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June 10, 2016 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy 1 Comment

Steps to a calmer mind

Overthinking and overdoing can lead us to feeling stressed and anxious, disrupt our sleep and even lead to depression. We have previously written about the role of psychotherapy in emotional regulation. However, we all need a daily practice with simple steps to quieten the mind and feel more present with ourselves and others.

If you are on the treadmill of life, struggling to slow down and enjoy the landscape, here are some simple steps to help you with the art of quietening the mind and coming back to your senses. Try to go through it very slowly, pausing after each sentence.

IMG_2205

Sit in a comfortable position…

 

Notice where you are holding tension in your body and what needs to relax.

 

Now, begin by relaxing your eyes…

 

your eyebrows…

 

and your temples.

 

Then focus on your lips,

 

your tongue…

 

and the inside of your mouth.

 

Now feel your throat…

 

your neck…

 

and loosen your shoulders a little.

 

Feel your breath at the chest area and feel your chest opening.

 

Loosen the belly by taking a few deep and slow breaths into your belly.

 

Now become aware of your pelvic region.

 

Notice the length and volume of your legs.

 

Feel your feet.

 

Now… notice your whole body breathing.

 

Every time the mind tries to drift, bring yourself back to the sounds and sensations in your body, including the rhythm of your breath.

 

Take a moment here.

 

Enjoy this wonderful feeling of presence and relaxation.

 

Come back and do it again, whenever you need to pause.

 

Have a great weekend.

small-pdf-iconClick here to download and save a full PDF of this blog post.

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Filed Under: Sam Jahara Tagged With: Health, Psychotherapy, self-awareness, self-care

March 21, 2016 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Top tips for breaking a bad habit

stop_smoking_habitWe all have bad habits.  Some are fairly innocuous and others, at the extreme, can develop into behavioural addictions.

Many of us try our hardest to break bad habits, but end up failing miserably.  There is a particular time of year – New Year’s – when many of us set out to ‘turn over a new sheet’ and to give up on habits that may not serve us.  And the statistical evidence shows that on average, only around 8% of us manage to stick to our resolutions.  We then generally put this down to us being weak-willed in some way, but the real reasons why breaking a bad habit is so hard are more complex.

Why are bad habits so hard to break?

Neuroscientists are starting to unlock the secrets of how our brain plays a key role in us staying stuck in old habits.  And it has a lot to do with dopamine – a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centre.

Our brain gets very easily distracted and searches for past rewards that it felt when engaging in an activity – even when the rewards are no longer there or perhaps never were.  Dopamine causes our brains to gravitate towards behaviours and activities that were previously pleasing.  And once a habit gets laid down, we have much less control of our brains than we like to believe.

So, rather than being weak-willed, our brains (or a part of them) are hijacking our behaviour to seek out its dopamine hit.

Top tips

How do we break this cycle?  Well, researchers are now suggesting that instead of focusing on stopping the negative behaviour, we should instead focus on replacing it with a new one that will give our brains some reward.

The first step in this process is to identify what the exact nature of the reward is that we get from the behaviour.  For example, if we find that we snack late at night because we are hungry, then changing meal times; changing food types; moving exercise routines etc. can all help to change our cravings.  It may be, however, that we snack because we are feeling bored, in which case, going for a walk around the block may be a suitable substitute.

In the 12-step program, participants are invited to HALT before engaging with their addiction.  HALT is an acronym that stands for asking the questions: ‘Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired’.  Often, it is one of these feelings that is driving the addictive craving.

So, instead of self-critiquing when we once again go down the rabbit hole of a bad habit or addiction, get really interested in the following questions:

  • What am I feeling?
  • What triggered me? – time of day, activity (e.g. drinking correlating to smoking)
  • What would meet my needs in this moment?

By engaging with these questions, you can take control by focusing on putting in place a behaviour or set of behaviours that makes you happier and provides your brain with dopamine for the right reasons.

Mark Vahrmeyer is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist working in private practice and palliative care.

pdf icon

 

For more information, click here to download our guide on habits, including top tips on breaking habits.

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Filed Under: Mark Vahrmeyer Tagged With: Brain, habit, Health, self-care

July 15, 2011 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Being vulnerable

I feel open, moved and in awe of the struggles clients bring to counselling. Sitting in my chair, I am aware of my spine being supported, my belly moving with each in and out breath and of my heart beating. I pay attention to how my body responds to my clients’ emotions, state of confusion or resistance. Their struggles play out in our relationship too.

Relationships are complex because we carry our emotional baggage with us wherever we go. However, when we meet someone new, the first thing we want to do is pretend this baggage doesn’t exist.

In therapy the reverse process occurs because there is a constant invitation for the emotional baggage to emerge, given it is the very thing which we work with. Showing one’s vulnerability to another person can be scary, overwhelming and painful. Yet it can also be wonderful. To expose your demons to another and trust that they will still be there in the end, loving you regardless, takes tremendous courage.

For this, I want to acknowledge all those who have taken the first step in this journey.

Sam Jahara

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

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Filed Under: Mental Health, Psychotherapy, Sam Jahara, Society Tagged With: Emotion, Health, Mental Health, relationship

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