beneficial for grieving parents.
Loss of a parent
The loss of a parent can stir up memories, unresolved feelings, and shifts in family roles, which can bring sadness and reflection. Therapy can be beneficial to work through these emotions and feelings and help you find closure.
Loss of a partner
Losing a life partner can have a huge impact on daily routines, support systems, and companionship. Therapy offers emotional support, social connection, and guidance through this new normal.
If you’re experiencing any kind of bereavement, we can help. Our therapists are trained to help you guide you through the stages of grief and help you develop coping strategies in your day-to-day life.
Why choose Brighton and Hove psychotherapy?
Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy was formed in 2013 by Mark Vahrmeyer and Sam Jahara to provide expert psychotherapy. Since then, we have brought together a skilled team of associates who bring a wealth of experience in different types of therapy. We ensure everyone who joins our team shares our values and has the skills required to help our clients.
At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we offer a tailored approach to bereavement counselling to meet your needs. Get in touch with us now to see how we can help you.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is grief?
Grief is a word that we use to describe a set of feelings and experiences of loss, generally linked to the loss of a person close to us; grief and bereavement are inextricably linked. Grief is not a single feeling, but rather a process that unfolds and one that must be worked through. Processing grief is often referred to as ‘grief work’ and where grief is not processed it can lead to ‘complex grief’ which may manifest as depression.
How do I know if I am grieving correctly?
There are numerous models of grieving with the Kubler Ross Five Stages of Grief comprising denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, being the most famous. Each stage must be acknowledged and worked through as part of grief work. And the stages are not necessarily sequential and can appear multiple times, so it is not uncommon to move between depression and anger over and over. There is no hard and fast way to grieve and each of us will find we experience some feelings more predominantly than others. Perhaps the best indicator of whether we are grieving ‘correctly’ is if we are able to feel our feelings and yet remain connected to daily life – we can grieve, but function.
How long does grief last after a bereavement?
It is impossible to define how long a person will be undertaking grief work as we are all unique and so is each loss. Losing someone very close to us is likely to be significantly harder than someone with whom we have a less strong attachment. A helpful basic rule is that with a significant loss, the grief process is likely to take at least a year. The significance of a year is that during that first year following a bereavement, all the significant anniversary dates (birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries) will be experienced for the first time without that person.
How can psychotherapy help with bereavement?
Counselling and psychotherapy have a very important role to play in working through grief, especially where the loss is a significant one and/or the relationship with the deceased is complex. For example, it can be far more emotionally difficult to process the loss of a parent with whom we had a fiery and ambivalent relationship, than to accept the loss of a parent to whom we felt securely attached. Loss can also be very difficult to come to terms with when a partner is lost and it requires the surviving partner to not only accept the loss but also to build a new life and new identity.
What happens in a first session?
The first session with one of our practitioners is an opportunity for you both to work out whether you feel able to work together. Your psychotherapist or psychologist will likely ask you various questions relating to what has brought you, and explain the process of therapy to you. The first session is a two-way process where you have the opportunity to ask questions and to decide whether you feel ‘safe enough’ working with your therapist.
How do I find a psychotherapist or psychologist I want to work with?
At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we have two physical practices, one in Hove and one in Lewes, where we offer a full range of psychological therapies. On our website you can view each profile of our associates and contact them directly using the form on their profile page. You can also use our handy search function to find the right practitioner for your needs.
How long will it take for me to see a psychologist or psychotherapist?
We aim to respond to all enquiries within twenty-four hours. You may either contact one of our practitioners directly via their profile page, or you can contact us directly and we will assist you in finding the right person to see as soon as possible. If the practitioner you wish to see has space then an appointment can usually be arranged within a week and sometimes much sooner.
Do you offer couples or group sessions?
We offer counselling and psychotherapy for individuals, couples, families and groups. To find out about the types of session we can offer, get in touch with us today. We will find a date and time that works best for everyone involved and we will make sure everyone feels as comfortable as possible.
How can I get in touch with you?
You can contact our practitioners directly via the contact forms on their profile pages. They will then reply to you directly.
What age groups of clients do you work with?
We have psychotherapists and psychologists trained to work with most age groups from children through to adults.
Do you offer evening and/or weekend sessions?
We offer sessions every day of the week including on Saturdays and sessions are available into the evening.
What are your fees?
Our fees are set by each practitioner depending on the type of therapy. For individual psychotherapy or clinical psychology our fees range from £75 – £100 per session. For couple therapy our fees range from £85 – £100 per session.
If you would like to know more about how Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy can help you come to terms with the loss of a loved one through bereavement counselling, then get in touch today. At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we have two physical practices, one in Hove and one in Lewes, where we offer a full range of psychological therapies. On our website, you can view each profile of our associates and contact them directly using the form on their profile page. You can also use our handy search function to find the right practitioner for your needs.
We also offer online bereavement counselling.
All the content on this page has been reviewed and vetted by Sam Jahara Transactional Analysis Psychotherapist, Supervisor and Co-Founder of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy. For any questions or more information about the subjects discussed on this page please contact us.