(Projections, roles, and polarisations in the ‘couple’ dynamic) In this article, I will think about the ways in which project into each other when in a couple relationship, often creating roles diametrically opposed to each other. As I will suggest, these dynamics are generally unhelpful and restrictive and yet the relationship can become unconsciously invested…
For most of us, the start of a relationship is an extremely exciting time. Not only is the relationship itself hugely enjoyable – fun and life-enhancing – but it can also seem to transform our world. Put simply, it makes the world seem a better place. It seems odd to think that something that develops…
Starting couple counselling can feel both daunting and anxiety provoking, especially if it something you have not previously undertaken. Knowing up-front what to expect can reduce some of the anxiety and enable you to focus on what you actually want to get from your sessions. Your counsellor or psychotherapist should be suitably qualified You are taking…
So you have taken the difficult step to go to couple counselling – what do you do now? Obviously there are a lot of variables when it comes to couples’ attending counselling together. Some couples are both on the same page and have a common goal, albeit they are struggling to reach that goal, whereas…
All couples in long term pairings know something of the vicissitudes of desire. The sexual intensity that more often typifies the early stages of a new relationship cannot remain the same over years of familiarity. The up close and personal experience of day to day coupledom means witnessing one’s partner in their least attractive states,…
I admit the shameless plagiarising of the title of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’ – ‘Love in the Time of Cholera’ as it fits as a Segway into considering the tresses and strains of both finding love, and holding onto in, in the current pandemic. The statistics Disturbing statistics are emerging of surging rates of domestic violence,…
A central idea of relational psychotherapy is that our thoughts, feelings and behaviours (healthy and unhealthy) are directly related to our interpersonal relationships. Relational therapy is therefore about our self-with-other experience. We are all creatures of familial, social and political contexts, continuously formed (and forming) through our interactions with others. Relational therapy can be an…
Perhaps it seems odd to you to even think of emotions having an intrinsic value, isn’t it all rather cold and controlling. However, alongside purchasing a house, a car or other valuable object our relationships will need energy and investment of time to make them work well. So in the next twelve months, wherever you are…
This is the first in a series of blog posts about couples therapy. In this post I want to talk about what Mary Morgan from Tavistock Relationships calls a ‘couple state of mind’. Why if our partner is ‘right’ for us don’t they understand us completely? There are limits to how much we can ever…
Throughout history, the institution of marriage and our understanding and expectations of committed relationships have shifted with the socio-political and economic tides. Where once marriage was primarily an economic arrangement to maintain patriarchy and secure lineage, by the end of the 19th century, new id eas about romantic love were emerging. Whilst love was not…
At a recent clinical supervision session in Lewes, my supervisor and I were discussing the realities of being in a long-term relationship. By long-term, we were thinking about decades, rather than months or years, and in this context, we were together considering what individuals must accept about a long-term relationship and thus about themselves. It…
In our last blog, I discussed the correlation between expressed anger and cardiac problems and repressed emotion and back/muscle pain in warring couples. The article gave some interesting insights into the correlation between couples who cannot fight healthily and the poor health they experience as a consequence. So should we avoid fighting? No, we need…