The start of a new year feels like a good time to make resolutions to change your life. Cut down on drinking, learn something new, be more efficient, be kinder, be more sociable or get fit. Gym memberships regularly peak in January, increasing by 10%-20% but how many of those new memberships are used? According…
Who would have known a recent visit to Alexandria Park in Hastings and a guided tree walk would inspire this work in progress. The Park happens to have a very diverse and nationally significant tree collection planted by Robert Manock in 1882, and subsequent others. Much of what was conveyed was fascinating but left my…
Christmas can be an emotionally challenging and difficult time for many of us. There is such expectation on how Christmas ‘should’ be. Yet like the weather fails to deliver on the ‘winter wonderland’ scenes on the TV adverts, for many of us, our family experience often falls far short of the loving idyllic family reunions…
Christmas can be an emotionally challenging and difficult time for many of us. There is such expectation on how Christmas ‘should’ be, yet like the weather, it often fails to deliver on the ‘winter wonderland’ scenes on the TV adverts. For so many of us our family experience often falls far short of the loving…
Some years ago, I was given a card that quoted the second and third verse of Auden’s poem, ‘As I walked out one evening’. It was wonderful, the idea that someone could be loved until two continents met across the Pacific Ocean. What a romantic notion. For many of us, when we fall in love…
When Covid struck we could no longer deliver therapy face-to-face and so this meant that many of us had to adjust to therapy online using a video web platform such as Microsoft Teams or Zoom. This was both challenging for the therapist and the client, however many people now prefer therapy online. Research has shown…
Ask yourself if you would like to be described as being ‘average’ and it might not be your first choice. Average might feel like a vague insult, a reflection on yourself that you’d rather not have. When we use the term ‘average’ we don’t see much that is positive about it. What is ‘average’? By…
At a fundamental level, couple counselling provides an opportunity for a couple to explore their relationship with a therapist who facilitates the exploration. Couples have said to me that they really value the dedicated time, space and support to talk about feelings and difficulties that don’t feel safe to share with each other elsewhere. What…
Guilt can be a particularly tortuous feeling and, for some, a chronic state of mind. Below, I will think about different aspects of this complicated emotion. Origins of Guilt For Melanie Klein (1), guilt is part of a small child’s normal development, when they realise that they can hate and feel aggressive towards those they…
Most people enter into couples counselling when their relationship has got problems. These problems can take the form of a crisis, such as an affair, or be more chronic, such as a loss of intimacy between a couple over a long period of time. What does it mean to ‘fix’ a relationship? The word ‘fix’…
Recent Events: The Death of Queen Elizabeth and COVID The recent death of Queen Elizabeth has drawn people together in grief in a ways both individual and shared. Having been Queen and a globally public figure for 70 years, her death felt like the loss of what had been a constant and stable presence in…
It is not so long ago that couples would have needed to be on the point of permanent separation before they would consider any type of counselling for themselves. If they did decide to embark on such a course, it might well be done as a last-ditch attempt to save things, often within the context…
One of the most profound experiences we can have is to become a parent. If you had a good experience of growing up in a happy home where your needs were considered important, you felt secure, this is the best preparation for becoming a parent yourself. However, life is not quite as easy as that…
For most of us, the start of a relationship is an extremely exciting time. Not only is the relationship itself hugely enjoyable – fun and life-enhancing – but it can also seem to transform our world. Put simply, it makes the world seem a better place. It seems odd to think that something that develops…
One of the most common questions asked by individuals enquiring about couple’s counselling is whether the process will save their marriage? This is an understandable question and is driven by anxiety in relation to thoughts of a break-up. The answer to this question is not simple and the variables lie with the two individuals in…
Counselling and Psychotherapy can help with a range of issues that we may find difficult overcoming by talking to friends and family. There is a significant difference in talking to a skilled professional outside of your social and family circle, someone who is formally trained and experienced in what they do and understands how to…
Starting couple counselling can feel both daunting and anxiety provoking, especially if it something you have not previously undertaken. Knowing up-front what to expect can reduce some of the anxiety and enable you to focus on what you actually want to get from your sessions. Your counsellor or psychotherapist should be suitably qualified You are taking…
So you have taken the difficult step to go to couple counselling – what do you do now? Obviously there are a lot of variables when it comes to couples’ attending counselling together. Some couples are both on the same page and have a common goal, albeit they are struggling to reach that goal, whereas…
Mental Health has become a hot topic in the last few years. We often hear about it in the media, and because of more public awareness about mental health issues, more employers are adopting mental health policies and offering employees more support. Whilst mental health used to be seen as something related to mental illness,…
Couples Counselling or Couples Therapy can help the couple communicate better, look at past influences on present behaviour and help the individuals within the couple understand themselves and their partner better. Depending on approach to couples therapy, the therapist will either work with the here-and-now issues and provide the couple with tools to better communicate…