Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy

01273 921 355
Online Therapy In the Press

by Leave a Comment

On rushing towards answers

Take the following situation: a client seeks psychotherapy to deal with anxiety and other related physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, ABS, stomach pains, etc.

They are used to a solution-focused approach and can want quick answers from me.

I feel rushed and pulled to meet them in their anxious place – to offer solutions, set goals, etc. I can easily see the how therapy session could quickly turn into a business meeting.

I take a breath, check in with myself and see how I am feeling (pushed, rushed, slightly anxious to give solutions).

I pause and offer the following:

“It seems you want me to give you more work in addition to what you already have. This seems to be exactly what is stressing you out. What would it be like for us to slow down and focus on your experience right now?”

We both look at one another for a moment and there is a sense of confusion: “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to DO.”

The DO bit is of importance here. Everything seems to be about doing in this person’s life. I imagine most of us can relate to this way of being.

This is because many of us have not learnt to pay attention to our experience. As children we are taught to do well, achieve, win, etc. in order to be loved and recognized. However, real recognition comes from validation of experience. This means paying attention to feelings, thoughts and responses,

Through a focus on doing and achieving, we loose connection to our bodies and our feelings. This means we end up a little bit like performance machines, ticking lists and meeting deadlines. In this process we tend to forget who we are, why we do what we do and how we feel about it.

One of the goals of therapy is to facilitate this process of coming back to oneself and understanding what drives us for good or bad. We then look at what behaviours and ways of being serve you and which really don’t.

Sam Jahara is a Relational Transactional Analysis psychotherapist and supervisor, working in Hove and Lewes. Sam is also one of the founding partners of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

How do Transactional Analysts work with Anxiety?

In this blog I share my view on how to work with a fictitious client. The “client” James, is a high achieving barrister in his mid-thirties presents with severe anxiety. He has recently started a new relationship and they are thinking of moving in together.

Client background

The “client” James, is a high achieving barrister in his mid-thirties presents with severe anxiety. He has recently started a new relationship and they are thinking of moving in together.

He comes from an upper-middle class background where there was a family culture of not talking about feelings and difficulties. He was sent to boarding school ages 6 – 13. He is eldest of 3 children and his parents divorced when he was 13. There’s has been other traumatic childhood incidents that he is yet to disclose.

He presents well dressed, competent, practical and wants quick solutions. He is very busy and wants to know what therapy can do for him and how long it will take

A transactional analysis / psychodynamic approach

I’m interested in James’s past, present and hopes for the future. Also relevant here is James’s attitude towards emotions. What has he learnt from his parents or caregivers about the role of feelings and emotions? Here, clearly there is a culture of not talking about feelings. I would imagine there was little encouragement for James to develop a relationship with his inner-world, given academic achievement was the main focus and what James would have been rewarded for.

In boarding school there is usually a culture of suppression of emotions, including suppressing the distress of leaving home at such an early age. The developmental stage of 6-13 years is also relevant. It is a transitional period for both girls and boys linked with identity development and moving from dependence to independence. Without a ‘secure base’ (parental presence, support and encouragement), this is likely to be compromised.

Why now?

Starting a new relationship can trigger feelings around early bonding and attachment. Inner conflicts to do with dependence versus independence will likely resurface, causing anxiety about the future of their relationship.

The divorce of his parents at age 13, followed by years in boarding school would have invariably shaken his world. Early separation from parents is traumatic for children, and so is divorce. We don’t know yet about the other traumatic events of his childhood, which will no doubt emerge as the therapy progresses.

I would be led by the person’s telling of their story. The process of telling one’s story and being heard by a present and supportive other can be transformative in itself. This might be an alien concept to James and something that he may find both pleasant and strange.

Wanting quick solutions is part of the driven environment of his family, profession and background. A therapist who is willing to be both understand and challenge his worldview, whilst exploring healthier ways to relate to himself is needed here.

Working relationally in the ‘here-and-now’

I would encourage James to begin paying attention to his experience, rather than on the demands he is likely to impose on himself and others. I imagine that James has never been allowed to experience his feelings and receive comfort and support when distressed, sad, angry, etc.

Unprocessed feelings usually manifest in anxiety and or depression. These will also resurface at key moments in life, such as new relationships, crisis, having children, etc.

The above are just initial thoughts based on a limited amount of information given about a fictitious client. Although the information presented here will be familiar to quite a few readers.

In therapy, client and therapist will work together in defining their therapeutic work. This usually happens in a spirit of collaboration and mutuality which, albeit challenging, can also be an enjoyable and incredibly rewarding experience.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist and Certified Transactional Analyst with a special interest in cross-cultural and intergenerational influences.  She works from our Lewes and Hove practices and sees individuals and couples as well as offering clinical supervision.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Lady Bird: a Psychotherapist’s Perspective on Key Themes

Warning – This article contains spoilers for anyone who has not seen the movie Lady Bird.

A critical success, this film about a mother and daughter relationship falls into the ‘coming of age’ genre, however it is also so much more than this in considering the systemic and unconscious processes at work that make this film both poignant and painful to watch.

There are many key themes present relating to those clients bring to psychotherapy, however I would like to pick out a couple that stood out for me which are perhaps better posed as questions we can imagine that the protagonist of Lady Bird – Christine) – is unconsciously grappling with:

What is my desire?

How do I leave my family?

These two questions whilst posed separately, are in reality interconnected, as it is through desire that we leave the family.  However, in a family where the roles are blurred, and for a young woman whose desire has always had to be curtailed to cope with her mother’s envy, the two questions are complex and the unconscious conflict immense. The unconscious imposition on Christine is that the must not be thought about – as is the case with any young women whose mother envies her.

From the opening scenes, we see a mother who struggles to see her daughter as separate to her – Christine is as though an extension of her mother.  She clearly loves her daughter, but also invests her own unfulfilled desires into her which places enormous pressure on Christine.  This is suffocating for Lady Bird, to the extent that in an early scene, she flings herself from the car to escape the literal confines of being with her mother – a both literally and symbolically powerful moment: existence is impossible with her mother and hurling herself from a moving vehicle is less a thought-out action of leaving, than a murderous gesture – self destructive to her and to her mother.

As the film unfolds, the usual twists and turns of teenage experience are interspaced and amplified by the complexities of Lady Bird’s family.  Her father is impotent – he loses his job and cannot separate mother and daughter.  However, what he does know is that Lady Bird must leave, and he facilitates this through making financial arrangements for her university education, without involving his wife to whom he seems to be unable to stand up against (or to come alongside).  This arrangement is pragmatically what Lady Bird needs, however, psychically it further undermines her autonomy and blurs any clarity of who she is in the family and who she is in relation to her mother. Her father can only facilitate her escaping his wife’s clutches by acting secretly.

An Envious Mother

Lady Bird understands, like so many of us who have had envious mothers, that she needs to ‘split off’ (disavow) her desire and that it can only be met secretly, if at all.  Or she can turn it into something destructive.  Both choices aim to unconsciously protect her relationship with her mother.

She gets in with the exciting, but bad crowd and swaps her boyfriend (who it turns out is gay meaning he cannot provide her with an exit from the family) for an aloof boy who, like his friends, is nihilistic in his outlook on life.  Neither her gay boyfriend, nor her disinterested one, will help her leave her family, as neither contain her true desire.  Here Lady Bird seems to be asking herself less about her own desire and more about that of others: who am I for others and what do they want from me?  A question she asks herself repeatedly in the relationship to her mother for it is the only question she knows how to pose.

Owning her Desire

There are two scenes in the film which fill us with hope for Lady Bird: the first when she owns her wish to go to the school prom and be with her old friends, thereby stepping away from her less nihilistic friends who are ‘too cool’ for school, but who in reality actually have no idea about what they want, other than to rebel. To rebel is an expression of anger and frustration but it is ultimately impotent in nature as it is not borne out of desire. Rebellious teenagers don’t actually want to leave; that takes a revolutionary.

The second scene of hope is at the end of the film where Lady Bird is at an unnamed university in New York.  Lady Bird’s father has slipped a pile of discarded attempts at a letter her mother tried to write to her into her suitcase which she finds.  This is significant, as Lady Bird’s father is finally able to help mother and daughter separate: he encourages his daughter to leave but provides her with the evidence her mother loves her; he assumes his rightful position as his wife’s husband by consoling her at the airport when she, as a result of her struggle to let her daughter have her own desire and individuate, misses her daughter’s departure.

To Individuate or Rebel?

Towards the finale, there is a perfectly ordinary scene with Lady Bird, at what me must assume is her first party in New York, she drinks, meets a guy and they end up at his or hers.  She then becomes ill and the next scene is at a hospital where we learn she has drunk far too much.  This scene is a reminder of the powerful unconscious forces at play in Lady Bird – whether she can find a way to individuate and own her desire or create distance from her internalised mother through self-destructive acts (think back to the hurling herself from the car).

Ultimately the viewer is left with hope as she seems to have enough psychic distance to claim her birth name – Christine – and to find ways to be like her parents (visiting a local church), without having to be defined by being them, or not being them.

Christine  makes a call home to speak to her mother but she gets the answerphone.  The message here?  That her mother and family can survive her going and that they can too move on with their lives.  She is free.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP registered psychotherapist, certified transactional analyst and clinical supervisor. She works with clients and supervisees in Hove and Lewes.

 

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Psychotherapy supervision

The relationship between a psychotherapist and their supervisor is a very important one. Supervision is a vital place to reflect on clinical dilemmas, talk about professional issues and learn from someone more experienced. It can also be a self-care exercise. It feels good to talk to a trusted colleague about our work in a confidential setting. As I learn and reflect more on psychotherapy supervision, it has made me think about the supervision I’ve received throughout my career so far. During a recent group discussion with other professionals, we asked ourselves, “What constitutes good supervision?”

From my own learning and experience, including trial and error with supervisors who did not meet my needs, I thought about the importance of the following elements in supervision:

  • Education
  • Ethics
  • Political and social awareness
  • Relationship to power and authority
  • Self-awareness
  • Supervisor/therapist compatibility
  • Theoretical and philosophical values
  • Trust

Education

I want to be able to learn from my supervisor and absorb the knowledge of someone more experienced who will positively inform the work I do. Therefore, I have chosen to work with supervisors who keep up to date with the latest research and enjoy both learning and developing others.

The way supervisor and supervisee think together is vital for a productive relationship. This doesn’t mean always agreeing with one another, but having a strong alliance where difficult issues can be discussed and resolved.

Ethics

Ethics and client safety is paramount to the work we do. Therefore, an ethical supervisor needs to be able to explore, question and reflect honestly with their supervisee whilst always holding the client’s wellbeing and safety in mind.

Political and Social Awareness

We all exist in a social, political and cultural context. Therefore, this surely needs to be a part of supervision. Like in psychotherapy, a politically and socially aware therapist and supervisor will think about the place in society of their client and supervisee through their culture, sexuality, gender, age, class, ability and relationship to their identity.

Relationship to Power and Authority

This takes me to the supervisor’s relationship to power and authority and how they use, or potentially abuse, their role. A supervisor needs to hold their authority and personal power in a way that acknowledges the power imbalance in the supervisory relationship, whilst being open to being challenged and learning from others. Granted, this is a fine balance to strike and one which is entirely possible to hold if the supervisor him/herself is willing to have an ongoing enquiring relationship to their power and authority and be honest with themselves in these areas.

Self-awareness

This relates to the point above. For a practitioner to be able to supervise others in an ethical way, they need to practice what they preach. Senior practitioners can fall into the trap of thinking they know it all and don’t need to be professionally supervised or have therapy. In my opinion, this attitude can lead to a fall in professional standards, and even to professional negligence or malpractice.

Supervisor/therapist compatibility

Lack of compatibility between supervisor and therapist can have significant consequences for career development. Often, trainee therapists end up with a supervisor who is allocated to them, rather than actively choosing the right practitioner for them. As a trainee therapist, this experience led me to staying in supervision with an allocated supervisor for way longer than I should have. In the end I left feeling resentful and frustrated with the lack of compatibility between us in theoretical approach and professional direction. My learning had stalled and was hungry for someone that could help me grow professionally. I was lucky to then find the right person from whom I learnt immensely as a professional.

Theoretical and philosophical values

I believe that supervisor and supervisee need to be on the same page on the fundamental basics of what constitutes effective psychotherapy or counselling. Also, on the level of training and skill needed to offer an ethical and professional service which is of sound therapeutic value to the client.

Trust

Arguably, without trust there is no relationship which can withstand the challenges of this key professional alliance. The supervisor’s role is, in my opinion, the most important support system of a clinician. Hence, there needs to be enough trust for the therapist to be open and honest, and feel able to navigate through difficult issues with their supervisor. Both are required to acknowledge and respect that mutual trust is vital for the benefit of all involved: supervisor, supervisee and, ultimately, the client.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP registered psychotherapist, certified transactional analyst and clinical supervisor. She works with clients and supervisees in Hove and Lewes.

Further reading

Clinical Supervision

Self Care 101 for Therapists

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Burnout and compassion fatigue

Therapists, counsellors and anyone in the helping professions can appreciate both the rewards and hazards of their respective career choices. We can give people advice on how to care better for themselves, while at times not applying the same self-care principles to ourselves. At the worst, a lack of self-care can lead to burnout and compassion fatigue.

I believe that a lot of the difficulty lies in our deep-rooted beliefs and values about work, leisure and what constitutes self-care. ‘Helpers’ generally work hard, tend to focus on other’s wellbeing above their own, and want to make a difference. It’s our job to offer an outside professional perspective to our clients/ patients, but it can be challenging to approach our lives with the same objectivity. That’s why therapists also need therapy!

We are required to engage in continuing professional development, supervision and personal therapy and to abide by rigorous ethical standards. This is all in the service of ethical practice and self-awareness. These are valuable tools to help keep us in check and maintain an outside perspective on how we are doing as professionals. However, self-care goes beyond this and needs to extend to our lives outside work.

Achieving a well-balanced life is a work of art and an ongoing process. Knowing the principles of self-care is just the beginning. I’ve recently re-read an old article which was handed to me when I was still a trainee therapist. At the time, I couldn’t fully appreciate what it meant to self-care and have a balanced life. Now I believe it’s a fundamental part of my work, and ironically, one I had to work hard to put in place.

How to prevent burnout and compassion fatigue

The article, written by Vivian Baruch, cites research by other authors into prevention of compassion fatigue and burnout. For therapists (and other professionals) to stay motivated, an interest in activities unrelated to their work, engagement in spiritual and personal development and social support were some of the main factors cited. In addition to this, she listed some of the strategies for prevention of burnout below:

Don’t go it alone

Developing a sense of community and belonging both in our professional and personal lives to combat isolation and ‘refuel’.

Maintain a beginner’s mind

Learning something new such as a sport or hobby relieves us of the burden of being experts. Maintaining a beginner’s mind helps us stay open and curious in relation to our clients, loved ones and the world around us.

Prioritise

As a society we increasingly work harder and for longer hours. Simplifying our lives involves a shift in mindset from economy-driven fears to prioritising a less stressful life.

Heal and nurture yourself

Looking after ourselves physically and emotionally is a daily task. Recognising when it’s time to go back to therapy when old issues resurface, eating well, exercising and having a spiritual/mindful practice are all ways to ‘keep in check’.

You are not ‘it’

Ultimately, burnout involves losing touch with our needs and our centre. We all need ways to reconnect with ourselves and a sense of meaning and purpose. We are responsible to and not for others.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, Certified Transactional Analyst and supervisor, working in private practice in Hove and Lewes.

Further reading on the theme of self-care:

Four domains – maintaining wellbeing in turbulent times

Steps to a calmer mind

A daily practice to manage emotions

On having a daily practice

Self-care

Click here to download a PDF version of this post.

Click here to listen to our podcast on this post.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by 2 Comments

Aims and Goals of Couples’ Therapy

Often, couples get into a loop where they employ unhelpful behavioural patterns (or survival strategies) to mask their vulnerability. This triggers a similar response in their partner, who then becomes defensive and so on.

For example, one person may feel abandoned or rejected, becoming reactive and critical as a result. In response, their partner feels inadequate and withdraws, which makes the first person feel more alone. This makes them more critical, which results in their partner withdrawing from them further, and so the loop continues.

Therefore, one key aspect of couples’ therapy is to help couples feel vulnerable with each other and learn to express that vulnerability to their partners, rather than being defensive or attacking.

Empathy and empowerment

Empathy is a key component in couple relationships. When we feel stressed, sad, angry or upset, we need to be understood and soothed. If our partner holds us, emotionally or physically, it helps us feel better and it lowers our stress levels.

Another key part of couples’ therapy is helping partners develop emotional intelligence and maturity by becoming more reflective and thoughtful, rather than reactive. It’s interesting to observe that many of us will do this outside of the relationship. However, we might struggle to apply these same communication skills with our partners.

This enables couples to become sources of safety rather than danger to one another. It also involves moving from familiar and habitual patterns to a more conscious way of being with each other.

Therefore, much of the work helps people to move from disconnection to connection; disempowerment to empowerment. It is very empowering to be able to take better charge of your emotional states, to know how to communicate these with clarity and respect to your partner, and receive what they are saying to you with empathy.

To many, this may seem impossible, but these skills can be learned and developed with the help and support of a skilled therapist.

Finally, couples need to be willing to undertake this journey with each other with the understanding that sometimes it won’t be perfect and that they will make mistakes along the way. Being committed and willing to work on your relationship and learn from one another is absolutely vital to successful therapy.

Click here to download a PDF version of this post.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist and Certified Transactional Analyst with a special interest in cross-cultural and intergenerational influences.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by 4 Comments

What is psychotherapy?

Freud once described psychotherapy as the “impossible profession.” To those who have not experienced it, psychotherapy can sound like a curious, mysterious, complex or even frightening endeavour.

Using brief and simplistic explanations such as “talking to someone about your problems” to describe psychotherapy does not do it justice. At its best, psychotherapy is a process of looking at all aspects of an individual’s life in its depth and entirety.

What makes a person who they are?

Good psychotherapists are curious about what makes a person who they are, which begins with child development and the formation of personality structures and an individual’s past history of attachment to significant others and transgenerational influences. Additionally, psychotherapists take into account the historical, cultural, social and political influences in an individual’s life. These can include, for example, gender, age, disability, sexuality, cultural norms, their present situation and resources. All of these elements have an impact on how someone both views and processes the issues they bring to therapy.

Finally, much of what is communicated in the therapy room is communicated non-verbally, through facial expressions, body language and tone of voice. This isn’t to say that we, as therapists, scrutinise every detail of how someone presents. It is more about being genuinely curious about who the individual sitting in front of us is, and how they interact with those around them, so that they themselves begin sharing in this curiosity.

How does this lead to change?

Profound change in psychotherapy happens at different levels. At one level, it’s vital that we begin talking about what is troubling us with a curious and understanding other. This reduces isolation and helps us feel heard and validated. It is common for some of the symptoms to begin subsiding at this stage, and to experience a sense of relief. Another common response is for thoughts and feelings to surface more frequently, and this can lead to discomfort in the short term.

At this point, it is important to begin making sense of what we are experiencing. While it feels good to be heard, it is also necessary to skilfully sort through the chaos and uncertainty that can be generated by unprocessed feelings.

Alongside this, we will assess how past and present experiences are linked. For instance, does this situation bring up familiar feelings from the past? In dealing with this situation, what resources are available to you and what beliefs and values are hindering you? Where do these unhelpful influences come from? Throughout psychotherapy, we look at both conscious and unconscious influences in a person’s life. Some of the ways to explore those are through dialogue, associations, insight and dreams.

Next, we explore how to separate internalised unhelpful beliefs from current reality. Here, we draw on your internal resources, exploring the patterns repeat themselves in your life, and how to create a different way of being in the world. This process sounds more simplistic than it actually is, as some of our ways of being in the world are deeply ingrained and take time to shift. Plus, some are survival strategies which we have developed very early on and served us in getting through life, for better or worse.

Psychotherapy is a long-term endeavour because human beings are rich with complexity. This complexity can take time to unravel and transform. For long-term, sustainable change, there are no short cuts and quick fixes.

This just a taste of what psychotherapy can be. However, therapy is always led by what the individual (or group, family or couple) presents, and what they want to achieve. Getting there is a joint piece of work grounded in a solid working alliance between client and therapist.

If you are curious to find out more about how psychotherapy can be helpful to you, please get in touch with us at Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist and Certified Transactional Analyst with a special interest in cross-cultural and intergenerational influences.

Click here to download a PDF version of this post.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Psychotherapy for Social Change

Like many of us, I have been emotionally moved and disturbed by recent political events. Concerns over the choice of US president, the rise of the far right in Europe and Brexit have been driving many of us towards social and political initiatives.

I always believed that our work as therapists could make a real difference in people’s lives and that we could change the world one person at a time. The work of raising awareness, reducing psychological pain, educating and facilitating growth, empowering and encouraging people to live more authentic lives – all have an impact not only in an individual’s life, but also in their relationship with others, beginning in their immediate family and spreading to their community and society as a whole.

However, in turbulent times like this, my work within the confines of the consulting room does not feel like enough. The demonstrations on 21st January moved and inspired me to become even more involved in social change. The personal is the political. We all exist in a social, political and historical context and bring this with us into the therapy room. Whatever my part is in society, I hope I can continue to contribute in whichever small way by joining forces with a larger collective of like-minded individuals. May we as a society move more towards values that support fairness, equality, and better relationships between people, nations and the environment.

I hope this isn’t a utopic hope for the world, which denies the shadow aspects of human beings. In the therapy room, as in life, the personal is the political and I will continue to hold the values dear to me both within and outside of these four walls.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP registered psychotherapist and relational transactional analyst.

Click here to download a PDF version of this post.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

What makes a good leader?

The result of the US presidential election has created shockwaves around the world. The USA is taking its first steps into an uncertain future, with the reverberations of one of history’s most brutal presidential campaigns still echoing.    At this time, it seems apposite to reflect on the qualities of a strong leader.

Most people would agree that self-awareness is a vital element of good leadership. In order to effectively lead a team, group, organisation (or indeed, a country) you need to have a conscious understanding of your own character, desires and motives.

It is vital for a good leader to be able to take a step back and see the bigger picture. They should be able to examine their own internal responses, to have a clear vision and find a way of delivering something to others – a strategy, an idea, a plan – that has been carefully thought through.

 

The ability to reflect on emotional responses is crucially important – not to just blindly react to a feeling, which might lead to lashing out or sinking into despair, but to be able to identify it and to be curious about where it originates and what it might be telling you.

A strong leader will be resilient and robust enough to see challenges as opportunities for growth and to adopt a responsive, rather than a reactive style. Someone who has developed their self-knowledge does not become triggered easily or allows perceived slights to their ego to distract them from their objectives.

The ability to communicate effectively is also highly important. An effective leader should be able to listen attentively and empathise with the points of views of others, especially if these differ from their own. It is important for a leader to bring diverse people together to obtain a variety of different viewpoints. However, this does not mean that leaders should unquestioningly accept ideas – the ability to effectively challenge and provide constructive feedback is hugely important and will earn respect.

A strong leader should be firm but fair, and should set and hold clear boundaries, inspiring trust and confidence in others. This can be a difficult tightrope to walk – too harsh, and you alienate others. Too soft, and you are not taken seriously.

Of course, this process of self-development will never be entirely finished, but the ability to dispassionately examine your own behaviour and feelings is key to developing your capacity for self-awareness.

Unfortunately, as we all know, sometimes, the people that are chosen for leadership roles are not necessarily those who encompass these ideal qualities. Many people have stories of workplace bosses whose unreasonable behaviour makes work difficult for everyone they encounter. It remains to be seen how effective the new President of the United States will be in encompassing these qualities.

However, we can all work towards adopting these characteristics in our daily lives. After all, we all control our own behaviour and reactions to events in the world. You are in charge of all the various physical and mental components that make up the whole of ‘you’, whatever that may be. While matters of world leadership may be outside our control, we can start with ourselves, today.

Kate Connolly and Sam Jahara

small-pdf-icon

Click here to view and download a full PDF of this blog post.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by 1 Comment

Steps to a calmer mind

Overthinking and overdoing can lead us to feeling stressed and anxious, disrupt our sleep and even lead to depression. We have previously written about the role of psychotherapy in emotional regulation. However, we all need a daily practice with simple steps to quieten the mind and feel more present with ourselves and others.

If you are on the treadmill of life, struggling to slow down and enjoy the landscape, here are some simple steps to help you with the art of quietening the mind and coming back to your senses. Try to go through it very slowly, pausing after each sentence.

Sit in a comfortable position…

 

Notice where you are holding tension in your body and what needs to relax.

 

Now, begin by relaxing your eyes…

 

your eyebrows…

 

and your temples.

 

Then focus on your lips,

 

your tongue…

 

and the inside of your mouth.

 

Now feel your throat…

 

your neck…

 

and loosen your shoulders a little.

 

Feel your breath at the chest area and feel your chest opening.

 

Loosen the belly by taking a few deep and slow breaths into your belly.

 

Now become aware of your pelvic region.

 

Notice the length and volume of your legs.

 

Feel your feet.

 

Now… notice your whole body breathing.

 

Every time the mind tries to drift, bring yourself back to the sounds and sensations in your body, including the rhythm of your breath.

 

Take a moment here.

 

Enjoy this wonderful feeling of presence and relaxation.

 

Come back and do it again, whenever you need to pause.

 

Have a great weekend.

small-pdf-iconClick here to download and save a full PDF of this blog post.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by 3 Comments

Counselling and Psychotherapy – Differences

Two of the most frequent questions we get asked is are there any differences between counselling and psychotherapy and which do I need?

Well, one way of thinking about the difference is that counselling is more about having someone walk alongside you during a difficult time.  Sometimes this is all that’s needed – someone who is able to empathise, listen and be present with you as you find your way – for instance, after a bereavement.

Other people experience challenges in life as a result of more deep-rooted issues and patterns of relating that can leave them with low self-esteem, shame or depression, for example. This is where a trained clinical psychotherapist can be more helpful in navigating those issues.

Counselling therefore tends to be over a shorter period of time and deals with less complex issues than psychotherapy.

There are also significant differences in level of skill and training for counsellors and psychotherapists. Psychotherapists train for longer at a post-graduate level, have an in-depth understanding and experience of a range of mental health diagnosis and have had their own personal therapy.

Both Mark Vahrmeyer and Sam Jahara are UKCP registered psychotherapists, trained to work at depth with both individuals and couples.

If you are unsure about what you may need, get in touch with us and we will be pleased to refer you to the right clinician.

small-pdf-iconClick here to download and save a full PDF of this blog post.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by 1 Comment

Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy

Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis (TA) described it as ‘a theory of personality and a

systematic psychotherapy for personal growth and change’.

In Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy, we adopt the philosophical principles that:

– People are fundamentally OK, even if they sometimes behave in not-OK ways;

– Everyone (with rare exceptions) has the capacity to think, and can decide what they want from life;

– We make decisions early in life as a result of our experiences, and these decisions can be changed.

In TA, both client and therapist take joint responsibility for achieving the changes that you want to make in therapy.

Central to TA are equality, transparency and open communication, and these underpin our therapeutic work throughout.

The ultimate therapeutic aim of TA Psychotherapy is to achieve autonomy. The definition of autonomy being: awareness, spontaneity and the capacity for intimacy.

In addition to the above, some of the main advantages of TA as a therapeutic method are:

– It helps us easily understand the psychological dynamics within people and between people.

– It embraces cultural diversity and is known world-wide

– It can be used both in short- and long-term psychotherapy

– It’s flexible and applicable with individuals, couples, groups, families and organisations. And finally,

– TA brings together both the depth of psychoanalysis and the warmth of a relational approach.

Sam Jahara and Gerry Gilmartin offer Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy to individuals and couples. Sam Jahara also runs a long-term Psychotherapy Group based on TA principles.

Sam Black and whiteGerry-Gilmartin-image

 

 

 

 

 

Please get in touch with us to find out more.

small-pdf-iconClick here to download and save a full PDF of this blog post.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by 1 Comment

Trauma and Recovery

Judith Herman (1992), writes:

“Psychological trauma is an affliction of the powerless. At the moment of trauma, the victim is rendered helpless by overwhelming force. Traumatic events overwhelm the ordinary systems of care that give people a sense of control, connection, and meaning”

Although Herman’s book was written more than twenty years ago, and findings in neuroscience have given psychotherapists a rich body of information to work with since, I summarize here three of the core symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), followed by three stages of recovery from trauma explored in her book “Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence – from domestic abuse to political terror”.

1. Hyperarousal/ Hypervigilance

This is a state of permanent alert after a traumatic event as if danger is constantly around the corner. Common factors include: startle reactions, psychosomatic symptoms, irritability, aggressive behaviour, nightmares and poor sleep, arising from the chronic arousal of the autonomic nervous system (ANS).

For instance, in case of soldiers returning from war, when they are eventually removed from the stressful and threatening environment the anxiety initially recedes. However, after a while the psychological symptoms persists and cannot be integrated into a life of safety and security.

2. Intrusion

This entails reliving the traumatic event as if it was happening in the present. “It is as if time stops at the moment of trauma” (1992, p. 37). This manifests in the form of flashbacks, recurring dreams and vivid emotional memories triggered by reminders of the event (s).

“Traumatic memories lack verbal narrative and context; rather, they are encoded in the form of vivid sensations and images.” (1992, p.38)

3. Constriction

Also called numbing or a state of hyperarousal. “Perception may be numbed or distorted, with partial anaesthesia or the loss of particular sensations. […] The person may feel as though the event is not happening to her, as though she is observing from outside her body […]” (1992, p.43).

Numbness happens either through a psychological dissociative state or is also chemically induced with the help of drugs and alcohol.
Although dissociation can be a useful survival mechanism during a traumatic event, it becomes a barrier to relating with self and others after the event has passed.

Steps to Recovery

 

A Healing Relationship

Disempowerment and disconnection from others is central to traumatic experiences. Therefore, it is vital that healing occurs within a trusting and empowering therapeutic relationship, and with the support of significant others wherever possible.

“Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation” (p.134).

Herman (1992) describes three main stages of recovery from trauma, which I list below. However, as therapists, we bear in mind that recovery isn’t necessarily a linear process, and treatment plans are used more as a helpful guide rather than something to strictly adhere to. In addition, every therapeutic work is tailored to the individual’s unique circumstances. Each stage may take days, weeks or months and be revisited again and again over the course not only of therapy but of one’s life.

1. Safety

The first stage of recovery entails naming the problem and normalizing common symptoms. Once the issue is identified, treatment can begin.

In the therapeutic work it is important to begin restoring control by establishing safety: “Survivors feel unsafe in their bodies. Their emotions and their thinking feel out of control. They also feel unsafe in relation to other people” (p.160).

Establishing safety begins through learning to regain control of the body by focusing on restoration of the natural biological rhythms (attending to health needs, medication, diet, exercise, sleep, relaxation, etc.), and gradually moves toward gaining control of the environment (engaging caring others, living situation, finances, self-protection, etc.).

2. Remembrance and Mourning

“In the second stage of recovery, the survivor tells the story of the trauma” (p.175). In therapeutic terms it is called ‘trauma debriefing’. It is a work of reconstruction and reintegration of memories into the person’s life. The therapist acts as a witness and ally in whose presence the unspeakable can be spoken.

Trauma debriefing needs to be carefully and sensitively negotiated between therapist and client, making sure the client remains within a ‘window of tolerance’ (Ogden, Minton & Pain 2006) between hyper- (agitation) and hypo-arousal (numbness).

Trauma inevitably involves loss. The mourning of those losses is both vital and one of the most challenging steps of recovery. This is because grieving is a complex process, varying in degree depending on circumstances. However, without mourning healing is unlikely to take place.

3. Reconnection

“Having come to terms with the traumatic past, the survivor faces the task of creating a future” (p.196).

Whereas in the first stage of recovery survivors focus mainly on establishing safety by creating an environment which is protective, the third stage may entail engaging with the world and facing their circumstances head on. In some cases this will involve accusing or confronting others who were either directly involved with the abuse or stood by.

This stage also involves reconciling with (and forgiving) oneself by means of developing desire and initiative. Survivors slowly recognize and begin to let go of negative aspects in themselves that were formed as a result of the trauma.

This process involves self-compassion, self-respect, and working toward renewing trust in others.

This isn’t to say that there is ever a final resolution to traumatic experiences. Life circumstances and events may bring back familiar feelings experienced before the start of treatment. As previously said, the course of recovery is not linear. The various stages are revisited, each time with renewed integration and strength.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist and Certified Transactional Analyst.

pdf icon

Click here to download a full PDF version of this post. To read more posts from our blog, click here.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

New Year Reflections

Like many of us, at the end of each year I like to take some time to reflect on the past year and also look to the year ahead for changes and improvements I’d like to make in the personal and professional areas of my life. The beginning of a new calendar year can be a good opportunity for a reflective pause before going back into the busy-ness of working life.

I am sharing some of my reflections in the professional domain in here, hoping it will inspire you to think about yours too. This can be followed in any format. Here are some of my appreciations and challenges, and suggestions for further thoughts:

What I have appreciated in the past year

I am really appreciative of what a good year this has been for our practice, Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy. We have continued to offer a valuable, skilled, ethical and professional service to many individuals in East Sussex. In addition, working alongside other skilled therapists who enjoy practicing from our premises has continued to be a positive experience.

As therapists we are fully committed to improving ourselves in all domains: intellectually, psychologically, emotionally and physically. Thus, I am really appreciative of all the great extra training we have undertaken in the past year. We continue to be engaged and passionate about the latest research in the fields of psychotherapy and mental health. This also includes looking further afield, including the areas of functional medicine, nutrition and health. We strongly believe that the more we develop ourselves as people and as practitioners, and the more we “walk the talk”, the better we can be of service to our clients.

What I have found challenging:

Balancing work and life is a modern day challenge for many of us, and I am certainly not immune to it! Learning to self-care is an ongoing endeavour and one that we at Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy are deeply committed to.

Some of the challenges of being really passionate about self-development and further training is finding the right balance. 2015 has been a training-heavy year, involving a great deal of academic reading and writing. Therefore, my intention is to give myself more of a break in 2016 and focus more on integrating last year’s accomplishments.

Continuing on this strand of thought I elaborated by including:

– What I have learnt

– What I’d like to let go of

– Some intentions for the year ahead

To summarise, I continue to strive for integration and balance in the personal and professional domains, which entails combining worthwhile and contributing work with quality of life. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it!?

Happy New Year to all!

Sam Jahara

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

by Leave a Comment

Holiday Blues?

This time of year can evoque a range of feelings in most of us. Whilst some of us may have a festive and positive outlook on Christmas and look forward to spending time with friends and family, for many it is a time filled with conflicting emotions. Some of us have difficult memories associated with Christmas and family gatherings. For me, this season was always associated with positive memories of my grandmother. After she recently passed away, Christmas became a reminder of her absence.

Going through sad and difficult times without ignoring or suppressing feelings can be a challenge. When working with my clients around grief, loss and relationship issues I tend to be curious and ask questions about what they are experiencing and really honour those feelings, after all, they are there for a reason. In the absence of an experienced professional to guide you through this process, here are some ideas to help you not only cope, but make the most out of a challenging time.

Listen to your body

This doesn’t mean act impulsively. It is more about listening for what the vulnerable part of you needs. This may be a hot bath with a good book, a warm drink by the fire, a nice home cooked meal or spending time with a supportive friend. It could also be a long run, or a dance or yoga class. Whatever self-care tool helps you feel well and connected.

Challenge Expectations

There are many ways to spend your holidays. If you rather be on your own or spend it some place else, then why not? Just because it’s tradition for many families to gather at Christmas, it doesn’t mean you have to! If you fear that saying ‘no’ to family gatherings will upset or disappoint family members, explain that you are making a different choice this year and that you hope they will be supportive of your decision.

Spend Time Reflecting

The end of the year can be a good opportunity to review and reflect on the past year. Reflections on your present life in terms of what is going well and what could be improved on is a good starting point. Are you following your dreams and aspirations? How are you contributing to causes that you care about? What are some of your wishes for the future? Where would you like to see yourself this time next year?

Make Positive Decisions

Many people come to psychotherapy to reflect on and improve their lives with the support of an impartial other. It is never too late to become more self-aware and make significant changes in the areas of your life that you are not happy with. Whether you are experiencing grief, going through relationship issues, depression, anxiety or feeling stuck in your life, an experienced counsellor or psychotherapist will explore those feelings with you in a supportive, interested and non-judgemental way.

Wishing all a relaxing holiday and a fruitful year ahead.

Sam Jahara

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

Click Here to Enquire

Hove Clinic
49 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex, BN3 2BE

Lewes Clinic
Star Brewery, Studio 22, 1 Castle Ditch Lane, Lewes, BN7 1YJ

Copyright © 2023