Why interdependence is a healthy middle ground for mental and emotional wellness How often do you hear people encouraging others to be ‘independent’ and ‘self-reliant’? Maybe you’ve even been that person trying to motivate someone to ‘stand on your own two feet’ and ‘try not to lean on others’. Sentiments like this might be expressed…
Non-violent resistance (NVR) is a hugely effective, forward-looking and relational approach which helps parents to un pick what is happening in the family, to begin to recognise and disrupt entrenched patterns of interaction and to break down the barriers which stand in the way of change. In so doing, parents, who might start the work…
Psychotherapy was revolutionised in the second half of the last century by the development of attachment theory, the science of human bonding and needs. I wrote about this in my BHP blog ‘Why we need a secure base’. It describes how infants who do not have their primary needs met – for comfort, warmth and…
As a psychotherapist, I sometimes encounter individuals struggling with the unsettling emotion of envy. While we might visualise the ‘green-eyed monster’ and make light of it, it can sometimes grow into a significant problem. The socio-economic context Many of us face anxieties over whether what we have is enough. Today, even those who once felt…
All of us make mistakes; we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. But some past failures or mistakes have a habit of being repeated time and time again. These could be work related, like promising yourself that you’ll hand in an assignment ahead of time, only to leave everything to the last minute and deliver…
What does vulnerability mean to you? Is it part of being human, something to acknowledge and embrace, or do you find ourselves shying away from it? Vulnerability is part of what connects us to others. By being open, revealing something of ourselves and seeing that in others, we build connections. It’s not a given and…
I explored the use of pornography and its presence in society in previous blog. In thinking about pornography, there is the question of why some people might become habitual users. What part might childhood trauma play in the development of compulsive use of pornography? Trauma, attachment and anxiety The experience of trauma in formative years can…
Transference is a complicated process and concept. This article attempts to describe it in simple terms, focussing on a basic understanding and highlighting why it is felt to be so important in analytic psychotherapies. I will end by thinking about how it can emerge and be used in both individual and group therapy. What are…
Life is disappointing. That sounds terribly negative, however, being able to tolerate and work with this reality can make the difference between success and failure. Relationships are also disappointing, but, like life, they are many other things too. Let’s delve into it. Being able to tolerate and work with disappointment is one of the hallmarks…
Transference Love is the unconscious expression of longings, desires and hopes onto a person who ‘fits’ because of who they are and who you are to them. This mutuality of hoped for experiences, combined with sexual attraction, results in a powerful combination of emotions and physical desire which we call falling in love. In simple…
Having a growth mindset is a term from the business world, referring to an individual who believes that their success in a particular field is contingent on working hard, forward planning and being able to receive and implement constructive feedback from others. While it is a term that is regularly used in business, and undoubtedly…
It is desire which creates the desirable, and the project that sets up the end. It is human existence which makes values spring up in the world, on the basis of which it will be able to judge the enterprise in which it will be engaged. Simone de Beauvoir, 1994, The Ethics of Ambiguity, p….