In a previous article, we explored what parental burnout is, why it develops, and why it is not a personal failure. But how can parents find some relief? Parental burnout is not a fixed state. It is the result of a prolonged mismatch between demands and available resources. Shifting that balance can help reduce exhaustion,…
How our brain changes in psychotherapy Many of the things we want in life can now be found very quickly and without struggle. When we think about emotional change, it can be seductive to believe that the same rules should apply; meet with a therapist, take away some quick answers and leave a new person….
What is NVR? Non Violent Resistance (NVR) is a powerful, relational approach that supports parents facing violence, aggression, controlling behaviour, or destructive family dynamics. It is equally valuable for families who feel overwhelmed, depleted, or stuck in unhelpful patterns, even when violence is not present. At its heart, NVR helps families recognise unhelpful dynamics, build…
When disaster changes the course of life, the effects are rarely contained to the moment of crisis. The visible damage is often matched by hidden struggles that surface in the days, months, or years afterwards. In my own work, I have sat alongside people who have faced devastating events, and I have seen how deeply…
For some children, school is a place of growth, friendship, and discovery. For others, however, walking through the gates each morning can feel like an uphill climb. The school day may seem long, and the combination of lessons, friendships, and expectations can stir emotions that children find difficult to express. Parents often notice the signs…
The new Netflix series Adolescence has sparked conversation for its raw portrayal of teenage life and family tension. As an NVR practitioner for the past nine years, I’ve come to realise that I view my world now through an NVR lens. As I was watching the show I was struck by its affirmation of a…
Non-violent resistance (NVR) is a hugely effective, forward-looking and relational approach which helps parents to un pick what is happening in the family, to begin to recognise and disrupt entrenched patterns of interaction and to break down the barriers which stand in the way of change. In so doing, parents, who might start the work…
Psychotherapy was revolutionised in the second half of the last century by the development of attachment theory, the science of human bonding and needs. I wrote about this in my BHP blog ‘Why we need a secure base’. It describes how infants who do not have their primary needs met – for comfort, warmth and…
To some, the suggestion of being creative conjures exciting ideas of creating art, music and stories. To others it invokes a sense of dread, with a belief that creativity must be accompanied by a special talent, accomplishment and validation from others. This could be from negative experiences of art or music, for example in childhood,…
Is there an expectation that we will not have uncomfortable emotions? To have different emotions is to be human. Life is about feeling emotions. We notice our emotions and label them. Emotion is normal, we have to feel it to get past it. How we look at things and process information is based on our…
They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. These lines open Philip Larkin’s best-known poem, ‘This Be The Verse’. I still remember our English…
Poets and artists have an uncanny knack for connecting our hearts and minds. In many ways this is also the project of psychotherapy; in any application of the underlying science it too becomes an art. Rarely do people enter therapy in search of theories, rather they want their experience, often painful, addressed. Dealing with the…