Narcissism is one of those clinical terms that has escaped the consulting room and taken on a life of its own.Like many borrowed psychological ideas, it has been flattened. In popular culture, narcissism is routinely used as a moral verdict, a convenient label for a certain kind of person who is … [Read more...]
Is starting psychotherapy a good New Year’s resolution?
Most of us make some sort of New Year’s resolution, whether overtly or covertly. The new year can feel like an opportunity to put the past behind us and to start afresh.Whether or not we actively name and own our New Year’s resolutions, most of us can also attest to the best held intentions for … [Read more...]
The psychology of shyness: what it reveals about the self
Do you experience anxiety in social situations that can be overwhelming or even debilitating? Is it affecting your social life, work, relationships – your everyday happiness? If so, this article is for you. Asking what the function of your shyness is might seem a strange question - you didn’t … [Read more...]
How to minimise Christmas stress if you’re hosting
Christmas can be an emotionally challenging and difficult time for many of us. There is such expectation on how Christmas ‘should’ be, yet like the weather, it often fails to deliver on the ‘winter wonderland’ scenes on the TV adverts. For so many of us our family experience often falls far short of … [Read more...]
Is there something wrong with me for hating Christmas?
Everybody loves Christmas. That’s a fact. At least if you watch how it is portrayed by the media and subscribe to the collective mania of ‘preparing for the big day’….......Of course, the reality is that many of us find Christmas difficult and for some it can feel unbearable. We have the … [Read more...]
Mental health in social media: the risks of seeking validation online
There is a lot of discussion about the risks posed by AI ‘therapy’, but there is something else that has been happening online for years, in the context of social media: the increasing volume of real people offering mental health expertise in a way that can easily populate algorithms, occupy thought … [Read more...]
Ruptures in the psychotherapeutic relationship
The relationshipPsychotherapy is fundamentally an exploration of how we relate to ourselves and to others, and the client, therapist relationship is no different. The relationship that develops between client and therapist exists within contractual boundaries, but it is also about people being … [Read more...]
Safety versus uncertainty: a relational tension
At the heart of every relationship lies a tension between safety and uncertainty. Safety allows us to let go of our worries and feel secure in ourselves and our relationships. But too much safety can make life feel flat and stuck. While uncertainty can keep us and our relationships feeling alive and … [Read more...]
Should I talk about my therapy? Understanding privacy and reflection in counselling
Having previously explored the compulsive use of pornography, I wanted to continue reflecting on what it’s like to work with clients who consider their use to be excessive.Should I talk about my therapy?A common question that arises is, ‘should I talk about my therapy’? Clients sometimes ask … [Read more...]
In therapy the past repeats until it can be let go of
A foundational principle of depth therapy is that until mourned, the past is never truly past. It lives on in the present in our relationships shaping how we see others, how we see ourselves and in how others see us. In the consulting room, this process plays out much the same way as it does in our … [Read more...]
Holding difference: identity and the space between self and other
The formation of identity is never a solitary endeavour. From our earliest moments, we develop a sense of who we are through relationship—first with primary caregivers, then with siblings, peers, and the broader cultural world. Yet this process of coming to selfhood while remaining in relationship … [Read more...]
The two faces of shame: how this powerful feeling shapes our lives
In the therapy room, shame – which we often hide, almost at any cost – frequently hinders progress. Clients sometimes conceal aspects of their behaviour they fear are shameful, such as viewing pornography, taking class A drugs, or losing their temper.This is because it is perhaps one of the most … [Read more...]
Non Violent Resistance (NVR): a compassionate approach to family change
What is NVR?Non Violent Resistance (NVR) is a powerful, relational approach that supports parents facing violence, aggression, controlling behaviour, or destructive family dynamics. It is equally valuable for families who feel overwhelmed, depleted, or stuck in unhelpful patterns, even when … [Read more...]
Reflections on training as a psychoanalytic psychotherapist: discovering the third space
Becoming a psychoanalytic psychotherapist is a deeply transformative process. It changes the way we understand others and gradually reshapes our relationship with ourselves. The training asks us to move through dense theoretical material while cultivating a steady emotional presence, and this … [Read more...]
Understanding fawning: a compassionate look at survival and healing
Our early experiences can shape how we relate to ourselves and others in the present. Often, the survival strategies we developed in childhood can remain with us well into our adult life. One lesser-known but very important survival response is called ‘fawning’, and is often discussed in the context … [Read more...]
