We use the words unconscious and subconscious quite frequently, but what do they really describe?The unconscious and its processes are an integral aspect of exploration and discovery in psychoanalytic therapy, but what do we mean and understand when we refer to this unseen and unknowable … [Read more...]
The empty chair in therapy
Can talking to an empty chair help ease our mental distress and help make us more positive and confident?It may seem a strange idea, but evidence has been accumulating for more than ninety years that it can. The techniques involved, initially called ‘psychodrama’, originated in 1930s New York. … [Read more...]
What happens in groups: free-floating discussion
There are many overlaps and similarities between what happens in one-to-one and group therapy. There are also many differences. Below I am going to talk about a group process called ‘free-floating discussion’ (Foulkes 1964, pp 40, 126).In any group session, individual members are likely to bring … [Read more...]
Ageing and death
Ageing and death are two topics we find difficult to think and talk about. Do you remember when you first realised you were a grown up? Major events like the loss of a parent signal a change in the social pecking order, and how society or the world sees us. There are moments that symbolise the … [Read more...]
No space to be heard?
When life feels like it’s getting on top of us, it can feel like there’s no space for our thoughts and feelings to be heard. This can make us feel isolated, and the problems we’re trying to deal with seem a lot worse. This points to the core of what therapy offers: physical and psychological space … [Read more...]
Don’t tear down psychological fences until you understand their purpose
In the field of social reform there is a wise principle called ‘Chesterton’s fence’ which, in simple terms, suggests that reforms should not be implemented until the existing state of affairs is understood. In other words, don’t tear down a fence until you understand why it was erected in the first … [Read more...]
Radical self-care as an antidote to overwhelm
‘It’s all too much’There are times in life when things get to a point where it is all too much. Usually, as a result of an accumulation of emotional, mental and physical demands without much respite. For instance, ongoing personal or professional conflict, a pervasive sense of stuckness, … [Read more...]
How do I become more assertive?
Ask any psychotherapist what the goal of therapy is and you will likely get a slightly different answer. However, I would suggest that assertiveness is a core aspect of the work - allow me to explain.Assertiveness is relational in context. We can and need courage to go forth in life but … [Read more...]
I worked as a psychotherapist with death. Here’s what I learnt
Most psychotherapists have specific experience in one or multiple fields and one of mine happens to be death.From 2012 to 2016, I worked at a large UK hospice as part of the clinical team supporting both patients and relatives. The work was confronting, humbling and hugely varied and it taught … [Read more...]
The adult survivor of neglect and abuse – lifelong considerations
Children who have been neglected and/or abused live to one degree or another with a lifelong legacy which can impact every aspect of their lives. Depending on the severity of abuse and neglect, the impact on the relationship with self and others will be significant and show up in many ways. I have … [Read more...]
What is love?
Perhaps a question that has occupied humans since the dawn of time, it may seem like an odd title for an article, however, the answer to this question in psychological terms is profound.What love is notFirstly, love is not really what most people believe it to be; the opposite of … [Read more...]
What is the difference between loving and longing?
Loving and longing can be frequently found in song lyrics nestled up alongside each other as though they are somehow related, however, I would suggest that psychologically they are very different and perhaps opposites, especially in the context of relationships.To understand longing, we need to … [Read more...]
When something has to change
So you’ve known for a while that something isn’t right? Maybe a destabilising anxiety is affecting your daily life or a dark mood is getting harder to shake off? Maybe arguments in your closest relationship keep cycling around an endless loop? Still, you’ve pressed on with the hope that this is just … [Read more...]
Embracing a mindful new year: achieving resolutions with ACT therapy
As we step into the new year, many of us are eager to set resolutions and make positive changes in our lives. However, we often find ourselves struggling to stick to these goals. This year, lets explore how acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can guide us in setting meaningful resolutions and … [Read more...]
It’s not me…it’s us!
(Projections, roles, and polarisations in the ‘couple’ dynamic)In this article, I will think about the ways in which project into each other when in a couple relationship, often creating roles diametrically opposed to each other. As I will suggest, these dynamics are generally unhelpful and … [Read more...]