The new Netflix series Adolescence has sparked conversation for its raw portrayal of teenage life and family tension. As an NVR practitioner for the past nine years, I’ve come to realise that I view my world now through an NVR lens. As I was watching the show I was struck by its affirmation of a…
Why psychotherapists must remain vigilant about boundaries Despite training, supervision, and ethical guidelines, psychotherapists—like all human beings—remain vulnerable to lapses in judgment. At best, these take the form of clinical misattunements. At worst, they can result in serious boundary violations with lasting harm. Understanding the structural and psychological functions of boundaries is essential to safeguard…
“… the truth is that if division and violence define war, the world has always been at war and always will be; if man is waiting for universal peace in order to establish his existence validly, he will wait indefinitely: there will never be any other future”. (Beauvoir, 1948, p.128-9) It is hard to look…
The rise in diagnosis Talking therapies are a well-established means by which we think about and work with mental health. They don’t sit in a traditional clinical framework where we think of consultation, diagnosis and treatment. They offer a much more nuanced approach which breaks down the dynamic of specialist and patient. It is more…
We can get confusing mixed messages when it comes to understanding vulnerability. Some people tell us that it’s vital to show our vulnerable side in our relationships, though for reasons that often seem less than clear to us. Whereas our typical response to vulnerability might more realistically be to run away as fast as we…
What emerges for us when we consider capability and capacity (i.e. passion, ethics, power, and potential) as a continuous living question and movement? One that never ceases to be reshaped, if we open into our experiences and recognise and intimately feel the sensorial and impermanent nature of human existence. What happens if we do not…
Data as part of our lives There must be very few people who don’t own or use a device that is in some way taking note of their day-to-day lives. Steps taken, hours slept, calories burned. The list of data that our wearable devices can generate for us is sizeable. It might not be something…
After many years of hard work, when life was finally falling into place, does it feel like everything is suddenly changing? That you’re blinking into a life transition you neither asked for nor saw coming? In this article we’ll be discussing life transitions: how they can challenge us at a deep and even existential level,…
The importance of boundaries in psychotherapy I think it’s probably fair to say that all models of psychotherapy view boundaries as important. Analytic therapies particularly emphasise the role of boundaries and see them as integral to the psychotherapeutic process. There are many ways of understanding why boundaries are crucial. When I reflect on my work…
There is currently a great deal of noise and speculation about whether artificial intelligence (AI) can provide therapy. There are strong advocates on both sides of the argument, and evidence would suggest that, at least to some degree, AI can provide what some describe as ‘therapy’. The NHS, in part driven by its chronic funding…
Why interdependence is a healthy middle ground for mental and emotional wellness How often do you hear people encouraging others to be ‘independent’ and ‘self-reliant’? Maybe you’ve even been that person trying to motivate someone to ‘stand on your own two feet’ and ‘try not to lean on others’. Sentiments like this might be expressed…
Non-violent resistance (NVR) is a hugely effective, forward-looking and relational approach which helps parents to un pick what is happening in the family, to begin to recognise and disrupt entrenched patterns of interaction and to break down the barriers which stand in the way of change. In so doing, parents, who might start the work…
This is a question that I am often asked. Everyone overthinks sometimes however for some people this can feel like a constant. Some people worry a lot about what others think of them, they can rehash conversations they’ve had, worry about what they’ve said and if they should have said this or that or whether…
For many people the word ‘homework’ stirs up rather negative memories of being forced to stay in when the sun was shining, or toiling over the complexities of maths equations rather than enjoying computer gaming or other hobbies. But in psychotherapy, engaging in relevant tasks connected with mental wellbeing during the week between sessions can…
In a previous blog we discussed the links between exercise and mental health and how exercise can be hugely important for raising and maintaining our mood. In this blog, we will discuss how the healthy habit of exercise can sometimes become addictive, and can actually harm both our physical and mental health. When healthy habits…
This is a common question clients ask therapists. Sometimes clients describe having mood swings, one minute they are feeling fine and the next are feeling very low, and for others it can be suddenly feeling irritable or angry. Sometimes there is an obvious trigger to the change in mood but often clients report no trigger,…
Psychotherapy was revolutionised in the second half of the last century by the development of attachment theory, the science of human bonding and needs. I wrote about this in my BHP blog ‘Why we need a secure base’. It describes how infants who do not have their primary needs met – for comfort, warmth and…
When working with trainees and supervisees, I frequently refer to the need for a psychotherapist to ‘stay in their chair’. Let me explain. Psychotherapy is a relationship. It is a very intimate and unique relationship between the clinician and their patient, which is principally about the needs of the patient. This, however, does not mean…
Dissociation is a term used to describe the mental process of ‘getting rid of’ painful or traumatic feelings by banishing them to a ‘nothing’ place within – for good and for bad. The paradox of dissociation is that in the process of such banishment, far from being shut down, traumatic experience can take on a…
As a psychotherapist, I sometimes encounter individuals struggling with the unsettling emotion of envy. While we might visualise the ‘green-eyed monster’ and make light of it, it can sometimes grow into a significant problem. The socio-economic context Many of us face anxieties over whether what we have is enough. Today, even those who once felt…