Ageing and death are two topics we find difficult to think and talk about. Do you remember when you first realised you were a grown up? Major events like the loss of a parent signal a change in the social pecking order, and how society or the world sees us. There are moments that symbolise…
When life feels like it’s getting on top of us, it can feel like there’s no space for our thoughts and feelings to be heard. This can make us feel isolated, and the problems we’re trying to deal with seem a lot worse. This points to the core of what therapy offers: physical and psychological…
In the field of social reform there is a wise principle called ‘Chesterton’s fence’ which, in simple terms, suggests that reforms should not be implemented until the existing state of affairs is understood. In other words, don’t tear down a fence until you understand why it was erected in the first place. In the world…
‘It’s all too much’ There are times in life when things get to a point where it is all too much. Usually, as a result of an accumulation of emotional, mental and physical demands without much respite. For instance, ongoing personal or professional conflict, a pervasive sense of stuckness, challenges with no imminent resolution, etc….
Ask any psychotherapist what the goal of therapy is and you will likely get a slightly different answer. However, I would suggest that assertiveness is a core aspect of the work – allow me to explain. Assertiveness is relational in context. We can and need courage to go forth in life but assertiveness is only…
Most psychotherapists have specific experience in one or multiple fields and one of mine happens to be death. From 2012 to 2016, I worked at a large UK hospice as part of the clinical team supporting both patients and relatives. The work was confronting, humbling and hugely varied and it taught me a few things…
Children who have been neglected and/or abused live to one degree or another with a lifelong legacy which can impact every aspect of their lives. Depending on the severity of abuse and neglect, the impact on the relationship with self and others will be significant and show up in many ways. I have written previously…
Perhaps a question that has occupied humans since the dawn of time, it may seem like an odd title for an article, however, the answer to this question in psychological terms is profound. What love is not Firstly, love is not really what most people believe it to be; the opposite of hate. Love can…
Loving and longing can be frequently found in song lyrics nestled up alongside each other as though they are somehow related, however, I would suggest that psychologically they are very different and perhaps opposites, especially in the context of relationships. To understand longing, we need to understand desire. We can only desire that which we…
So you’ve known for a while that something isn’t right? Maybe a destabilising anxiety is affecting your daily life or a dark mood is getting harder to shake off? Maybe arguments in your closest relationship keep cycling around an endless loop? Still, you’ve pressed on with the hope that this is just one of the…
As we step into the new year, many of us are eager to set resolutions and make positive changes in our lives. However, we often find ourselves struggling to stick to these goals. This year, lets explore how acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can guide us in setting meaningful resolutions and empower us to take…
(Projections, roles, and polarisations in the ‘couple’ dynamic) In this article, I will think about the ways in which project into each other when in a couple relationship, often creating roles diametrically opposed to each other. As I will suggest, these dynamics are generally unhelpful and restrictive and yet the relationship can become unconsciously invested…
I was recently asked to provide comment to Huffpost on why it seems that we judge women who don’t smile harshly. This got me thinking about this significant difference between men and women and considering whether it is social conditioning, biologically primed or a combination of both. Mammalian smiles are rare Human beings are rare…
We are surrounded by promises of quick fixes and simple solutions to complex problems. If only there was a way to make life instantly better or make the pain go away quickly. Hence the popularity of drugs and other substances, both prescribed and illegal. Addictive behaviour is about instant gratification, a temporary fix to an…
Everybody loves Christmas. That’s a fact. At least if you watch how it is portrayed by the media and subscribe to the collective mania of ‘preparing for the big day’………. Of course, the reality is that many of us find Christmas difficult and for some it can feel unbearable. We have the statistics for this…
There are quite a few reasons for people to begin therapy and continue in it for extended periods of time. Beyond some of the most commonly listed reasons such as treating anxiety and/or depression and helping with relationship issues, below are some of the reasons which take a longer-term view of some of the benefits…
Feeling dread is dreadful A constant or pervasive sense of dread is an almost unbearable experience. Rather than being a feeling, it tends to manifest as a bodily experience that comprises a cluster of symptoms such as a heavy feeling in the pit of one’s stomach, a sense of agitation, fast heart-rate and strong feelings…
What do Christmas and marriage have in common? Answer: they both come with high expectations of maximum harmony and happiness, imposing ideals that regularly confound our experience. This November a major retail chain unveiled its Christmas TV ad featuring celebrities destroying seasonal activities they appear to hate, like card-sending and party-games, to the refrain, ‘This…
Breaking up with someone is hard to do. Often we feel a degree of ambivalence about our own emotions and our instinct is to both find the easiest and fastest way of ‘just ending it’. Whilst this may seem seductive, the easiest and fastest way is often more likely to cause conflict and to leave…
Anger. We all experience it, most of us fear it in others – and also in ourselves because the process of being angry is uncomfortable and exhausting. But why do we get angry and how can psychotherapy help us deal with it more effectively? Sam Jahara has covered anger management in in other BHP blogs….