Death like birth is a one off life event. We cannot learn through our experience of either to “get it right” next time. Love on the other hand (or the act of ‘falling in love’) is an event amenable to repetition. As such it is also available for re-definition by the forces of culture –…
“Watch your plants and see what they’re telling you” (Ollie Walker, Hosta grower, Gardeners’ World, BBC2, 14.6.19). Ollie Walker has fallen in love with the diversity of Hostas and delights in watching them grow. This is some dedicated watching: the nursery he works at stock over 800 varieties. Noticing small changes in thousands of plants,…
The way we relate to others, including our partners is complex and multi-layered. It is developed over time and although we can to an extent control what we say and do within our relationships it is more difficult to understand why we behave and feel the way we do in relation to others. One way…
As much as we might fight it, our own experiences of being parented, create within us blueprints or ‘internal working models’ of what it is to be a parent. These models only become fully activated when we become parents ourselves, and often take us by surprise. For instance, we may find ourselves ‘turning into’ our…
This blog follows on from my previous blog – Existential Therapy. This is how I have interpreted some vital notions connected to existential therapies. Existential therapy is a diverse approach which is used to understand and clarify a client’s problems and possibilities for living their existence. Below are some more of the vital principles (as…
We spend much of our lives online these days and increasingly more services are available online that traditionally would have been conducted face to face. This is the same with psychotherapy and counselling, and there is a growing availability of online therapy services around on the internet. So, is online therapy for you? There are…
What is the difference between a counsellor and a psychotherapist? The terms counselling and psychotherapy are often used interchangeably and many mental health practitioners use both terms to describe themselves. In this article I explore whether there is a difference between counselling and psychotherapy, what that difference may be and why may matter. In very…
Professor Richard Layard, one time ‘Happiness Tsar’, wrote, ‘in every study, family relationships, (and our close private life) are more important than any other single factor in affecting our happiness’. It’s hard to grow and feel safe and content in the world if our family stories are causing us distress and discomfort. This is especially…
In times such as this, I question my role as a psychotherapist wishing that I had studied something that could truly and directly help the climate and environmental crisis that we face. I feel so connected to the natural world that to see it being destroyed, disregarded and exploited to this scale, to see us,…
The Paradoxical Theory of Change[i] states that we can only change aspects of ourselves when we first become what we are. Likewise, in order to support children’s development, we also need first to see them for who they really are and accept where they are at. This can be a difficult thing to do. To…
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a short-term evidence-backed therapy with a high success rate in supporting clients to move through difficulties in their relationship. This includes one or both partners who have experienced early trauma. It is shown to to be an extremely effective way of helping distressed couples strengthen their attachment bond, particularly where…
“A rich tapestry of intersecting therapeutic practices, all of which orientate themselves around shard concern: human lived experience” (1) What is existential therapy? I’m asked this a lot. I even ask myself from time to time. In some ways it could be described as an attitude held by the therapist. It is certainly, in my…
We are evolutionarily wired for stress. For our early ancestors, inhabiting a natural world beset with predatory dangers the flight/fight response was crucial to survival. The same alarm system exists today for the same survival purpose evolution originally intended. What is different is that today the more likely sources of threat (at least for those…
When working with couples I am often struck by how much they love each other! This may sound surprising – by definition the couples I see in my practice have come to me because their relationship is in trouble. However I rarely see couples who say they no longer love each other. In my experience…
Many people will use the terms ‘fate’ and ‘ interchangeably and it can often not only be difficult to differentiate between the two, but also to understand what is actually meant by them. Both terms essentially refer to predetermined events that lie outside of our control and thus imply some sort of ‘higher power’ rendering…
New, ongoing adult psychotherapy group starting in Autumn 2019 A new, ongoing adult psychotherapy group is due to start in the Autumn – a mixed gender group held at the Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Practice in Hove on Saturday mornings. This group will be guided by group-analytic principles and hold similar aims to psychoanalytic psychotherapy….
Contrary to its intention, praise does not always make a child feel good. Whilst we might typically think of praise as a gift, it is technically an evaluative judgement on the other person (e.g. “you’re a good girl” or “you’re a brilliant artist”), which for some children can be experienced as threatening or even dysregulating…
You might have seen EMDR being spoken about in the media a fair bit recently. Many famous people have been speaking out about how it has helped them with psychological difficulties, most often past traumas, but what actually is it? EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It was developed in 1987 by American…
Freud believed personality and behaviour come from the unique interaction of conflicting psychological forces that operate on different levels of awareness: the preconscious, conscious and unconscious. He believed these play an important role in behaviour. During therapy, we tap into our unconscious mind to discover more. How Therapy Works Therapy is often referred to as…
Deciding that you want or need psychological help can be a difficult position to arrive at. Choosing the right practitioner to work with can feel like a daunting task with so many different fields of talk therapy, types of therapy and professional bodies overseeing the field. This blog is a guide to helping you find…