The relationshipPsychotherapy is fundamentally an exploration of how we relate to ourselves and to others, and the client, therapist relationship is no different. The relationship that develops between client and therapist exists within contractual boundaries, but it is also about people being … [Read more...]
Safety versus uncertainty: a relational tension
At the heart of every relationship lies a tension between safety and uncertainty. Safety allows us to let go of our worries and feel secure in ourselves and our relationships. But too much safety can make life feel flat and stuck. While uncertainty can keep us and our relationships feeling alive and … [Read more...]
Should I talk about my therapy? Understanding privacy and reflection in counselling
Having previously explored the compulsive use of pornography, I wanted to continue reflecting on what it’s like to work with clients who consider their use to be excessive.Should I talk about my therapy?A common question that arises is, ‘should I talk about my therapy’? Clients sometimes ask … [Read more...]
In therapy the past repeats until it can be let go of
A foundational principle of depth therapy is that until mourned, the past is never truly past. It lives on in the present in our relationships shaping how we see others, how we see ourselves and in how others see us. In the consulting room, this process plays out much the same way as it does in our … [Read more...]
Holding difference: identity and the space between self and other
The formation of identity is never a solitary endeavour. From our earliest moments, we develop a sense of who we are through relationship—first with primary caregivers, then with siblings, peers, and the broader cultural world. Yet this process of coming to selfhood while remaining in relationship … [Read more...]
The two faces of shame: how this powerful feeling shapes our lives
In the therapy room, shame – which we often hide, almost at any cost – frequently hinders progress. Clients sometimes conceal aspects of their behaviour they fear are shameful, such as viewing pornography, taking class A drugs, or losing their temper.This is because it is perhaps one of the most … [Read more...]
Non Violent Resistance (NVR): a compassionate approach to family change
What is NVR?Non Violent Resistance (NVR) is a powerful, relational approach that supports parents facing violence, aggression, controlling behaviour, or destructive family dynamics. It is equally valuable for families who feel overwhelmed, depleted, or stuck in unhelpful patterns, even when … [Read more...]
Reflections on training as a psychoanalytic psychotherapist: discovering the third space
Becoming a psychoanalytic psychotherapist is a deeply transformative process. It changes the way we understand others and gradually reshapes our relationship with ourselves. The training asks us to move through dense theoretical material while cultivating a steady emotional presence, and this … [Read more...]
Understanding fawning: a compassionate look at survival and healing
Our early experiences can shape how we relate to ourselves and others in the present. Often, the survival strategies we developed in childhood can remain with us well into our adult life. One lesser-known but very important survival response is called ‘fawning’, and is often discussed in the context … [Read more...]
Working with clients in a post-disaster context
When disaster changes the course of life, the effects are rarely contained to the moment of crisis. The visible damage is often matched by hidden struggles that surface in the days, months, or years afterwards. In my own work, I have sat alongside people who have faced devastating events, and I have … [Read more...]
AI psychosis: why depth therapy cannot be automated
Artificial Intelligence is increasingly being promoted as a tool for psychological support, whether through chatbots, self-help apps, or experimental “AI therapists.” The proposition is seductive: instant access, apparent empathy, and cost-effective delivery. Yet beneath the promise lies a profound … [Read more...]
Understanding children’s anxiety around school
For some children, school is a place of growth, friendship, and discovery. For others, however, walking through the gates each morning can feel like an uphill climb. The school day may seem long, and the combination of lessons, friendships, and expectations can stir emotions that children find … [Read more...]
All depth psychotherapy is trauma therapy – and the rest is marketing
Spend ten minutes on social media and you’d think trauma therapy is a rare, specialist service that only a select few therapists can offer. The implication is clear: most therapy isn’t “trauma-informed,” so you need to shop for the right label.This is marketing, not clinical reality. If you are … [Read more...]
The issue with online therapy platforms
Two key issues with large online therapy platformsOne of the first things I tend to ask new patients in a consultation is about their previous experience of therapy. Increasingly, I’m hearing that somewhere along this journey they have tried an online therapy platform - such as BetterHelp or … [Read more...]
How to meet negative thoughts with compassion
We all experience negative thoughts and sometimes these thoughts can be painful, undermining and leave us feeling worthless. Some people simply try to tolerate them, and others might feel they are deserved - or even criticise themselves for having them in the first place. But is there another way to … [Read more...]
