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Some thoughts on becoming (part two) …

“‘This – is now my way – where is yours?’ Thus did I answer those who asked me ‘the way’. For the way – it doth not exist!”

(Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra)

Nietzsche (1961) conceives of people as a process of becoming and thus creative and transformative in nature. Nietzsche (1973) calls us to focus on facing up to the realities of the world, develop a loving relationship to ourselves; our dynamic and multiple forces, sometimes conflicting (our passions and paradoxes), and take responsibility for the creation of them and our lives.  He uses the idea of our spirit being akin to a process of metamorphosis. Firstly, carrying the heavy weight that life has thrown at us, like a camel. But he calls us to consider and recognise the spirit of the lion within us too. Coining the will to power, not so much about taming, integrating or balancing these forces but more to do with inviting and using power, passion and assertion to guide the active forces and create. He promotes the body as the self; the place from which the will to power is generated.

He argued, once we accept and bear that which has been given to us we must also make space for freedom’s possibility and  “seize the right to” new values (p.55).  Understanding the significance of power and passions, embracing risk, uncertainty, impermanence and the importance of falling in the process of becoming and transformation.  Equally he invites us to consider the rejection of conformity, duty and obligation as a necessary part of the process in decentering and freeing the self. To perhaps see it as a movement. I am free to come and go, to feel the comfort of belonging but also to recognise it is limiting and never stationary.

Therapy can sometimes feel like a space whereby you can/ might begin to navigate this, with another.  Discovering, perhaps, through paying attention to how affects and intensities traverse and move through the body, and how we can learn from them. Investigating what has been difficult, whilst also considering what our greatest desires are, and aiming our flight towards them.

Existential therapy can be a way to approach this. Van Deurzen (2002) analogised the role of an existential therapist with an art tutor, one which may support the client to reach towards a sense of perspective and begin to create a more detailed picture of their past, present and possible desires for the future world. Understanding the patterns and burdens in which we have been carrying and acting out from and perhaps begin to hold them more lightly.  So that we might feel more able to be in relationship with the forever present, fluid and creative spaciousness where phenomena emerges. The creative space where things move, fluctuate and are impermanent,  thus always full of possibility and potential.

Perhaps a good place to start is by considering desire as a guiding light in these explorations. Tell me, what is your greatest desire?

This blog follows on from part one.

To enquire about psychotherapy sessions with Susanna, please contact her here, or to view our full clinical team, please click here.Susanna Petitpierre, BACP Registered, is an experienced psychotherapeutic counsellor, providing long and short term counselling. Her approach is primarily grounded in existential therapy and she works with individuals.  Susanna is available at our Brighton and Hove Practice.

Further reading by Susanna Petitpierre – 

Some thoughts on becoming (part one) …

What is the Menopause? (part two)

What is the Menopause? (part one)

Some existential musings from the sea

References:
  • van Deurzen (2002) Existential Counselling & Psychotherapy in Practice. London: Sage
  • Nietzsche, F (1973) The Will to Power in Science, Nature, Society and Art, New York: Random House. 
  • Nietzsche, F (1961) Thus Spoke Zarathustra. trans. R.J. Hollingdale ( Harmondsworth: Penguin).

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Some thoughts on becoming (part one) …

“First we are written and then we write.”  These words resound in my head daily. Helene Cixous, the speaker of those words, was immediately given special and spacial status in my lived experience. Her words speaking to the many dynamic forces that seemingly make up my lived experience including past, present and some yet to be birthed influences.

Her words help me understand the paradox and tensions in which I/we continually live; that of our essential solitude and our inescapable connection to the world,  the continual uncertainty we must create from and our responsibility to do so.  They inspire me to recognise that only I can be responsible for what I make of my life as opposed to holding others responsible.  This can sometimes shower me with a sense of liberation and at other times the opposite feeling of hopelessness.

Discovering a way to navigate our existence and relationships, amongst the many prevailing tensions can be hard sometimes. It might often feel difficult to not externalise, to blame others as responsible for what is happening or happened. There is an obvious morass of disparity, privilege and injustice everywhere. We can feel filled up by tragedy, dread and despair and often feel unable to loosen the grip of injustice, loss and fear and welcome uncertainty, ambiguity and difference.

Existential therapy talks of facticity, that which we are born and thrown into and which influences and shapes us and our surroundings. It is much of how we textually create our encounters with ourselves and the world. Some can be heavy forces, which we often feel powerless to when responding. Others we can utilise creatively to conduct and perhaps flow in the rhythm in which we move; cultivating the soil we traverse through more easily.

Merleau-ponty (1964, p. 116) posits,

“We must abandon the fundamental prejudice according to which the psyche is that which is accessible only to myself and cannot be seen from outside …My consciousness is turned primarily toward the world, turned towards things; it is above all a relation to the world.” 

Sartre (2003) also tells us about this relationship to the world, amongst many other things, when he discusses how the gaze of the other objectifies us in a position, a role to perform, calling us to be for the other. The gaze of the other interrupts our inherent freedom, consequently we might deprive ourselves of our existence as a being-for-itself and instead learn to insincerely self-identify as a being-in-itself. Sartre argues that if we look to the other to give us definition we are living in bad faith.  By not bearing the responsibility of what we are we are denying our freedom.

Sartre (1961) conveys,

“We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seated refusal of that which others have made of us.”  

Sartre highlights a paradox; we are discovered by the encounter with Other but it is us who creates our meaning.

These paradoxes, contradictions and tensions are complex and not linear. There is a continual impermanence, uncertainty, negotiation and relationship revealed and expressed via affects and intensities, within and without.  We are neither fixed nor congruent but always in passage and in motion.

We are called to create, enchant and become captivated. To remember the “heavy burden of the growing soul” (Elliot, 1964) and perhaps keep cultivating the yet unknown soil in which we breathe. To cease neither enrapturing and traversing the other nor becoming captivated and transformed by them. Perhaps, as Cixous writes,  “… to find in myself the possibility of the unexpected.” (p.39).

Part two of this blog can be found here.

To enquire about psychotherapy sessions with Susanna, please contact her here, or to view our full clinical team, please click here. Susanna Petitpierre, BACP Registered, is an experienced psychotherapeutic counsellor, providing long and short term counselling. Her approach is primarily grounded in existential therapy and she works with individuals.  Susanna is available at our Brighton and Hove Practice.

Further reading by Susanna Petitpierre – 

Some thoughts on becoming (part one)

What is the Menopause? (part two)

What is the Menopause? (part one)

Some existential musings from the sea

Nietzsche and the body

 

References:

  • Ciscoux, H. (1992).  On writing. In coming to writing and other essays. London: Harvard University Press  (pp. 1- 58).
  • Eliot. T.S. (1964) Animula. In Collected Poems 1909-1962 by T. S. Eliot, copyright,
  • 1936, by Harcourt, Brace & World Inc.
  • Merleau-Ponty, M. (1964) The child’s relations with others. In: Cobb, William, translator; Merleau-Ponty, M., editor. The primacy of perception. Evanston: Northwestern University Press; 1964.
  • Sartre, Jean-Paul (1961) Preface to Frantz Fanon’s “Wretched of the Earth”. In Fanon, Frantz (1925–1961). The wretched of the earth. Harmondsworth: Penguin. ISBN 9780140224542. OCLC 12480619.
  • Sartre, Jean-Paul (2003). Being and Nothingness. Hazel E. Barnes (trans.). London: Routledge.

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Nietzsche and the body

Here I reflect, a little,  on a few of Nietzsche’s words on and as the body. These reflections are not conclusive or comprehensive. The only agenda is inspired by Nietzsche,  to perhaps stimulate the reader’s curiosity and desire to experiment and explore.  Please do read my previous article – ‘Why read Nietzsche?‘

“The body is a great intelligence, a multiplicity with one sense, a war and a peace, a herd and a shepherd.” (1)

Nietzsche felt many philosophers, including Plato and Descartes, failed to grasp the significance of the corporeal nature of human beings and the pivotal role of affect.

In much of his writing he explored the impossibility of pure thinking, reminding us that we are embodied thinkers, and our senses and emotions are as much a part of this reasoning as thought, if not more so.

Nietzsche treasured being and walking in nature. In fact, Nietzsche (1967) seemingly suggests physical movement was necessary for a thought to be accepted as plausible when he said –

“Give no credence to a thought that was not born outdoors while one moved about freely”. (2)

He depicted how the air we breathe, the food we eat, the place we live and what we ingest through reading, writing and talking all have an impact on our physiology and philosophy and vice versa. Nietzsche (1974) even advised:

“Our first questions about the value of a book, of a human being, or a musical composition are: Can they walk? Even more, can they dance?” (3)

Nietzsche wrote a poem called ‘Writing with one’s feet’. It emphasised the principle of embodiment through metaphor and description of the anatomy of his writing.

“Not with my hand alone I write: 
My foot wants to participate.
Firm and free and bold, 
my feet Run across the field – and sheet”(4)

I understand Nietzsche as a passionate defender of the embodied lived experience. His philosophy is one that elevates both known and unknown instincts and drives that interplay with our bodily lived experiences. In fact, Nietzsche seems to suggest the self is the body.

“Behind your thoughts and feelings… there stands a mighty rule, an unknown sage – whose name is self. In your body he dwells; he is your body”(5)

Nietzsche was not defining the body in a conventional way, such as a physical body or a single unit. He viewed it more metaphorically as a collection of corporeal and psychic forces, including emotions and instincts which are in a continual and often conflictual interplay. He saw the self as a plurality of forces, or more precisely a plurality of (relational) affects. These relational affects each express a viewpoint and seek domination.  Affects, for Nietzsche, are dynamically and continually interpreting and creating perspective. (6)

This multiplicity can sometimes create confusion and conflict, especially if one gets stuck in thinking there is  a such a thing as supremacy, or the right way, or the truth. Perhaps the key is to recognise that they all say many things at once. Rather than seeing this multiplicity of meaning and often unknown elements as something to fear, one could be curious and trust there is something to be listened to in all aspects. This exploration and experimentation is something that therapy can be helpful for.  A potential space to sit in the unknown for a while, exploring, experimenting and experiencing,  and see what might emerge.

Perhaps as Nietzsche suggests this very experience of conflicting affect can dislodge the notion that there is one way to be and create an opportunity for us to be guided into new, more fluid and creative ways of becoming. It can show us there are no limits to novel forms and there is always potential for transformation even within the limitations, obstacles and challenges that we may face. It also tells me that the idea of a rational pure thought that can somehow ignore or overcome the influence of emotions, physical sensations and those forces that reside in the unknown or unreflected, is unlikely. For Nietzsche it seems, nothing is, or needs to be, left behind in this often enigmatic embodied endeavour we might call lived experience.

As I conclude I feel a pressure to tie this short piece up into a nice and neat bow, so that it feels complete and reassuring somehow. However, I also feel the desire to swim. Perhaps the former would be missing the entire point of Nietzsche and the latter highlights his case in point.

 

To enquire about psychotherapy sessions with Susanna Petitpierre, please contact her here, or to view our full clinical team, please click here.

 

Susanna Petitpierre, BACP Registered, is an experienced psychotherapeutic counsellor, providing long and short term counselling. Her approach is primarily grounded in existential therapy and she works with individuals.  Susanna is available at our Brighton and Hove Practice.

 

Further reading by Susanna Petitpierre

Why read Nietzsche?

Magnificent Monsters

Death Anxiety

A consideration of some vital notions connected to Existential Therapies

 

References – 

1) Nietzsche, F. (1883/2010) Thus Spoke Zarathustra (Ed. B Chapko),Ebook.

2) Nietzsche, F. (1967) Ecce Homo, in On the Genealogy of Morals and Ecce Homo, trans. and ed. by Walter Kaufmann. New York: Vintage Books, 1967

3) Nietzsche, F. (1882/1974), The Gay science. With a Prelude in Rhymes and an Appendix of Songs, trans. W Kaufmann, New York: Random House

4) Nietzsche, F. (1882/1974), The Gay science. With a Prelude in Rhymes and an Appendix of Songs, trans. W Kaufmann, New York: Random House

5) Nietzsche, F. (1883/2010) Thus Spoke Zarathustra (Ed. B Chapko), Ebook.

6) Bazzano, M., (2019) Niezsche and Psychotherapy. London: Routeledge.

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Death Anxiety

This blog follows on from my previous blogs – Existential Therapy and A consideration of some vital notions connected to Existential Therapies.  

In Existential Therapy reflecting on death anxiety would not be the same without a consideration of Heidegger. Heidegger (1927) regarded human beings as always ‘being towards death’. He asserted the significance of anticipating death as a vehicle to address the possibility of being itself.  Heidegger (1927) described the earnest recognition of our being towards death and its possibility in the following way:

“Impassioned freedom towards death – a freedom which has been released from the illusions of the ‘they’ and which is tactical, certain of itself, and anxious”

(p. 266) [1]

To me it seems Heidegger postulated that by confronting our finitude we can take responsibility for our existence and be released from the illusions surrounding a life of conformity.  However, this does not remove anxiety from living but reframes it as something inherent in being.

To a greater and lesser extent ‘death anxiety’ is considered by existential therapists as a central theme. One’s mortality is recognised as a continuing condition of human beings. It is perhaps the only thing that belongs to us,  and we can knowingly and unknowingly be living in the anticipation of its possibility and eventuality. This theme holds much uncertainty and reflects back to us the pervading uncertainty of life. It gives birth to the existential angst inherent in the human condition. This angst is generated by the fragility and unreliability of a life lived in this existence.

This does not have to be a pessimistic view. It is in fact allowing an exploration of the boundaries of life. By confronting our mortality, and in fact any pain and suffering experienced along our path, we have the opportunity to clarify our limits and identify that which is out of our reach rather than evading it. Simultaneously it can support us to become aware of our potential and the elements in our lives that it is possible to do something about. It can make us feel more adventurous and alive.

Existential Therapy frequently espouses the importance of facing up to our life and death and all that is experienced between the two poles of our existence, whether it be inevitable suffering or joy. We must find the capacity to confront our difficulties in living and permit the experience to feel it, without needing to linger for too long.

Equally we must see the good in our existence and recognise these times as they happen. Allow learning to ensue so that we can augment this in our lives, but without getting caught in the pursuit of unending happiness. Ultimately all aspects experienced, wherever they fall on the spectrum of suffering or joy, do not stand alone. They are all parts of the same indivisible perspective that each individual experiences as they travel within their existence.

So whether or not death anxiety is viable to consider, angst or anxiety is seen as an inevitable part of existence by Existential Therapists. Many will emphasise the significance of valuing, understanding and tolerating anxiety. Many recognise anxiety as a sign that something in our life needs our energy and attention rather than it being a threat or something to be eliminated. Perhaps it may be the very thing that unshackles us from conformity and seeking validation or permission from others. Perhaps it is the vehicle within which we may feel our aliveness, engagement,  and vital connection.

 

Susanna Petitpierre, BACP Registered, is an experienced psychotherapeutic counsellor, providing long and short term counselling. Her approach is primarily grounded in existential therapy and she works with individuals.  Susanna is available at our Brighton and Hove Practice and Lewes Practice.

 

Further reading by Susanna Petitpierre –

A consideration of some vital notions connected to Existential Therapies

Existential Therapy

Being embodied in Therapy: Feeling and listening to your body

 

Resources –

[1] Heidegger, M. (1927) Being and Time (transl. J. Macquarrie and E.s Robinson) Londo: Harper and Row, 1962 edn.  

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Existential Therapies

“A rich tapestry of intersecting therapeutic practices, all of which orientate themselves around shard concern: human lived experience” (1)

What is existential therapy? I’m asked this a lot. I even ask myself from time to time. In some ways it could be described as an attitude held by the therapist. It is certainly, in my experience, a continually unfolding enterprise due in part to its emphasis on relationship, non-directive stance, non-structured framework and an openness to wonder and mystery rather than reduction and categorisation.

In this blog, and future blogs I will begin to reflect on some understandings within existential therapy.

It is perhaps safe to start with reiterating what many have said before: there are as many ways to be an existential therapist as there are existential therapists (2) (and clients may I add). I am aware how vague that sounds, however, I believe it is actually what makes existential therapy so valuable. Its variety and openness invites connections and relationships to be developed in an authentic and unique way with each client. It also challenges some illusions regarding life (and therapy) including that it is and can be objective, manualisable and unambiguous.

Existential therapy is framed around a variety of existential thinkers, and other philosophers. Many have been influential in its development. At times the diversity of understandings about human existence reveals contrasting understandings which can be confusing. However, this is also the very ingredient that permits the aforementioned subjectivity, diversity and disagreement.

Existential therapy recognises the significance that each individual interprets from their particular context, therefore rejecting the notion that one size fits all. It invites every individual to recognise and bring forth their unique potential. Its very nature permits consideration of life in all its complexity and nuance and recognises how uncertainty is intricately connected with living life.

What underpins existential therapy is the starting point: May (1958) (3) described existential therapy as an exploration that seeks to understand individuals as being. It invites a person to experience and have awareness of their own being, their own existence, their own aliveness, their own relation to one’s self and one’s world as a precondition for unravelling and working through their difficulties. Its focus is on the existence of each individual is sitting with the therapist, and what occurs between them. It does not disparage investigations about behaviour patterns or dynamisms but it recognises these elements are only really understood in the context of each individual’s structured existence. It is existence, or as May (1958) described the ‘I am’ experience, that underpins everything else.

So what does this mean in practical terms? Typically, existential therapy does not employ diagnostic frameworks to label or categorise personal characteristics or experiences. Abstract knowledge about a person, an assessment report or a theoretical understanding about a certain type of experience or behaviour is less important than the reality and experience that emerges between two people (client and therapist for instance) encountering each other in a room.

How else does this show up in an existential therapeutic session? In other ways, and always depending on the client’s needs, clients may be encouraged to understand their relationship to, and come to terms with, the ‘four ultimate concerns’ of existence as understood by Irvin Yalom (1980). Yalom described these as death, freedom, isolation and meaninglessness.

Additionally, clients may be invited to consider how they are being and relating to four basic existential dimensions (4). This may take the shape of exploring their relationship to personal, spiritual, physical and social aspects of their existence.

As mentioned in other blogs what has been written above and before is not a blueprint for what to expect in existential therapy. It is also not an exhaustive discussion of ideas within existential therapy. However, if you are interested in reading about other significant ideas in existential therapies, as I understand them, please read my other blogs.

Susanna Petitpierre, BACP Registered, is an experienced psychotherapeutic counsellor, providing long and short term counselling. Her approach is primarily grounded in existential therapy and she works with individuals.  Susanna is available at our Brighton and Hove Practice and Lewes Practice.

 

Further reading by Susanna Petitpierre –

Being embodied in Therapy: Feeling and listening to your body

 

References

(1) Cooper, M. (2003) Existential Therapies. London: Sage. (p. 1)

(2) Cohn, H. (2002) Heidegger and the roots of Existential Therapy. London: Continuum

(3) May, R., (1958) Origins of the existential movement. in Existence. (Eds: Rollo May, Ernest Angel & Henri, F Ellenberg) USA: Rowman and Littlefield Publishers, (p. 31).

(4) Van Deurzen, E. (2012) Existential Counselling & Psychotherapy in Practice. London: Sage

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Being Embodied in Therapy: feeling and listening to your body

Therapy is often called a ‘talking therapy’ but what is talking exactly?

Generally speaking, what someone says is what therapists consider and explore in session. Body psychotherapies are often the exception because language and thought are understood as different aspects of being in and as the body. The rise of mindfulness-based therapies that explore therapeutic change via awareness of the body as a whole could suggest that the focus on talking therapy is changing.

Despite this, what someone says remains a significant focus in therapy. Other than words, what could be important to pay attention to in therapy and beyond?

Existential therapy is rooted in philosophy. Merleau-Ponty (1962) has been deeply influential in how existential therapy considers the embodied being. Merleau-Ponty illustrated how our embodied nature is our primary experience of the world and how we communicate.

He also emphasised the importance of our existential sexuality (which I will discuss in more depth in a later blog) and embodiment to how we feel and how we react to everything we encounter. This understanding seems fundamental to how we open and close ourselves to the world. Merleau-Ponty reminded us that however we are perceiving experience in our own way, we are always in an interpersonal encounter “like an atmosphere” (p. 168)  .

Perhaps this atmosphere is most readily felt when we open and connect to something that generates sensation, for instance when doing yoga, meditating, making love. Or perhaps when we feel ourselves with others deeply, whether it is in an intimate and caring moment or perhaps feeling a difficult and challenging emotion. This ‘atmosphere’ is incredibly useful to consider both in therapy and in the moment when we feel the cluster of sensations that reveal our ‘being-ness’.

For instance, this atmosphere can point to how we are relating with others. It provides information for us personally but can also highlight how we feel in our relationships. Breaking through repetitive patterns in relationships can be tricky. However, a quick way to cut through stuck narratives is to stop and feel. Pausing the story telling and easing into the direct experience of being with another can sometimes reveal a deeper more intimate layer of being. We may notice we feel more open, or perhaps we may feel more closed. Defences may drop while a sense of feeling exposed becomes more prevalent.

In this moment, we may feel more deeply the sensations which illuminate the connecting space between all we encounter. We may understand more clearly whether we want to move towards or away from something or someone. This understanding can be a hugely significant when we are feeling confused intellectually.

Gendlin’s (1993) writes the “… living body always implies its right next step” (p.32). His commentary about being and focusing in the body seems to support Merleau Ponty’s ideas and suggests that it can be a guiding force to orient and anchor us. Even simple movements, such as feeling the pattern of breath and its impacts, can ground us and bring us into intimately present being. Paying attention to feeling sensations may encourage new understanding to arise. By broadening how we understand ourselves we may find more possibilities emerge where we once felt stuck.

These notions and an openness to experience it directly for yourself can be incredibly helpful in therapy. It is also a significant understanding and experience for anyone interested enough to pay attention to what is actually happening in your body, in any moment.

So, despite therapy often being considered a talking therapy there is much useful information that happens beyond this. Paying attention to what is actually happening in and as the body can be a fantastic starting point. This enquiry does not have to be difficult or complicated. For instance, next time you are out walking or sitting down just notice what it feels like. How do your feet and hands feel? Are they relaxed or tense? Do you feel any tension in your tummy? Let go of any judgement or speculation about it and just feel what is actually happening. If you feel like it, try sensitively easing into the tension. Relax, be curious and see what happens.

Susanna Petitpierre, BACP Registered, is an experienced psychotherapeutic counsellor, providing long and short term counselling. Her approach is primarily grounded in existential therapy and she works with individuals.  Susanna is available at our Brighton and Hove Practice and Lewes Practice.

 

Disclaimer: some of the content of this blog was originally part of an essay for a doctoral programme at NSPC. It has been amended.

1)          Merleau-Ponty, M. (1962). Phenomenology of Perception. Trans. C.                     Smith London: Routledge.

2)         Gendlin, E.T (1993). ‘Three Assertions about the Body’. The Folio 12                      (1): 21–33.

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Crisis of Meaning

We live in a complex world which, for the most part, seems to demand that we achieve certain things to ‘be someone’ and have a successful and happy life. These ‘certain things’ are the obvious trappings of society – having a good education, getting that well-paid job or rewarding career, finding that perfect relationship, having the right house and the right car, and so on. While these can bring certain levels of happiness and contentment for some people, those feelings are usually transitory and once the excitement of the achievement dies down, it leaves us with the yearning for the next thing on the list, the next achievement that will bring us happiness.

Materialistic society

This, of course, is how our materialistic society works. It is based on continued consumption of good and products, a continued movement towards bigger and better things, with very little time to sit and wonder what it is all about. When we do find the time to do so, we are often left with the nagging feeling that there must be more to life than this. Do we really want to spend our days working really hard, burning ourselves out to earn more money, just to buy more stuff? Is the purpose of our life just to make money, achieve some social status, maybe raise a family and then die? Is this truly and deeply where we want to be in our life?

When these sorts of questions start to arise, we can quickly face a crisis of meaning, which is arguable the epidemic of our times. While we can avoid thinking about these deeper issues for a while by living a busy life and staying at the surface level, these deeper questions with the unsettling feelings they can bring with them will keep bubbling up again and again. For many people this can manifest in a lack of motivation, a lack of joy or excitement in life, and indeed in depression.

What is a crisis of meaning?

So what can we do when we face a crisis of meaning? While there is no easy and straightforward answer to this we can consider two distinct ways of finding meaning in life. The first is to create meaning – to invest our time an energy in something that seems meaningful to us. Being a parent for example, can give some people a meaning in life, or doing some voluntary work, engaging in something that spreads positivity in the world, writing a book etc – all of these can give people meaning. The key is to engage in something that is bigger than you, that propagates out into the world and helps people in one way or another. While creating a meaning can be very satisfying, for many there is a deeper level still to this, and they want to find their true meaning in life – to answer the deeper question of ‘what are we here for?’ In order to find our meaning in life (rather than create it), takes quite a different approach. We need to spend time being with ourselves, listening to our inner voice, spending time in quiet contemplation. For some this will naturally lead in a spiritual direction, as contemplating the deeper recesses of our psyche will invariably move us to transcendental thinking. Engaging with spirituality, whether in an organised way by attending a spiritual or religious group, or just reading and thinking about it, can go a long way to helping us find meaning in life. It is also worth mentioning that spending time in quiet contemplation can also entail facing some of our inner demons, as we come in touch with our deeper emotional side. Understanding and resolving our deeper feelings can be fundamental to living a more contented and meaningful life. 

Psychotherapy and meaning

Engaging in psychotherapy can be a very fruitful journey on the path to finding meaning in life. With your therapist you can find ways to face your inner fears, get in touch with your inner self and express the meaningful life that is yours.

Simon Cassar is an experienced integrative existential psychotherapist, supervisor and academic, providing long and short-term psychotherapy to both individuals and couples at our practices in Hove and Lewes.

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What is Existential Psychotherapy? An interview with Dr. Simon Cassar – VLOG

Recently Mark Vahrmeyer interviewed Dr. Simon Cassar on the topic of Existential Psychotherapy.  This is the first in a series of interviews and VLOGS into the topic of psychotherapy generally.  So, please check out the interview and we would welcome any feedback or suggestions for future VLOGS.

Dr Simon Cassar is an integrative existential therapist, trained in Person Centred Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), and Existential Psychotherapy.  He works from our Hove and Lewes practice.

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Managing Work Stress

Most of us have to work in order to live. For many, work can take up a large proportion of our waking lives with up to a third of our lives being spent at work.

While the primary reason for working is to make money, our work life can (and should) be much more than that. Working and having a career can become an intrinsic part of our identity and can indeed give us meaning and purpose in the world.

When we meet a new person, one of the first questions we often ask them is: “What do you do?” We can identify ourselves by our work and the position we hold within it, and our work can become one of the most important aspects of our life.

When our work life becomes stressful, our emotional response to it can become out of proportion to the actual situation. We can feel that our livelihood is jeopardized and at a deeper level it may feel like the very core of our being is threatened. Stressful situations at work can soon spiral out of control as we lose our clarity and our ability to stay objective in the face of these perceived threats.

What is stress?

 There is no clear medical definition of stress, but generally speaking we can say that stress is our body’s natural response to demands or threats that are put upon it. The stress response is usually the ‘fight or flight’ response that can help protect us in dangerous situations.

Under normal circumstances, stress is healthy and can help us stay alert, focussed and be more energetic. It can give us the motivation to get up in the morning and get on with our day.

However, if we have a demanding job or there are conflicts at work we can end up in a heightened stress state for a prolonged period of time. This can have a negative affect on both our physical and emotional health and we need to be mindful of the signs that we are becoming too stressed.

 What are the common symptoms of stress?

Cognitive symptoms: Inability to concentrate, constant worrying, racing thoughts, seeing only the negative in situations.

Physical Symptoms: Frequent colds of flu, aches and pains, nausea, dizziness, chest pains, rapid heart beat, loss of sex drive.

Behavioural Symptoms: Changes in sleep pattern, using alcohol or drugs to relax, changes in eating habits, withdrawing from other people.

Emotional symptoms: Depression, anxiety, mood swings, irritability and anger, feeling overwhelmed, loneliness and isolation.

What is causing your stress?

As well as noticing the signs and symptoms stress, we also need to identify the situation that is causing us stress. Some of the main work issues that can cause stress are: being overloaded, conflict with colleagues, management style of the organisation or our line manager, change and personal factors such as work/life balance. Some of these will be easier to address than others, but as a starting point, don’t carry the stress alone.

What can you do?

If possible, speak to colleagues and your line manager, and to your HR department if you have one. Letting others know that you are stressed will enable them to step in and help if they can.

Additionally, think about your work/life balance. Are you spending too much time at work with not enough down time? It’s easy to fall into the trap of needing to work more because you are stressed, which means you have less downtime and hence more stress. Re-addressing priorities in an important part of dealing with stress – make some time for yourself. If you able, do some physical exercise to help you unwind the physical tension. Start a mindfulness practice to allow your mind some ‘time off’. Speak to your GP if you are experiencing the physical symptoms mentioned above. And finally, if it becomes overwhelming, consider speaking to a counsellor or psychotherapist to help you process the emotions than can arise from feeling stressed.

Dr Simon Cassar is an integrative existential therapist, trained in Person Centred Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), and Existential Psychotherapy.

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What is an integrative existential therapist?

People often ask me what it means to be an integrative existential therapist and how it differs from other forms of therapy. The most important thing to consider when choosing a therapist, however, is not the fancy title of the form of therapy delivered, but the relationship you can make with the therapist. Can you form a connection with that person? Do you think you can relate to them? Do you think you can trust them with your innermost feelings? birds-in-flight

These are not easy questions to answer until you have met your therapist and acquired a sense of the relationship between you. You have to trust your inner feelings and intuition as to whether you feel you can work with your therapist and whether their skills and way of looking at the world will help you overcome whatever difficulties you wish to face when engaging in psychotherapy. That being said, how do you start in finding the right therapist for you? This brings us back to the way in which the therapist works, or their ‘modality’.  So what is an integrative existential therapist?

An integrative therapist is one who has trained in various modalities and will use the way of working that is right for you at any specific time. At times, you might need someone to listen and just let you tell your story. At other times, you might need someone to be more directive and give you practical skills to help you navigate life and work with your emotions and thoughts. At another point, you might need someone to challenge your own philosophy in life and help you find a better way of being and existing in the world. This takes us to the ‘existential’ part.

An existential therapist works with how you position yourself in the world and how you view the world and those around you. In existential therapy, you might want to face some of the bigger questions in life:

  • What is my purpose?
  • Why is there no meaning in my life?
  • Why do I feel so isolated and alone?
  • What is my relationship towards my own mortality?
  • How can I express my spiritual or religious feelings in a society that may not accommodate them?

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list, but these ‘big’ questions can be there in the background, giving us a sense of unease or disconnection from life. Facing these issues can be hugely rewarding and can impact all areas of our life, how we view the world around us and how we relate to others. This doesn’t mean that being in existential therapy is an intellectual pursuit where you sit around philosophising. Rather, it is about making a connection with your therapist that allows you to express your innermost feelings and to understand why you feel the way you do, and how you can make the changes to your life that you want to. It allows you to explore your life experiences openly and honestly and obtain a clearer sense of the meanings they may hold for you.

Dr Simon Cassar is an integrative existential therapist, trained in Person Centred Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), and Existential Psychotherapy.

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