Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy

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Online therapy In the press

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Why is psychotherapy generally weekly?

All forms of psychotherapy, from the classically analytical, through to humanistic, evolved from psychoanalysis and thus Freud. The cadence of psychoanalysis has changed very little over the years, with sessions taking place between three and five times per week, generally at the same time each day.

Psychotherapy evolved directly from analysis but is also quite different. For example, those who are suited to psychotherapy may not need analysis, and in cases of more troubled or disturbed patients, weekly psychotherapy may not be sufficient and psychoanalysis is recommended. However, despite the frequency difference, the consistency remains the same.

Those who are trained in-depth and adhere to the principles of the psychotherapeutic framework, which is to say all the non-verbal factors that enable the process of psychotherapy to take place, will also subscribe to seeing their clients or patients on the same day, at the same time each week. But does it have to be this way?

There are psychotherapists who see their patients less frequently than weekly and that includes those who work at depth, and/or analytically. The most obvious example is those who work with couples where the frequency of sessions is less critical, or tapers off towards the end of the work.

There are, of course, therapists who see individual clients on a less than weekly basis, however, with one or two possible exceptions, this is not something I or most colleagues would advocate.

There is significant emotional and psychological benefit to sessions being consistent, and something the patient comes to rely on in terms of where it sits in the week. In the same way the clinician makes space in their diary, and time in their mind, available for that patient, the session being on the same day and time each week allows the patient to do two things – start to hold themselves in mind, and start to bridge the gap between sessions.

Psychological change is slow and it is hard. This is not the same as behavioural change which may be tough but is something that can in simple cases be achieved through working on a superficial level. However, behavioural change, whilst important, says little about the underlying reasons why a person ‘does what they do’ – the unconscious process. And it is in the unconscious that the trauma lies.

Bridging the gap between therapy sessions can be hard for patients – to be able to hold on to not only the content of what was discussed, but more importantly the relationship between their therapist and themselves. Bridging the gap means being able to hold on to the experience of ‘being held in mind’ and therefore not falling back into feeling hopeless and alone in the world. For some patients this is a particular challenge and a more frequent schedule of psychotherapy is agreed, such as twice-weekly sessions.

For the patient, the regularity of the session being on the same day and time each week is something that becomes a part of their weekly routine – something that they can rely on and expect. That is not to say that patients look forward to sessions each week, but simply that come rain or shine, they are something that happens and is consistent.

An analogy I like when thinking about the cadence of psychotherapy sessions is that the weekly session is like keeping the kettle gently on the boil – any less and the kettle goes cold.

Each clinician works differently and tailors their approach to each patient, which is also why the concept of an ‘approach’ is something of red herring. A clinician is either trained to work at depth and with the unconscious, or not. With me, psychotherapy is at a minimum weekly and on the same day and time each week. And it is open-ended, meaning that it goes on for as long as it is clinically appropriate for it to go on for, which is generally many months and often years.

 

Mark Vahrmeyer, UKCP Registered, BHP Co-founder is an integrative psychotherapist with a wide range of clinical experience from both the public and private sectors. He currently sees both individuals and couples, primarily for ongoing psychotherapy.  Mark is available at the Lewes and Brighton & Hove Practices.

 

Further reading by Mark Vahrmeyer –

Why we should be disappointed

What is a growth mindset?

Don’t tear down psychological fences until you understand their purpose

How do I become more assertive?

I worked as a psychotherapist with death. Here’s what I learnt

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What are the Benefits of Counselling and Psychotherapy?

Counselling and Psychotherapy can help with a range of issues that we may find difficult overcoming by talking to friends and family. There is a significant difference in talking to a skilled professional outside of your social and family circle, someone who is formally trained and experienced in what they do and understands how to work with psychological issues. I won’t go into the differences between counselling and psychotherapy, as this has been addressed in a separate blog. Rather I will focus on what makes talking therapies so beneficial.

Providing a safe environment

Anyone going through a crisis or wanting to discuss sensitive issues needs to feel heard, validated and understood. The therapy space is one which is designed to create containment, consistency, and safety. Weekly sessions usually at the same day and time, a calm and relaxing setting without distractions, an hour dedicated to you, and a professional who creates an environment conducive of trust and safety are all important aspects of the “talking cure”. These elements comprise what we call the “therapeutic frame”, which underpins and supports the work we do as therapists.

Someone who listens but not just listens

In my opinion, listening skills are highly underestimated. Listening isn’t just about listening, but also about making sure that the other feels heard and understood. Although this is considered a basic and essential skill in any talking therapy, listening takes presence of mind, body, and spirit. It is not as easy as it seems. The last thing anyone wants is a distracted therapist or one who seems they don’t listen or understand what you are telling them. For some it can bring up painful past and present experiences of lack of care, it can also convey a lack of interest and touch on previous abandoning and rejecting experiences. So, to get the basics right is very important!

Getting stuck in

Once you have a place to come where you feel comfortable, at a set time each week, with a person you feel you can trust and speak to without being judged, then the work can begin.

“The work” can be compared to an exploration, excavation, unpicking and un-knotting of the different strands of the issue or issues that you came to talk about and get help with.

This can be sophisticated work of great skill, but also messy and clunky at times. There is much uncertainty about what will be revealed and the paths that you will walk together.

The therapist’s job is to help you keep on track, but also allow for new pathways to be discovered. This is what makes the work interesting, fascinating, and rewarding for both parties. This relationship can be one of collaboration, creation, and deconstruction. None of this is necessarily smooth or easy but knowing ourselves is always ultimately rewarding.

The benefits

All the above is designed to support trust building, lessening isolation, creating space and safety amongst turbulent and uncertain situations, helping individuals regain control over their lives, feel and process difficult feelings, make sense of confusing situations and build or rebuild better relationships with self and others. Other benefits include: increased self-awareness, self-development, psychological and emotional strength and resilience, finding more meaning and purpose in life, making positive changes, and better communication amongst many other things.

On our website you can find more information about our counselling and psychotherapy services and how to contact our team.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist and Clinical Superviser and Executive Coach. She works with individuals and couples in Hove and  Lewes.

 

Further reading by Sam Jahara

What makes us choose our career paths?

Antidotes to coercive, controlling and narcissistic behaviour

An in-depth approach to leadership coaching

Demystifying mental health

Women and Anger

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How to get a Mental Health Diagnosis

The term ‘mental health’ is pretty broad and encompasses emotional and psychological health.

When people talk about mental health they are often referring to symptoms such as depression or anxiety but rarely do they mean psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia, for example. Therefore, the answer to how to go about getting a mental health diagnosis is – it depends.

It is possible to go to a GP in the UK and present with symptoms that fit the criteria for anxiety or depression and to receive a ‘diagnosis’ from this doctor. In turn they may ‘prescribe’ counselling or offer you medication such as anti-depressants.

However, receiving a mental health diagnosis is not the same as receiving a diagnosis for a physical disorder. Let me explain.

Nobody has seen a mind.

If you are unfortunate to break a bone due to a fall, it is safe to assume that unless you are encountering an incompetent doctor, you will receive the same diagnosis irrespective of which hospital you attend wherever in the world; a broken bone is exactly that.

When it comes to mental health, the criteria is different as we are really talking about the ‘health’ of the human mind (or in many cases the emotional system), and the problem is that nobody has ever seen a mind.

Most mental health diagnoses are therefore based on the presentation of ‘clusters’ or groups of symptoms that a patient experiences over time. A GP will consider your experiences and the duration over which you have experienced them and on that basis will offer you a ‘diagnosis’.

Whilst this may be helpful in order to access medication of brief counselling, it is unlikely to resolve matters. And bear in mind that most GP’s have had very little mental health training – generally only weeks, compared to the years of training around physical health.

A psychiatric diagnosis

If you have severe symptoms that quite possibly may include delusions, you may be referred to a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who has specialised in ‘diagnosing’ psychiatric disorders and on the basis of a diagnosis you will likely receive medication and/ or psychotherapy.

Counselling and Psychotherapy

The parallel but distinct professions of counselling and psychotherapy are both related to mental health and approach treatment of mental health conditions through what is known as ‘the talking cure’. In reality the cure comes about far more through listening, rather than talking on the part of the clinician.

Whilst there is disagreement about the fundamental differences between counselling and psychotherapy – which I have previously written about here – a reasonable differentiation is that counselling is used to as a shorter term treatment working on a more superficial level.

Psychotherapy, as defined by the UKCP _United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy) involves a similar process to counselling but working with a clinician trained for a longer period of time who is crucially able to formulate, unlike counsellors.

Formulation is the word psychotherapists use to ‘diagnose’ but as we do not tend to work within the ‘medical model’ and recognise that mental health issues encompass both psychological as well as emotional issues, we use a different language and different models to the medical model in order to make sense of a person’s inner world.

Is psychotherapy about getting rid of symptoms?

Whilst most people presenting for psychotherapy simply wish to ‘feel better’, a large part of the process of therapy is to become curious about one’s symptoms in the context of the therapeutic relationship. Psychological or emotional symptoms, much like bodily symptoms, are often there to inform us of something important that needs attending to.

Psychotherapy is fundamentally about working to create a deeper relationship with oneself, through the relationship with the psychotherapist. And through this deeper relationship we can come to understand our symptoms better as signals that are telling us something about our life: often either about something in the past that has not been processed or worked through, or something about what we yearn for in the future.

 

Mark Vahrmeyer, UKCP Registered, BHP Co-founder is an integrative psychotherapist with a wide range of clinical experience from both the public and private sectors. He currently sees both individuals and couples, primarily for ongoing psychotherapy.  Mark is available at the Lewes and Brighton & Hove Practices.

 

Further reading by Mark Vahrmeyer – 

How do I find the right psychotherapist?

Why do people get the birthday blues?

Is happiness the opposite of depression?

Are people with mental health problems violent?

Mental health problems in Brighton

Bereavement counselling for businesses

Bereavement can have a huge impact on the emotional and psychological wellbeing of a person. The death of a loved one – whether a parent, a partner or, unthinkably, a child – is an experience no one can be fully prepared to deal with. However, alongside this, it is something we will all experience at some point in our lives – grief through bereavement, which is the universal leveller. The feelings associated with grief are similar to the feelings of depression, and it can make continuing with normal tasks, such as going to work, a huge struggle.

Whether you’re a small or large organisation, making sure your staff are supported when going through bereavement plays an important role in the wellbeing of your team, and in ensuring the continuity of your business.

What is bereavement?

Bereavement is the experience of losing someone close to us through their death. It is an encounter that all of us are likely to go through at some point in our lives, often multiple times.

To grieve is the process that we actively undertake to work through the complex range of emotions that bereavement can bring up for us. Bereavement is not a mental health issue, however, if not attended to and ‘worked through’, our grief through bereavement can become ‘stuck’ or problematic, and manifest in a range of mental health issues including depression and anxiety.

If a staff member has experienced a close bereavement and is struggling to work through their grief, psychological support such as corporate bereavement counselling is available with Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy.

How can bereavement in the workplace have an impact?

Losing someone close to us can trigger a period of intense and prolonged grief defined by a range of emotions as we slowly and gradually adjust to the loss. Losing a loved one can be emotionally shocking, whether that be a partner, a family member, a friend, a pet, or a work colleague.

Some of the different symptoms that can be seen or experienced during bereavement include:

  • Shock and numbness, often described as being ‘in a daze’
  • Overwhelming sadness
  • Depression
  • Exhaustion or tiredness
  • Anger towards the person lost often expressed as anger in general
  • Guilt

How we experience grief and for how long will vary from person to person. There is no ‘right feeling’ nor ‘correct period’ of grieving. Whilst some people may find that they have adequate support in their lives to work through their grief and welcome the structure of ‘normal’ life, for others more support is required. It is not uncommon for those who are struggling to cope with their grief to feel the need to hide it, as they may believe that their experience is ‘wrong’ or ‘over the top’.

How we can help

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy provides a well-planned and tailored approach to bereavement counselling for businesses. Our bereavement counselling offers help, not only to bereaved employees to cope with their loss, but will support management through their staff’s bereavement too.

For deaths that impact multiple staff members, such as a death in the workplace, we offer bespoke treatments for teams and departments such as individual or group sessions.

Bereavement counselling for businesses can help your staff deal with loss and support them in returning to work, making the transition back into normal working life easier. We can offer bespoke help to any organisation to help single staff members during personal loss or roll out general support for workplace deaths including the death of a colleague.

Corporate counselling for the death of a colleague

The death of an employee can have an impact on the whole workforce. It can be especially difficult in instances where the death is sudden or unexpected, or if there are friends and family of the employee at the same workplace.

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy offers expert corporate counselling services for those who have lost a work friend. Our highly experienced and qualified practitioners can deliver first-class support for staff at all levels of your organisation.

Our psychotherapists and counsellors are trained to deal with many types of losses and have helped many staff members and businesses cope with death. Our practices are located in Lewes and Hove with clients spanning across Sussex and London. To discuss how we can help your business function following the death of a staff member or staff member’s loved ones, get in touch now to book a consultation.

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Does the sex of my counsellor or psychotherapist matter?

A question I have often either been asked or has come up up is whether the gender of the clinician matters (or should matter) to the client?

The answer, as with most questions relating to the intricacies of psychotherapy is not categorically ‘yes’ or ‘no’.  However, the question opens up other questions which may themselves be more interesting such as, what are your beliefs about psychotherapy and why should the sex matter?

To start with, there are clearly cases and instances where it is entirely appropriate for a patient or client to want or need to work with a therapist of a particular gender.  Aside from the fact that this may simply be the wish of the client (and therefore to be respected) valid reasons may include a history of sexual abuse by one gender leading to the client feeling safe with the other gender (often their own).

However, if we drop beneath the obvious, the question takes on more of a philosophical slant and how it is answered gives much insight into what a clinician believes about psychotherapy – let me explain.

There are many ‘schools’ of psychotherapy and many methods, however most of these have more in common than they don’t and secondly, most clinicians are to a greater or lesser extent ‘integrative’ in that they use different models in their clinical work.  The greatest distinction, or divide, perhaps lies in whether or not a method, and thus a practitioner, believe in unconscious process or not (and spoiler alert – I do profoundly).

As a psychoanalytically informed psychotherapist, I work with the unconscious which means to say that I take very little on face value and work with my clients to understand why they think, behave and act in the way they do; in other words, how is their past experience influencing their perception of the present without their knowledge.  Through therapy the past can be uncovered, worked through, grieved and its hold on the present reduced.  This frees clients up to make informed and thought through choices based on their reality as it really is now rather than where they were previously stuck.

Those who don’t believe in the unconscious (namely behaviourists or person-centred therapists to name a couple) take things on face value.  They do not believe in unconscious process and work very much in the ‘here and now’.

How does the unconscious link to the sex of the therapist?

Those of us who work with the unconscious will, to a greater or lesser extent, work with transference – that is, work with whom we represent to the client in the room.  And whom we represent will invariably be one of the client’s caregivers, usually a parent.

Transference is very similar to projection, which is something we all do at times – we ascribe values to a person based on prior assumptions rather than on the reality of who they are.  The difference with transference is that the clinician, if trained well enough, will receive the client’s projections and be thinking about who they are (represent) for the client.

Freud believed (and rightly so) that transference occurs irrespective of gender/sex.  We will therefore ‘transfer’ our unfinished business relating to either or both parents onto the therapist.  This too is my experience as I work in the transference and so recognise that how the client relates to me tells me something important about how they learnt to relate as a child and I can represent their mother just as easily as their father in the transference.

Therefore, whilst in some cases the sex of the therapist may matter, in most, it does not.  And I believe that has also been my clients’ experience over the years whereby they may have had a preference in working with a female, have ‘ended up with me’ and we have done excellent work.

 

To enquire about psychotherapy sessions with Mark Vahrmeyer, please contact him here, or to view our full clinical team, please click here.

 

Mark Vahrmeyer, UKCP Registered, BHP Co-founder is an integrative psychotherapist with a wide range of clinical experience from both the public and private sectors. He currently sees both individuals and couples, primarily for ongoing psychotherapy.  Mark is available at the Lewes and Brighton & Hove Practices.

 

Further reading by Mark Vahrmeyer

How much time should I devote to self care?

Why is Netflix’s Squid Game so popular?

Parental Alienation and the impact on children

Space: The Final Frontier of Manic Defence

Do Psychotherapists Need to Love Their Clients?

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Do Psychotherapists Need to Love Their Clients?

Freud is an extraordinary and greatly misunderstood individual (and mental health practitioner).  Many believe we have ‘evolved’ beyond his ‘outdated’ theories and indeed, there are views and  theories of his that are no longer literally relevant. However, to dismiss him on this basis is myopic and superficial in that Freud’s writing has taken us to where we are today in the world of  psychotherapy; and so many of his theories are increasingly becoming ‘evidenced’ through technology and our understanding of brain plasticity and the need for relationship to grow a mind.  So, with this in mind, I shall now start my piece with a Freud quote: 

‘Psychoanalysis is in essence a cure through love’ Freud, S. (1906) correspondence with  Jung. 

What is love? 

The first question that must be considered in Freud’s statement is the question of what love is? 

Clearly Freud is not talking about Eros, or erotic love; he is referring to Agape, love towards fellow human beings. However, I believe Freud is saying something significantly more profound and more important: By using the terminology ‘love’ Freud is drawing a comparison to the role of the analyst (or psychotherapist) in the transference – the role of the parent who has let the child in the client down. 

Parents should love their children and most do. However, loving a child is complex as it means to allow and encourage that child to have their own experience – emotional and psychological – separate to the parent. It is about being able to encourage and tolerate difference and then celebrate it in own’s child. 

Children who have been let down – neglected, abused or abandoned – have learnt that their survival depends on ‘keeping their parent happy’ – they sacrifice their own separateness and own experience in order to hold on to a parent. This is not a child who is ‘loved’. But a child who is owned. 

Love therefore in Freud’s sense of the word is about true empathy – to be able to understand and accept another’s experience without becoming threatened by it, without collapsing and without colluding with it. And without sacrificing our own experience. 

Does loving a client mean accepting their behaviour? 

Behaviour, when driven unconsciously by effect (emotion) is termed ‘acting out’ and ‘acting out’ is mindless. Furthermore it is an attack on the therapy and an attack on the therapist. 

Much like a good parent will have empathy for a child’s fear of the dentist, or a child’s desire for sweets placed next to the till, this does not mean that the child gets what they want – the avoidance of the dental appointment or the indulgence of sweets. A ‘good enough’ parent is able to empathise with the child’s feelings but withstand their demands. In short, a parent’s job is to hold their child in mind and advocate for their best interests rather than the child’s self interests (or their  own self interests). 

Is Psychoanalysis in essence the same as a Person-Centred Approach? 

Now we have established what Freud probably means by love, we can consider whether the analytical approach is in essence the same as a person-centred approach – one of unconditional positive regard. Is this not love? 

To a point it is, however, in my view (and that of analytically minded clinicians) the person-centred approach leaves the whole idea of ‘the unconscious’ just there – in the unconscious: in other words it does not exist. What you see is what you get.

Without working with the unconscious and in the transference, a clinician cannot really ‘love’ their client as they are oblivious to the drives and projections that are paying out in the room – the meaning behind the strength of emotion from the client. And they remain oblivious to whom they represent for the client and thus where the loss or trauma resides relationally. 

An analytical clinician will work to understand whom the client is projecting onto them – the transference – and will work within the context of that to provide the client with a different experience of relationship 

Evicting the bad parent 

We all ‘internalise’ our parents – working models of how we experienced them. If this process of internalisation goes ‘well enough’ then we can draw on a solid sense of sense that is supportive of us taking up space in the world and in other relationships: we can bear our inner world However, if it goes awry somehow, then that working model can be punitive, critical and unsupportive and we avoid contact with our inner world at all costs. The process of analytical therapy is to ‘evict’ the bad  parent and offer the client an alternative object (person) to introject through the consistent therapeutic relationship. 

How to ‘love’ our clients 

Loving our clients is a hard thing to do not because they are unlikable or unlovable, but because it  means consistently offering the client a different experience of relationship that they will be unconsciously trying to sabotage in subtle ways. Freud also spoke of our fear of change and suggested that in order to mitigate against change, going forward we always seek to replicate the past. Abused and neglected children feel unconsciously ‘safe’ in abusive and neglectful relationships as then the ‘world makes sense’ and they can simply use their old defensive  mechanisms to carry on surviving. They also don’t need to feel vulnerable. 

Loving a client means holding appropriate boundaries, offering them support and understanding whilst resisting either being seduced or offended by attacks. And as with real life evictions, the internal parents will protest and fight back to stay put. 

Ultimately loving our clients means to hold them in mind in ways they never were – their best interest rather than self interests. 

 

To enquire about psychotherapy sessions with Mark Vahrmeyer, please contact him here, or to view our full clinical team, please click here.

 

Mark Vahrmeyer, UKCP Registered, BHP Co-founder is an integrative psychotherapist with a wide range of clinical experience from both the public and private sectors. He currently sees both individuals and couples, primarily for ongoing psychotherapy.  Mark is available at the Lewes and Brighton & Hove Practices.

 

Further reading by Mark Vahrmeyer –

What is the purpose of intimate relationships?

Why ‘Cancel Culture’ is about the inability to tolerate difference

The Phenomenon of ‘Manifesting – The Law of Attraction’ and the inability to tolerate reality

Why does the difference between counselling and psychotherapy matter?

Love in the time of Covid

Online relationship counselling

There are many reasons why people seek out online relationship counselling and psychotherapy, from ongoing conflicts and communication challenges to infidelity, bereavement and grief, or family-related issues that are causing a rift. By working with a trained counsellor remotely from your own home, you’ll benefit from a confidential and safe space to discuss any issues, past or present, to help you improve your relationship.

What is online relationship counselling and psychotherapy?

While it may seem at the moment that your relationship is at breaking point, a trained psychotherapist can help you talk through your problems to help you find a solution and to see each other’s point of view. Many couples imagine that relationship counselling means sitting in a therapy room with a clinician, however, there is also the option to talk with a trained professional in the comfort of your own home with online sessions.

Our psychotherapists are trained to provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment to help you face any difficulty in your relationship. Though practically identical to face-to-face therapy, online therapy offers the option of receiving counselling or psychotherapy remotely through a secure platform for greater accessibility, convenience and approachability.

The Difference Between Online Relationship Counselling and In-Person Relationship Counselling

Our psychotherapists are trained to provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment to help you face any difficulty in your relationship. Though practically identical to face-to-face therapy, online therapy offers the option of receiving counselling or psychotherapy remotely through a secure platform for greater comfort, accessibility, convenience, and approachability.

How can relationship counselling or psychotherapy help my relationship?

For some couples, just a few sessions of counselling can help them resolve their problems while for others, it’s the beginning of a long process of discovery in order to make a breakthrough. Your clinician will be able to help you in setting out expectations. Whether you’ve been struggling with the same argument for years or it’s a new issue that has arisen, a couples psychotherapist can help you work through the problem in a healthy way.

Communication is such a vital component of any relationship and finding new ways to talk through issues can help you move past rough patches and restore your relationship or amicably go your separate ways – an essential consideration where children are involved. Couples counselling or psychotherapy can be an incredibly rewarding experience that can make a marked difference to your partnership. Through choosing to work online, you can access to our highly skilled team from anywhere in the country.

Contact us today if you want to talk to an expert about your relationship or if you need any advice.

How Online Relationship Counselling Works

There are many reasons why people seek out online relationship counselling and psychotherapy, from ongoing conflicts and communication challenges to infidelity, bereavement and grief, or family-related issues that are causing a rift. Whilst it may feel like your relationship is at breaking point, a trained psychotherapist can help you talk through your problems to help you find a solution and to see each other’s point of view.

Many couples imagine that relationship counselling means sitting in a therapy room with a clinician. However, there is also the option to talk with a trained professional in the comfort of your own home with online sessions. By choosing to work with a trained counsellor remotely, you will benefit from a confidential and safe space to discuss any issues, past or present, to help you improve your relationship.

Our Online Relationship Therapists

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy is home to a talented team of counsellors and psychotherapists with decades of experience. Take a look at Our Practitioners to learn more and find a practitioner who is right for you.

Areas We Cover

At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we have two physical practices, one in Hove and one in Lewes, where we offer a full range of psychological therapies.

Alternatively, we also offer online therapy services.

Why Choose Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy?

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy provides high quality psychotherapy and consultancy services in Brighton and Hove, Lewes, and online. With over a decade of experience and a talented team of skilled associates, we have built a solid reputation for excellence.

Unlike so many directory sites that purport to be clinics, or large operations comprising of a high number of clinicians, we have purposefully kept our team small enough to ensure we can all work together on a personal basis, whilst being large enough to cater to the diverse needs of our client base.

To find out more about how Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy can help you through online relationship therapy, get in touch with us today to arrange your initial consultation.

All the content on this page has been reviewed and vetted by Mark Vahrmeyer UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, Supervisor and Co-Founder of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy. For any questions or more information about the subjects discussed on this page please contact us.


Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if we are having relationship problems?

Every relationship has conflict. In fact, conflict can be healthy and certainly the frequency of conflict is no measure of the health of a relationship. Some people simply have more ‘fiery’ relationships than others. However, if your relationship is either too turbulent or eerily calm and you feel anxious or depressed in your relationship, it may be time to work with a skilled relationship therapist.

How can relationship therapy help a relationship?

A good relationship has, at its core, good communication, which relies on each member of the relationship being able to give space to the other and see their perspective.

A skilled couples therapist acts as a stabilising element in the relationship whereby the couple do not regress in the same way during conflict as they do when alone. They can use the mind of their relationship therapist to understand their partner and the underlying process between them.

Couples therapy is not necessarily about the couple staying together.  Rather, it is about facilitating a dialogue and helping the couple reach their own conclusions.

How do I know if I am working with the right psychotherapist?

Effective therapy should feel safe, but not too safe; an appropriate therapeutic relationship is one where you, the client, can learn to take risks, express yourself relationally in ways that perhaps have never felt safe to before, and work at the edge of your comfort zone, without becoming overwhelmed.

Do you offer couples or group sessions?

We offer counselling and psychotherapy for individuals, couples, families and groups. To find out about the types of session we can offer, get in touch with us today. We will find a date and time that works best for everyone involved and we will make sure everyone feels as comfortable as possible.

What happens in the first session?

The first session with one of our practitioners is an opportunity for you both to work out whether you feel able to work together. Your psychotherapist or psychologist will likely ask you a variety of questions relating to what has brought you in and explain the process of therapy to you. The first session is a two-way process where you have the opportunity to ask questions and to decide whether you feel safe and supported with your therapist.

How long will it take for me to see a practitioner?

We aim to respond to all enquiries within twenty-four hours.  You may either contact one of our practitioners directly via their profile page or you can contact us directly and we will assist you in finding the right person as soon as possible. If the practitioner you wish to see has space, an appointment can usually be arranged within a week or sometimes much sooner.

Do you offer evening and weekend sessions?

We offer sessions every day of the week including Saturdays and sessions are available into the evening.

Online therapy for depression

Depression is like a whole-body illness that affects not just your mood and thoughts but also your physical self, such as your appetite and sleep patterns, and how you view yourself, your capabilities and your emotions.

The symptoms of this condition vary from person to person, as well as in severity, but they can range from a feeling of helplessness and sadness to anxiety, insomnia, a loss of appetite, irritability and even suicidal thoughts.

How can psychotherapy help?

There are several types of treatment available for depression, but the most effective is talking therapy in the shape of counselling or psychotherapy. Depression can be thought of as a ‘stickiness’ related to unexpressed emotion. A clinician trained in working with depression will listen to you without judgement, in a confidential and safe space to offer you the support you need to work through the problems that are troubling you. They can offer suggestions of strategies to deal with your depression and techniques to help you during the darker times.

Online depression counselling and psychotherapy makes it easier to speak with a trained professional, with sessions held remotely to make them more convenient and accessible. Depression can often make tasks feel insurmountable, so being able to speak to someone from your own home can also make therapy more approachable for many people.

Self-acceptance is fundamental in overcoming the destructive thoughts and beliefs you hold about yourself when you are depressed. Psychotherapy can help you recover trust in yourself and develop a better relationship with yourself through being in a relationship with your therapist.

Seeing a counsellor or psychotherapist to work through depression enables you to learn a new approach in expressing your thoughts and feelings in the presence of another. Our clinical team are skilled in helping people deal with negative thoughts and feelings, as well as in providing objective advice and guidance to help you overcome the challenges related to this condition.

If you’re feeling depressed or want to talk to someone about how you’re feeling, get in touch with our team today and talk to someone.

All the content on this page has been reviewed and vetted by Mark Vahrmeyer UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, Supervisor and Co-Founder of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy. For any questions or more information about the subjects discussed on this page please contact us.


Online anxiety therapy

There are various symptoms of anxiety, including an overwhelming feeling of fear, panic or worry, as well as physical signs such as sweaty palms, dizziness and palpitations. For those struggling with an anxiety disorder, these feelings can occur on a frequent basis and are isolating and distressing.

Anxiety is a problem that can be exacerbated if stressors are allowed to build. It’s important to get help and support if you’re finding yourself struggling with anxious thoughts on a regular basis. By speaking to someone about what you’re dealing with, you can understand what’s causing the negative reactions to your thoughts to be better equipped to tackle them.

How can online psychotherapy help?

Anxiety can be debilitating for many people but having specialist support in the form of psychotherapy can be effective in helping relieve the worry associated with this condition and encourage recovery. Our trained therapists can help you develop effective coping strategies and resolve the issues that are causing anxiety in your life, as well as help you identify the triggers for your anxiety.

There can be various reasons why your anxiety has developed, from stressful work or school environments to difficult relationships, your health or social interactions. By talking through your issues and the causes for your anxiety, you can increase your self-awareness to manage your feelings and thoughts more effectively. Removing yourself from the situations that cause anxiety isn’t always possible but having an arsenal of techniques makes dealing with it easier, which can be a great comfort. And in a supportive and therapeutic relationship, you will no longer face your anxiety alone.

Online anxiety psychotherapy is just one form of treatment but talking to a trained professional can help you in many ways, from understanding your condition and what may be causing it, to learning techniques to deal with the symptoms. Online psychotherapy enables you to benefit from the advantages of face-to-face sessions but from the comfort of your home for a more convenient and accessible solution. It also ensures you have access to our highly skilled team from anywhere in the country.

If you want to discuss online anxiety counselling with us, contact us today or take a look at our practitioners.

All the content on this page has been reviewed and vetted by Mark Vahrmeyer UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, Supervisor and Co-Founder of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy. For any questions or more information about the subjects discussed on this page please contact us.


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Why does the difference between counselling and psychotherapy matter?

What a difference a year makes. For all of us the world is an inconceivably different place to a year ago. Not only are we all living with greater uncertainty, we have all had to enormously adapt to living, socialising, relating working, and not least, having therapy in a different way.

Almost exactly a year ago I wrote a blog on entitled ‘The Difference Between Counselling and Psychotherapy’, which has received some traction. More recently, the age old question pertaining to the difference between these to related disciplines has come bursting forth through a collaborative project SCoPEd project which seeks to set out training requirements and practice standards for counselling and psychotherapy. This project is receiving a lot of attention
(accompanied by fierce criticism) by many in the ‘talking therapies’ field. I have no wish to get drawn into the intricacies and politics of the actual project but do firmly believe that from a client’s perspective, standardisation of training requirements and robust practice standards that differ between counsellors and psychotherapists can only be a good thing. More so, I believe that they are essential.

Many of my clients come to be after trying some form of ‘talk therapy’ which may or may not have been helpful. Many come because they are unclear about why they don’t feel better and have ‘stumbled’ across me and my practice via a search engine. Few really understand that there is a difference between counselling and psychotherapy and few understand what they may need and why that may be a psychotherapist.

The fact few understand this has nothing to do with the fact that there is a fundamental difference and put simply, the more I have trained and the more years of experience I have, the more cognisant I have become not only of the differences, but also of how to assess what someone needs and whether they are in fact suitable for therapy.

I have written extensively about the differences between psychotherapy and counselling in my blog a year ago and if you are interested, you can read them here. My blogs are aimed predominantly at lay people who may be considering entering into therapy, rather than at the counselling and psychotherapy community.

Why do clients need to understand the difference between counsellors and psychotherapists?           

At present the distinction (in the minds of many) is blurry. Many counsellors believe the two terms to be interchangeable and are thus aggrieved by any proposed framework that should distinguish between the two disciplines: most counsellors think they are psychotherapist; few psychotherapists consider themselves counsellors.
The distinction matters from a duty of care perspective. Deeper work with clients dealing with complex trauma, personality disturbance and psychiatric disorders requires an in-depth understanding of how to identify these issues and an assessment of our ability to work with such clients and the client’s ability to ‘make use’ of the therapy, their robustness.

Turning clients away

My practice is generally full as my work is long-term, however, when considering taking on a new client I undertake a clinical assessment of their suitability for therapy. I aim to answer the question: ‘can I help this person?’ It may seem counter-intuitive, however, I am far more likely to turn down clients pre- or post-assessment now than when I first started out as a counsellor.

Why? Because I now know what I do not know and where my limitations lie.

A GP will not undertake surgery as they have been trained in general practice. They can, however, recognise that a patient needs to see a specialist who can offer an expert opinion and in-depth complex treatment. A GP is invaluable precisely because they are aware of what they do and don’t know and work within their limitations.

This is the ethical responsibility that I believe all counsellors and psychotherapists would carry at the forefront of their minds, however, without training in formulating (our word for diagnosing) how can a clinician know what they don’t know? Herein lies the problem.

Do no harm

The Hippocratic Oath, subscribed to by medical professionals the world over applies to us too.  In trying to help (rescue, fix, therapise, relate to) a client, unless we are acutely aware of what we are dealing with, we can do more harm than good.

Is there a place for counselling?

Unequivocally yes. Counselling is enormously beneficial and most psychotherapists started their careers as counsellors in some capacity. Counselling is often all a client needs and it can bring about enormous change for many. However, it is not appropriate for more complex or serious relational or personality disturbances.

In turning clients way it is not solely or even frequently because their requirements lie beyond my abilities; I often suggest to prospective clients that counselling may be more appropriate for them, especially if they have no prior experience of ‘talking therapy’ and are wanting to work through a time-limited issue.

And beyond psychotherapy?

The clients I do turn away as their requirements lie either beyond my knowledge base or holding capacity, I do so from a position of ‘doing no harm’ and making an often tough ethical decision. It may be that that person requires psychiatric support but it may also be that their level of disturbance is best treated by a multi-disciplinary team. And then there is, of course, psychoanalysis.

Inaccessible for many – sadly as Freud saw Analysis as being something that should be accessible for the general population – provides something that psychotherapy cannot: the ability and framework within which to work at depth with powerful regression.

To summarise, the difference simply must be acknowledged and accepted between the professions for the safety and well-being of clients and patients. To do otherwise is plain hubris.

To enquire about psychotherapy sessions with Mark Vahrmeyer, please contact him here, or to view our full clinical team, please click here.

 

Mark Vahrmeyer, UKCP Registered, BHP Co-founder is an integrative psychotherapist with a wide range of clinical experience from both the public and private sectors. He currently sees both individuals and couples, primarily for ongoing psychotherapy.  Mark is available at the Lewes and Brighton & Hove Practices.

 

Further reading by Mark Vahrmeyer

Love in the time of Covid

Why am I feeling more anxious with Covid-19?

Coronavirus Lock-Down – Physical Health Vs Mental Health

Why psychotherapy sessions should end on time

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

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Psychiatry, Psychology and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

It’s easy for psychiatry, psychology and psychodynamic psychotherapy to be confused, so in this article, we will provide definitions and distinctions between them all. As the psychodynamic model is what we do, we may be biased. However, there is research that suggests the effectiveness of therapeutic approaches is pretty equal, and that the relationship with your therapist is more important than the model of therapy.

Psychiatry

Psychiatry isn’t necessarily a therapy, but focuses on the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of mental disorders. It takes a scientific, biological pathway to the treatment of mental disorders with the main treatment being medicine or drugs like anti-depressants or anti-psychotics.

In psychiatry, mental disorders are seen through chemical imbalances known as biological psychiatry. People seek psychiatry for many reasons such as panic attacks, hallucinations, suicidal thoughts or hearing voices. In psychiatry, there are other areas like social psychiatry which challenge the typical view that mental illnesses are caused by abnormal thoughts as well as biological and social factors.

Counselling Psychology

Counselling provides a safe space for you to talk to a trained professional about your issues and your concerns. You will work with your therapist to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours to help you develop a better understanding of yourself. During counselling psychology, a counsellor will not give you their opinions, advice or prescribe medications, they will help you come to your own solutions. Whether that be making changes to your life or finding coping mechanisms.

Counselling psychologists use a broad range of treatments to help people who are struggling with stress, anxiety, emotional crises, or behavioural disorders. the British Psychological Society states that “As a science psychology functions as both a thriving academic discipline and a vital professional practice, one dedicated to the study of human behaviour – and the thoughts, feelings, and motivations behind it – through observation, measurement, and testing, to form conclusions that are based on sound scientific methodology.”.

Although counselling psychology helps many people, there are critiques surrounding the scientific methods. For example, scientists at Amgen, the biotechnology company, set out to replicate 53 landmark studies that ended up being accepted as fact. However, they were only able to replicate 11% of the time. This proves that science is fundamentally flawed when carried out by humans as it is often driven by unconscious bias.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

Psychodynamic therapy is a type of therapy that helps you understand your current feelings and behaviours are shaped by your past experiences. It is important during this therapy to have a good relationship with your therapist that is accepting, trusting and open. This encourages you to talk freely about topics like your childhood and your relationship with your parents.

A downfall to psychodynamic psychotherapy is that it is often unfocused with no clear goals. Barnaby Barrat, a radical psychoanalyst defines psychodynamics as “an understanding of the human condition that is non-manipulatively interested in the meaning of life’s events for the participant and one that is holistically interested in ‘mind, body and spirit’”.

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy is a collective of experienced psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors working with a range of client groups, including fellow therapists and health professionals. If you would like more information, or an informal discussion please get in touch. Online therapy is available.

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

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A Primary Task

This is second of eight short blogs exploring the elements of therapeutic change as proposed by Dr Sebastian Kramer.  Click here to read the first one – ‘A Desire to Change‘.

2.  A primary task, a goal . . .

When a client enters therapy they give us permission, to help them with an initial task or goal.  This goal may change throughout the therapy so it can be discussed and the ‘therapeutic sat nav’ can be reset. 

It is important that both of therapist and client understand and agree with what is being worked towards. 

We call it a ‘therapeutic contract’. It helps to keep our talking on subject and the last thing a therapist wants is for a client to walk out of the room thinking that the session had not been useful, that the conversation may have drifted around too many subjects or they had not been asked the questions they were hoping to be asked.  

In systemic psychotherapy it is not unusual for us to ask for feedback from our clients a little way into the session to help us understand if the session feels on track and useful so we can change direction to recalibrate the conversation.

When I was training I thought it was the therapist’s job to solve all of the client’s problems and dilemmas – this was an overwhelming and crippling thought.

I now understand that therapy can exist in chapters, in segments and in episodes.  You can move in and out of therapy with different goals.   

Therapy is an on-going dialogue with the therapist’s job being facilitate, encourage, cajole, challenge, question, celebrate and witness the reflection, insights and successes that our clients experience.

 

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy is a collective of experienced psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors working with a range of client groups, including fellow therapists and health professionals. If you would like more information, or an informal discussion please get in touch. Online therapy is available.

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A desire to change

One of my favourite papers is by Dr Sebastian Kraemer, called ‘Something Happens: Elements of Therapeutic Change’.  This blog helps break down what therapists and clients set out to do, as they sit together in a therapy room both hoping that change can be immobilised from a stuck situation.

This is first of eight short blogs exploring the eight elements of change identified as:

1. A desire to change

2. A primary task

3. A theory of mind and a method of treatment

4. Courage and honesty

5. A specific narrative

6. Neutrality and reflectiveness

7. A tradition

8. Something happens

A desire to change: As the client and therapist sit face to face in their first session progress has already begun  – the desire to change has been acknowledged and acted on.  The request for help to a therapist has been made and the therapist has accepted this. 

However long a therapist has been practicing – having collected skills, theories and techniques along the way – each new client brings a unique story and request for help.  They bring their stories of strength, courage and endurance alongside their stories of distress, confusion and pain.  Just turning up to the appointment is an act of bravery, it is our role as therapists to acknowledge and respect the clients vulnerability; walking alongside them as they take action to change.

On first meeting, many clients report that they have noticed shifts in their thinking, changes in behaviour and an increased sense of hopefulness that things can be different – this is before the first session.  This could possibly be a placebo effect or could be understood further in the context of the research around models of change.

In the early 1980’s Proschaska and DiClemete set out five stages of change. Upon arriving at their first session clients are already in transit between Stage Three and Stage Four 3 of this theory – monumental shifts in awareness and readiness have already taken place:

Stage One. Pre-contemplation – the ‘I’m not ready’ stage

I am unaware or under-aware of a problem and have not got plan to change – leave me alone.

Stage Two. Contemplation – the ‘I’m getting ready’ stage

I am aware I have a problem to address but do not have the motivation or commitment to change my behaviour as yet. – leave me alone but watch this space.

Stage Three. Preparation – the ‘I am ready’ stage  

I have researched and planned a way to change and my initial goals are clear – no time to talk I’m busy!

Preparation is considered the most important stage of the model – relapse is considered to be 50 per more probable if the preparation stage is not undertaken

– ON YOUR FIRST SESSION YOU ARE HERE –

Stage Four. Action – the ‘I am implementing my plan’  

I am making changes to my behaviour, my environment and my choices. I have sought help in this process and am being encouraged to feel more hopeful about the future

Stage Five. Maintenance – ‘I have changed and I want to keep it that way’ stage.

Work and effort is still required to maintain positive changes and prevent relapse.

A desire for change is important to begin the work however sometimes it becomes clear change may bring difficulties and risks that had not been contemplated originally.  Resistance to the change may then come into play and the work takes a different turn as goals are reviewed.

 

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy is a collective of experienced psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors working with a range of client groups, including fellow therapists and health professionals. If you would like more information, or an informal discussion please get in touch. Online therapy is available.

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Why psychotherapy sessions should end on time

Boundaries are critical not only to a psychotherapeutic relationship, but, as many clients learn through therapy, are essential to healthy adult-to-adult relationships.

In a good psychotherapeutic relationship, there is a solid contract between client and therapist such that clients know what to expect and when.  And part of this knowing by the client is knowing what time the session ends; most psychotherapy sessions last for a ‘therapeutic hour’ or 50 minutes.

Door-stop moments

Every clinician has encountered what are known as ‘door-stop moments’ with clients – they happen in the moments leading up to the end of a session where a client suddenly blurts out something emotive and important that can throw the therapist and lead them to extend the session by some further minutes.

Unconsciously, door-stop moments have much significance and represent a relational process between the client and therapist.  Yes, the content may be important, however, why is it being brought into the room (and relationship) in the final moments?

The client may unconsciously want to control the session by ensuring their therapist has no time to explore the content in detail; they may wish to ‘leave’ something difficult with their therapist to hold for a week; and they may be testing whether the therapist will hold the boundaries.  Or all of the above and more.

On hiding an being found

Donald Winnicott, esteemed 20th Century British analyst famously said “it is a joy to be hidden, and a disaster not to be found”.  Winnicott was making reference to the children’s game of hide and seek, which, is only enjoyable if we imagine that someone is looking for us.  If the other game participants give up and leave, we are left hiding with nobody holding us in mind – a disaster.  In this quote, Winnicott is talking about many concepts, but amongst others he is making reference to boundaries and holding others in mind.

Even though in the game of hide and seek the winner triumphs by not being found, they paradoxically only win if the other(s) are still searching for them – the game therefore is profoundly relational and based on an agreed set of rules.

Psychotherapy is also relational at its core and based on a set of rules (boundaries).  One of these is that sessions end on time.  Clients will find all sorts of ways to ‘hide’ from their psychotherapist, however, this is only ‘joyful’ if they believe that they will be found (seen and contained).

When a client presents a door-stop moment to us, it cannot be allowed to derail the boundaries of the relationship or the rules of the game.  Otherwise the client gets what they think they want (more time) but feels omnipotent and thus unsafe with their psychotherapist – in other words, the client has hidden so well the psychotherapist has forgotten about them.

It is never about the client even though it seems it is

Extending a session due to a door-stop moment is never about the client’s needs and always about the psychotherapist’s.  The client relies on their psychotherapist to ‘hold them in mind’ and thus hold their best interests in mind.  It is the latter that gets lost when a session is extended.

How can it be in the psychotherapists interests to extend a session?

Unconsciously the psychotherapist has also ‘got lost’ and is unable to remain separate from the client’s needs.  They thus extend the session to try and ‘please’, or appease the client, which fundamentally is about avoiding the client’s anger’ rage and disappointment.  And the job of a psychotherapist is precisely to survive these feelings in their client and what it makes them feel.

Don’t become a psychotherapist if you want your clients to like you

Psychotherapy is only happening when a client feels either positive or negative feelings towards their psychotherapist (and vice-versa).  If the relationship is neutral, nothing is happening.

It is easy to bask in the glow of a client’s adoration but beware, a fall will come.  And so it should.  As psychotherapists we are not there to be liked – we are there to remain constant in the face of our client’s emotions.

And being constant means ending the session on time.

 

Mark Vahrmeyer, UKCP Registered, BHP Co-founder is an integrative psychotherapist with a wide range of clinical experience from both the public and private sectors. He currently sees both individuals and couples, primarily for ongoing psychotherapy.  Mark is available at the Lewes and Brighton & Hove Practices.

 

Further reading by Mark Vahrmeyer –

How being ordinary is increasingly extraordinary – On the role of narcissistic defences

Can Psychotherapy or counselling be a business expense?

The difference between Counselling and Psychotherapy

Face to Face and Online Therapy Help Available Now

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So what actually is a Psychologist?

It’s important to note that the term ‘psychologist’ is not actually a protected title.  So, anyone can technically call themselves a psychologist.  If someone claims to be a psychologist, then the question to ask is, what kind of psychologist are they, and perhaps more importantly, what qualifications do they have.

Undergraduate degrees may be undertaken as either a Bachelor of Science or of Arts.  Completing an undergraduate degree in psychology gives a good basic introduction to a wide range of psychological theories and applications, but not necessarily expertise in any one area.

The British Psychological Society describes psychology as:

‘the scientific study of the mind and how it dictates and influences our behaviour, from communication and memory to thought and emotion.  It’s about understanding what makes people tick and how this understanding can help us address many of the problems and issues in society today.’

There are many areas of both theory and application within psychology; health, educational, forensic, counselling, occupational, clinical, sports and exercise, and neuro.  Becoming qualified in one of these fields requires post-graduate study.

In the example of Clinical Psychology; the current route for training is a 3 year doctoral degree (after the undergraduate degree) which involves both university teaching days and days on placement with the NHS.  In order for someone to call themselves a Clinical Psychologist, they must have completed an approved training course, and be registered with the Health and Care Professions Council (HCPC).

The HCPC regulates all applied psychologists within the areas above. The below are protected titles, which means people can only use them if they have completed an approved training course and complete ongoing appropriate Continuing Professional Development.

  • Practitioner psychologist
  • Registered psychologist
  • Clinical psychologist
  • Forensic psychologist
  • Counselling psychologist
  • Health psychologist
  • Educational psychologist
  • Occupational psychologist
  • Sport and exercise psychologist

Any other titles, such as Media Psychologist, Celebrity Psychologist or TV Psychologist, such as are often seen in the media, say nothing about the qualifications or expertise of the individual.  Understandably this is often misunderstood by the public.  As a Clinical Psychologist it concerns me that people may put their trust in, or even pay for services delivered by, unqualified people.  In addition it is concerning that the reputation or credibility of the profession may be damaged by unqualified people providing a poor service.

It is a very confusing area, however, probably the most important thing to remember is if you are considering working with a psychologist in any of the fields above check that they are registered with the HCPC on www.hcpc-uk.org

 

Please follow the links to find out more about about our therapists and the types of therapy services we offer.  We have practices in Hove and Lewes.  Online therapy is also available.

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49 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex, BN3 2BE

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