It is desire which creates the desirable, and the project that sets up the end. It is human existence which makes values spring up in the world, on the basis of which it will be able to judge the enterprise in which it will be engaged. Simone de Beauvoir, 1994, The Ethics of Ambiguity, p….
More people now identify as being compulsive users of pornography that at any other time, due in large part to the ease of access to pornography through online platforms. Such a compulsive use, or ‘addiction’ as it is often termed can have a damaging impact on the individual and those around them. The negative effects…
In my last blog ‘What is the unconscious?’, I attempted a very brief explanation of what we might mean and understand when we refer to the unconscious and how exploring this unknown territory is an integral aspect of the therapeutic alliance. This alliance can be described as an intersubjective (between two people) process, in which…
Has anyone ever told you to act your age? You might have a memory of an irritable parent, partner or friend telling you so. I certainly remember being scolded this way on occasion. It’s a setting where one person urges another to be more ‘grown up’ than they appear. It’s always seemed an interesting expression…
We use the words unconscious and subconscious quite frequently, but what do they really describe? The unconscious and its processes are an integral aspect of exploration and discovery in psychoanalytic therapy, but what do we mean and understand when we refer to this unseen and unknowable territory? There may be as many answers to this,…
Can talking to an empty chair help ease our mental distress and help make us more positive and confident? It may seem a strange idea, but evidence has been accumulating for more than ninety years that it can. The techniques involved, initially called ‘psychodrama’, originated in 1930s New York. They were refined in the 1950s…
There are many overlaps and similarities between what happens in one-to-one and group therapy. There are also many differences. Below I am going to talk about a group process called ‘free-floating discussion’ (Foulkes 1964, pp 40, 126). In any group session, individual members are likely to bring in something for attention from the group. For…
Ageing and death are two topics we find difficult to think and talk about. Do you remember when you first realised you were a grown up? Major events like the loss of a parent signal a change in the social pecking order, and how society or the world sees us. There are moments that symbolise…
When life feels like it’s getting on top of us, it can feel like there’s no space for our thoughts and feelings to be heard. This can make us feel isolated, and the problems we’re trying to deal with seem a lot worse. This points to the core of what therapy offers: physical and psychological…
In the field of social reform there is a wise principle called ‘Chesterton’s fence’ which, in simple terms, suggests that reforms should not be implemented until the existing state of affairs is understood. In other words, don’t tear down a fence until you understand why it was erected in the first place. In the world…
‘It’s all too much’ There are times in life when things get to a point where it is all too much. Usually, as a result of an accumulation of emotional, mental and physical demands without much respite. For instance, ongoing personal or professional conflict, a pervasive sense of stuckness, challenges with no imminent resolution, etc….
Ask any psychotherapist what the goal of therapy is and you will likely get a slightly different answer. However, I would suggest that assertiveness is a core aspect of the work – allow me to explain. Assertiveness is relational in context. We can and need courage to go forth in life but assertiveness is only…
Most psychotherapists have specific experience in one or multiple fields and one of mine happens to be death. From 2012 to 2016, I worked at a large UK hospice as part of the clinical team supporting both patients and relatives. The work was confronting, humbling and hugely varied and it taught me a few things…
Children who have been neglected and/or abused live to one degree or another with a lifelong legacy which can impact every aspect of their lives. Depending on the severity of abuse and neglect, the impact on the relationship with self and others will be significant and show up in many ways. I have written previously…
Perhaps a question that has occupied humans since the dawn of time, it may seem like an odd title for an article, however, the answer to this question in psychological terms is profound. What love is not Firstly, love is not really what most people believe it to be; the opposite of hate. Love can…
Loving and longing can be frequently found in song lyrics nestled up alongside each other as though they are somehow related, however, I would suggest that psychologically they are very different and perhaps opposites, especially in the context of relationships. To understand longing, we need to understand desire. We can only desire that which we…
So you’ve known for a while that something isn’t right? Maybe a destabilising anxiety is affecting your daily life or a dark mood is getting harder to shake off? Maybe arguments in your closest relationship keep cycling around an endless loop? Still, you’ve pressed on with the hope that this is just one of the…
As we step into the new year, many of us are eager to set resolutions and make positive changes in our lives. However, we often find ourselves struggling to stick to these goals. This year, lets explore how acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can guide us in setting meaningful resolutions and empower us to take…
(Projections, roles, and polarisations in the ‘couple’ dynamic) In this article, I will think about the ways in which project into each other when in a couple relationship, often creating roles diametrically opposed to each other. As I will suggest, these dynamics are generally unhelpful and restrictive and yet the relationship can become unconsciously invested…
I was recently asked to provide comment to Huffpost on why it seems that we judge women who don’t smile harshly. This got me thinking about this significant difference between men and women and considering whether it is social conditioning, biologically primed or a combination of both. Mammalian smiles are rare Human beings are rare…