Narcissism has become a cultural obsession. It is discussed as though it were a new epidemic, a modern pathology spreading through society like a virus. The phrase “age of narcissism” is now so common that it is rarely questioned. Yet when we look closely, a more accurate formulation emerges. It is not that narcissism is…
Do you experience anxiety in social situations that can be overwhelming or even debilitating? Is it affecting your social life, work, relationships – your everyday happiness? If so, this article is for you. Asking what the function of your shyness is might seem a strange question – you didn’t choose it, right? Yet exploring the…
In the therapy room, shame – which we often hide, almost at any cost – frequently hinders progress. Clients sometimes conceal aspects of their behaviour they fear are shameful, such as viewing pornography, taking class A drugs, or losing their temper. This is because it is perhaps one of the most intense and complex feelings…
Self-esteem is often spoken about and seen as something that we should be aspiring towards. However, what is less clear is exactly what constitutes ‘self-esteem’ and how we can best define this concept. What is self-esteem? Well, according to Jordan Peterson it simply does not exist. However, he is in the minority with this. Whilst…
Sometimes it is much easier to recognise the signs of lack of self-care in other people, than it is to see it in ourselves. What do we mean by self-care? The expression sounds self-explanatory, but do we know what it involves? Most people recognise signs of depletion when they begin losing energy, passion and creativity….
Life is disappointing. That sounds terribly negative, however, being able to tolerate and work with this reality can make the difference between success and failure. Relationships are also disappointing, but, like life, they are many other things too. Let’s delve into it. Being able to tolerate and work with disappointment is one of the hallmarks…
What is Low Self Esteem? This is when we think negatively about ourselves, we don’t feel good enough. We are likely to get into self-critical thinking, think others are better than us and blame ourselves when things go wrong. We are likely to focus on our negatives and not on our achievements, struggle to accept…
Put another way, is getting anything less than 100% not acceptable to you, and a trigger for uncomfortable feelings of failure, of not being good enough, of self-criticism, self-doubt and shame? In my experience as a psychotherapist, a personal drive for perfection is often the root cause of distress in many of those seeking therapy….
It is a process whereby our bodies experience environmental stressors as a threat to our physical survival, thereby releasing stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. This is an essential part of all mammal’s fear or threat response, which has become maladaptive in the modern world, as the threats we experience in modern life often…
Low self-esteem stems from beliefs that we have about ourselves, a negative self-evaluation which is usually rooted in childhood experiences. The way we were spoken to, treated, and made to feel as children has a significant impact on how we see and therefore relate to ourselves later in life. Some of us may also have…
I was recently invited onto the Podcast ‘Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri’ to talk about the topic of ‘Belonging’. The discussion centred around our mutual experience of growing up in cultures that were not of our families of origin. Annalisa is technically a ‘second culture kid’, and I am a ‘third culture kid’ – the latter…
At the heart of the process of psychotherapy is trying to see more clearly what our basic needs as human beings are and how they can be met. Most clients seeking treatment are feeling uncomfortable because of difficulties in this domain. The sense of discomfort is often compounded because, without help, it can be hard…