Children who have been neglected and/or abused live to one degree or another with a lifelong legacy which can impact every aspect of their lives. Depending on the severity of abuse and neglect, the impact on the relationship with self and others will be significant and show up in many ways. I have written previously…
Perhaps a question that has occupied humans since the dawn of time, it may seem like an odd title for an article, however, the answer to this question in psychological terms is profound. What love is not Firstly, love is not really what most people believe it to be; the opposite of hate. Love can…
Loving and longing can be frequently found in song lyrics nestled up alongside each other as though they are somehow related, however, I would suggest that psychologically they are very different and perhaps opposites, especially in the context of relationships. To understand longing, we need to understand desire. We can only desire that which we…
So you’ve known for a while that something isn’t right? Maybe a destabilising anxiety is affecting your daily life or a dark mood is getting harder to shake off? Maybe arguments in your closest relationship keep cycling around an endless loop? Still, you’ve pressed on with the hope that this is just one of the…
As we step into the new year, many of us are eager to set resolutions and make positive changes in our lives. However, we often find ourselves struggling to stick to these goals. This year, lets explore how acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can guide us in setting meaningful resolutions and empower us to take…
(Projections, roles, and polarisations in the ‘couple’ dynamic) In this article, I will think about the ways in which project into each other when in a couple relationship, often creating roles diametrically opposed to each other. As I will suggest, these dynamics are generally unhelpful and restrictive and yet the relationship can become unconsciously invested…
I was recently asked to provide comment to Huffpost on why it seems that we judge women who don’t smile harshly. This got me thinking about this significant difference between men and women and considering whether it is social conditioning, biologically primed or a combination of both. Mammalian smiles are rare Human beings are rare…
We are surrounded by promises of quick fixes and simple solutions to complex problems. If only there was a way to make life instantly better or make the pain go away quickly. Hence the popularity of drugs and other substances, both prescribed and illegal. Addictive behaviour is about instant gratification, a temporary fix to an…
Everybody loves Christmas. That’s a fact. At least if you watch how it is portrayed by the media and subscribe to the collective mania of ‘preparing for the big day’………. Of course, the reality is that many of us find Christmas difficult and for some it can feel unbearable. We have the statistics for this…
There are quite a few reasons for people to begin therapy and continue in it for extended periods of time. Beyond some of the most commonly listed reasons such as treating anxiety and/or depression and helping with relationship issues, below are some of the reasons which take a longer-term view of some of the benefits…
Feeling dread is dreadful A constant or pervasive sense of dread is an almost unbearable experience. Rather than being a feeling, it tends to manifest as a bodily experience that comprises a cluster of symptoms such as a heavy feeling in the pit of one’s stomach, a sense of agitation, fast heart-rate and strong feelings…
What do Christmas and marriage have in common? Answer: they both come with high expectations of maximum harmony and happiness, imposing ideals that regularly confound our experience. This November a major retail chain unveiled its Christmas TV ad featuring celebrities destroying seasonal activities they appear to hate, like card-sending and party-games, to the refrain, ‘This…
Breaking up with someone is hard to do. Often we feel a degree of ambivalence about our own emotions and our instinct is to both find the easiest and fastest way of ‘just ending it’. Whilst this may seem seductive, the easiest and fastest way is often more likely to cause conflict and to leave…
Anger. We all experience it, most of us fear it in others – and also in ourselves because the process of being angry is uncomfortable and exhausting. But why do we get angry and how can psychotherapy help us deal with it more effectively? Sam Jahara has covered anger management in in other BHP blogs….
Barely a day goes by without self care and specifically mental health being talked about in the media. And with this the long-standing taboo around men’s mental health is finally dissipating and more and more men are both willing to talk about their struggles and to admit the benefits they have got from accessing psychotherapy….
Planning Retirement planning, looking ahead to a time of not working and speculating on what the next part of life might be, is part of our working world. This preparation for retiring acknowledges an approaching ending and begins the transition to a life after work. The preparation for one’s financial future often takes a central…
What is Low Self Esteem? This is when we think negatively about ourselves, we don’t feel good enough. We are likely to get into self-critical thinking, think others are better than us and blame ourselves when things go wrong. We are likely to focus on our negatives and not on our achievements, struggle to accept…
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is particularly interested in our thoughts and our behaviours. It looks at the interaction between our thoughts, feelings (moods), physical sensations, and behaviours. When we experience a triggering situation, we often notice an internal shift in how we are feeling physically and/or emotionally and we may become consumed with our thoughts. Thoughts…
Stop the Boats! You may be familiar with this recent government slogan referring to the persistent behaviour of vulnerable people, risking their very lives in setting out to sea in search of a better future. For me, regardless of how any of us might respond to this slogan in terms of our values or politics,…
In my last two blogs on the topic of narcissism, I have covered off what narcissism is (and is not), and provided my perspective on whether we are, collectively, becoming more narcissistic. In this final blog (for now) on this topic, I shall offer my perspective on the commonly asked question of whether psychotherapy can…