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February 16, 2015 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy 1 Comment

Top Five Tips for Sleeping to Improve your Psychological Wellbeing

This morning I awoke after an awesome night’s sleep to read an article in The Guardian entitled ‘How Much Sleep Do I Need?‘  This article draws on data from The National Sleep Foundation in the USA who conducted a literature review of 320 research papers into how much sleep (quantity) we should all be getting.  The results (unsurprisingly) suggest that adults between 18 and 64 should be getting seven to nine hours for optimal mental and physical health and directly linked a lack of sleep to anxiety and depression.  And that is per night, not on average: in other words, we cannot ‘catch up on sleep’, we need to be sleeping the right amount every night.  There’s nothing to disagree with here, but the study failed to look at quality of sleep (whether sleep was unbroken), or the architecture of sleep (REM sleep and brain waves).

Last week I wrote a blog on how sleep is integral to good mental health and effective psychotherapy and here is the follow-up listing our top five tips for improving the quantity and quality of your sleep for better mental and emotional health.

Follow your Circadian Rhythms

We humans have evolved under a light-dark cycle (our circadian rhythm) and it has only been with the advent of electricity that this has fundamentally started to change and is increasingly changing.  Whilst I am not advocating you move to a cave and live by the light of a fire, there are certain things we can all easily do that will make a difference and reduce our experience of all living with mild jet-lag.

Electronic visual devices emit blue light which has been shown to have a strong detrimental effect on our body clocks (as it slows or stops the production of Melatonin).  In nature, blue light is emitted in the morning and then slowly dissipates throughout the day, disappearing at night.  By switching off the television, your laptop, tablet computer and smart phone a good hour before bed, you give your body a fighting chance to produce the sleep hormone Melatonin that in turn gives you a good night’s rest.

Additionally, engaging with thrillers on the television, video games on the console, or work emails on your tablet, activates your brain and increases your anxiety levels – the primitive brain does not know the difference between reality and virtual reality, so when we watch an axe murderer chasing an innocent high school kid through a creepy building on the television, our brain responds with increased Cortisol levels (stress hormone) and Adrenaline, just as if we were there is person: we become ready to be chased ourselves.  Neither chemical is conducive to sleep and both can leave us feeling anxious and restless.

 Calm your Mind

The most effective way to calm the mind (and our emotional system) is through the breath.  This is why we at Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy extol the virtues of meditation, or mindfulness in addition to good therapy.  A simple practice of spending five to ten minutes before getting into bed focusing on the breath brings us back into our body, calms our mind down and shifts us from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic nervous system – we physically calm right down.

A good routine is to sit in a chair away from distractions and close your eyes.  Breathe into your belly (imagine drawing your breath right down to below your belt line) for a count of around 5 seconds, breathing through your nose, pause for a second or two and then gently release all the air through your mouth for a count of 8 to 10 seconds, or whatever you can manage.  Find your personal rhythm.

Focus your mind on your breath and body and nothing else.  If thoughts pop up (and they will), simply come back to focusing on your breath and noticing if you are tensing your body anywhere and seeing if you can tell that part of your body to relax.

You can time your meditation or breathing exercise with an alarm, starting with five minutes and building up from there (though try not to use the alarm on your smart phone as otherwise you are being exposed to blue light).  Evidence shows that meditating for 20 minutes a day can dramatically alter our brains and our ability to manage stress and our emotions.

 Stick to a Routine

We humans are creatures of habit.  Setting a time to get to bed and sticking to it, can make a real difference.  Some researchers have suggested that there is a ‘sweet-spot’ between 10.30pm and 10.45pm when we are ideally primed to get to sleep.  Irrespective of whether this is true, researchers do generally agree that it is better to get to bed a little early, than to make up for a late night through sleeping in.

Anecdotal studies have shown that where humans are exposed to only natural light (and camp fires) they naturally feel tired much earlier in the evening and will rise closer to sunrise.

This does not mean you cannot have a late night out, but return to your habit the next night.

Change your Attitude – Sleep is for the strong!

Getting by on little sleep is, amongst some groups (and the late Margaret Thatcher), seen as a sign of strength and fortitude.  The reality is though, by ensuring that we get adequate sleep, we give ourselves an edge over those who don’t – mentally and physically and we are significantly more resilient against stress.  Plus, we are future proofing our bodies against some chronic illnesses.  Eight hours should not be a luxury, it should be a given and evidence you are caring for and about yourself.

Those of us who push ourselves hard and manage our lives with the latest gadgets and gizmos don’t think twice about getting the latest upgraded phone or servicing our performance car so that it does not let us down.  Sleep is the human equivalent of an upgrade and a service: our glial cells work through the night to clear away the toxins that have accumulated in the brain during the day.  It is therefore a high performance habit!

 Remove Stimulants

We all know that caffeine before bed disrupts sleep.  But ideally, we should not be eating or drinking very much at all before bed, with the exception of water.  Our body and brain needs to partially shut down during sleep, but if your gut is busy digesting a large meal you wolfed down after a late evening in the office, then it is not resting: it is working.

Consider limiting your intake of sugar (including fructose) before bed as this causes an insulin spike and can leave you feeling energised at the wrong time, somewhat anxious and is simply not good for your body – the sugar will be stored as fat.

Drinking alcohol may enable us to feel less socially inhibited, but is also a depressant and raises anxiety levels and stops us entering into a deep sleep state through interrupting our sleep cycle and thus our ability to enter into deeper brain wave states (more on this in a future blog).

In Summary

Find what works for you by getting curious about how best to maximise the potential of your body and mind through sleep.  Try avoiding certain drinks and foods and not eating a few hours before bedtime; try picking up an old-fashioned book and heading off to bed in lieu of watching the late news or replying to your boss; try keeping a sleep journal and approach sleep scientifically.

And if all this sounds boring, consider this: Sigmund Freud called dreams the ‘royal road to the unconscious’.  By hacking your sleep, you may find that the most exhilarating movie you can watch, is the one playing out in your dreams and that it also gives you an insight into who you are and what you may want and need.  As a psychotherapist I consider myself a ‘psychonaut’, meaning that I live to explore my own and your inner world.  And it is better than any movie or video game!

By implementing one or all of the above 5 top tips, you will find it easier to both improve the quantity and quality of your sleep.  And then you can build on this solid foundation through being able to attend to your psychological and emotional needs with a clear mind and calmer emotional system.

Mark Vahrmeyer

Image Credit: Mark Vahrmeyer

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Filed Under: Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, Mark Vahrmeyer, Psychotherapy

January 26, 2015 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Psychotherapy is great, but it is not enough…

This may seem like a strange article title for a psychotherapist to concoct.  And a strange title to post as a blog on a site promoting psychotherapy.  But there is a paradox at play here: as psychotherapists, Sam Jahara and myself believe in psychological and emotional change leading to tangible life changes.  It is something we are passionate about and as such, we know that psychotherapy is a huge conduit to this change.  But, in and of itself, psychotherapy is not enough: sitting in a room for an hour a week and then continuing to live life in the same way does not lead to change.

Talking therapy, in its many guises, is often referred to as the ‘impossible profession’ amongst those in the know.  This is because we work with difficult emotional and psychological material and in order to help clients reach the change they so want, we cannot be overly invested in that change (another paradox).  No matter how much pain a client is in, we need to work with them to facilitate a space, an environment and a mental ability to imagine that change and then move towards it of their own accord.  This is not easy, but the client has it far tougher.  In essence it is the process of helping clients bring their mind ‘online’ after trauma or overwhelm, so that they can make choices about how much change they wish to make.

Whether couched as depression, anger management, stress, addictions or any other mental heatlh label, the change needs to come from the inner resources of the client.  Psychotherapy can have a profound effect of helping build up these resources.  But, it is how the client carries the process of change forward in their life that makes all the difference.

An hour of therapy a week can give clients a taste of calm – of being present to their own minds in the presence of another, which then translates as a very real felt experience, one that they can then start to use outside of therapy.  Research in the fields of affect regulation (managing our emotions) and neuroscience is showing the relevance and importance of relational therapy to long-term psychological change.  And increasingly the mind and brain are being seen as part of the same emotional system.  Thus, psychological change equals emotional change.  And emotional change is defined by the ability to feel emotions without shutting down, or becoming overwhelmed.

The days of talking therapy consisting of the therapist as a blank screen and the client simply ‘free associating’ are, thankfully, becoming less and less of what is seen to constitute effective psychotherapy.  Backed by developments in neuroscience and the benefits of an integrated mind – body connection, we believe that therapy, and thus change, should equip clients to move towards long-term change through the use of a wide range of life changing strategies.  These include incorporating the body into the therapeutic process though awareness and more direct interventions, neurofeedback, bio-hacking, self development, mindfulness and meditation as a daily practice, exercise, nutrition and any other process that enables clients to become more familiar with their minds, their needs and being present to what they are experiencing in their body, moment by moment.

Keep an eye out for blogs coming up in the future when some of the above topics will be considered in more detail and we share with you how we believe these different techniques perfectly complement therapy.

Mark Vahrmeyer

Image credit: Mark Vahrmeyer

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Filed Under: Mark Vahrmeyer, Mental health, Psychotherapy

January 19, 2015 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Coping with the modern world (or not)

I came across a fascinating article in The Guardian this morning entitled ‘Why the Modern World is Bad for your Brain’, by Daniel J Levitan, discussing the effects on our brain (and therefore on us) of juggling many tasks, activities and external inputs all at the same time.

The modern world, often referred to as the technological or globalised world, is characterised by us being able to work and play whenever and wherever we want.  We can hot desk, work from home, from the airport, the train, we can outsource to timezones halfway across the globe who ensure our output keeps on churning away; and we can catch up with ‘friends’ all over the world in between working, plan our weekends, book cinema tickets, order our shopping and book the next yoga class without missing a beat.  Aren’t we efficient!

Well neuroscience is now catching up with what many of us have known for some time, that rather than us being on top of things, they are, in fact, on top of us and we are more akin to hamsters on a wheel than the well organised multi-taskers we imagine ourselves to be.

Levitan in his article suggests that the same parts of the brain linked to addiction fire when we are trying to stay on top of our lives in the modern world.  The sense of accomplishment we feel when we are responding to incoming emails, texts or other never ending demands on our time, we get a serving of reward hormones – much like a gambler or cocaine addict.  What’s wrong with this?  Well, there is always a price to pay and the price is that we are constantly in a state of stress anticipating the next email and trying to work out whether we need to act or not – we are living in uncertainty.  As a result, we therefore also live with an unhealthy serving of cortisol – the stress hormone.

One of the main issues with the modern world seems to be the unpredictable nature of it.  Emails come in at any time of day or night.  Add into this mix the other methods of modern communication and our attention is constantly being taken away from focusing on one task, from utilising our brains to their full capacity and savouring the experience of losing ourselves in a complex task, dinner with a loved one or simply a beautiful sunset.

The main challenge in our manic world seems to be to slow down: to get in touch with our emotions, engage our mammalian brain (rather than the reptilian limbic system where the pleasure centre resides) and to slow down.  De-escalate things, bring our stress levels down and work out what we need rather than responding constantly to the demands of others epitomised by incoming electronic stressors.

Psychotherapy is a way of slowing down.  It is not the only way, but it can provide a valuable sanctuary from the constant demands of life and a space to get curious about where our interest goes when we slow things down and inhabit our bodies.

The Guardian: Why the Modern World is Bad for your Brain

Image credit: Mark Vahrmeyer

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Filed Under: Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, Mark Vahrmeyer, Society

November 25, 2014 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Surely one glass can’t hurt…

Recently I read a piece in a newspaper on how the numbers of women being caught driving whilst over the legal limit of blood alcohol has doubled over the past 15 years.  The article went on to say that 17% of female motorists believed that they may have driven whilst over the limit in the past 12 months, some whilst ferrying their kids around.

Whilst driving whilst over the limit is a serious offence and carries significant risks across the board, this piece got me thinking about how the use of alcohol has increasingly been normalised amongst women during the past 20 years.  Being drunk or using (abusing) alcohol on a regular basis was once the domain of men but a significant social shift has taken place whereby women are now increasingly reliant on alcohol to get through their days.  There is no one reason for this social change – alcohol manufacturers have been increasingly targeting women; the rise of online shopping meaning alcohol can be discreetly delivered to our front door rather than having to be bought in an off-licence; the ‘ladette’ culture of the ‘90’s; social isolation of mothers – these factors have no doubt all played a role.  However, what these factors fail to identify is what women are feeling that is making them increasingly turn to alcohol.

The latter is a complicated question, but perhaps the answer lies less in identifying what female drinkers are feeling specifically (as to do so would be a sexist generalisation) and more in why they feel the need to escape from what they are feeling.  And this question, in turn, perhaps removes the gender gap between the sexes and may suggest that women are feeling a lot of what men are.  True, society has changed, equality means it is increasingly acceptable for women to drink, alcohol can be procured through the anonymity of the internet, but like with any dependence (addiction), it is not the ease of procurement or social acceptability that defines how many people succumb to feeling reliant of that behaviour of substance.  This is the basis of modern addiction work – stop focusing the substance or behaviour and get curious about what is so unbearable to feel.

Addiction is a communication about how we are struggling to cope beneath the surface.  It is a way of ‘killing off’ uncomfortable feelings and questions that we are posing ourselves that we would rather not face.  Often we feel (and social isolation contributes to this) that there is something wrong with us for feeling the way we do – that we are alone in our experience.  Whether the aloneness is about feeling dissatisfied with family life, our careers, our relationship or, the ultimate taboo for women, in being a mother, these feelings can be unbearable and alcohol can creep in as a crutch; once we realise that it has become the problem, it is too late.

Counselling and psychotherapy can be enormously helpful in helping to both manage or break an addiction and in constructing a narrative for difficult emotions.  It can help us feel normal in our experience and open up new ways of processing what we are feeling, seeking more constructive avenues of support and in making uncomfortable but necessary changes in our life.  We are increasingly told how we are supposed to live, what we are supposed to buy and how we are supposed to feel by consumer culture.  The problem in this is two-fold: we are all individuals and have an inherent knowledge of what we need and want leaving us feeling in conflict with how we should live versus our innate truth, secondly, to deviate from this prescribed model can leave us feeling tremendously isolated and wrong as there is no space for our personal experience.

At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy we are experienced at working with a dependence on alcohol.  We take a non-judgemental approach and will work with you to understand what is driving this behaviour to enable you to take charge of your life once again.  For more information please contact Mark Vahrmeyer, Sam Jahara or one of our skilled associates who will be happy to assist.

References:

Number of women drink-driving doubles in recent years

Women driving while over the alcohol limit targeted in Christmas campaign

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Filed Under: Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, Mark Vahrmeyer, Mental health

November 10, 2014 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Porn Addiction: the crack cocaine of sex addiction

Addiction is most commonly associated with becoming reliant of a substance, such as alcohol or drugs, however behavioural addictions have more recently become recognised not only as genuine mental health disorders but as equally responsible as substance addictions for mental and emotional suffering.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the ‘bible’ on mental health disorders, recently released their latest publication which included a new section on behavioural addictions and whilst pornography addiction is not specifically named as a disorder in its own right, it is named as a subset of other disorders.

Evidence is mounting regarding the addictive nature of pornography and its effect on the brain and subsequent effects on relationships and social interaction.  The issue seems to be strongly connected with the rise of the internet and specifically, high-speed access coupled with free sexual content.

Why is internet pornography so addictive?  Two reasons: we are wired to pursue activities and behaviours for our survival such as food, love, friendship, novelty and sex; we are wired to respond to novelty and the world of internet pornography offers infinite novelty.  The driver behind these two main factors is in turn a powerful neurotransmitter – dopamine.  Dopamine, often referred to as the pleasure molecule, is more accurately described as a seeking or desiring molecule.  In other words, the behaviour of engaging with virtual sexual encounter after virtual sexual encounter through the internet causes surges in dopamine: in short – we become addicted to these dopamine surges and become primed to seek them out.

Alcohol and cocaine are common dopamine raising substances and their effect on our dopamine and thus as addictive substances are well documented.  However, when exposed to these substances, only around 10-15% of individuals become addicted.  Research is now suggesting that this is because our reward circuitry did not evolve to specifically seek out drugs or alcohol.  It did, however, evolve to seek out natural rewards essential to our survival, one of which is sex.  And the primitive brain cannot tell the difference between a virtual sex partner, or a real-life in-the-flesh partner – it simply responds with more dopamine.

A parallel that illustrates the problem can be seen with the fact that around 75% of Americans are clinically obese and type 2 diabetes rates are soaring – a trend replicated in the UK.  In short, we are driven to seek out food and the high-sugar, high-fat diet of the modern western world provides us with a brief but intense rush of dopamine each time we indulge.  Comparing the statistic between food addiction and substance addiction are frightening – they suggest a much higher susceptibility to becoming addicted to food.  And researchers are now suggesting the same is true when it comes to sex and specifically internet pornography, as it functions much like highly available sugary and fatty snacks.  It is the crack-cocaine of sex addiction.

And the effects of porn addiction?  Well, the early indications are that frequent use of pornography, particularly high-speed internet pornography, can lead to depression, increased anxiety levels and erectile dysfunction in men.  The long-term damage has yet to be fully comprehended but a whole generation is now growing up exposed to levels of graphic pornography like never before.

For support with managing your porn addiction or for psychotherapy in relation to this issue, please contact Mark Vahrmeyer for more information.

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Filed Under: Mark Vahrmeyer, Psychotherapy

July 25, 2014 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Forgetting how to feel

In May I wrote a blog entitled ‘What happened to a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down‘, wherein I drew an analogy between society’s addiction to sugar, and our need for immediate gratification and constant stimulus in daily life.  It was therefore with interest, fascination and sadness that I this an article originating from The Washington Post entitled ‘Men would rather shock themselves than be alone with their thoughts‘.  Whilst the title of the article leaves little to the imagination, the content was fascinating as to understanding why.

 Researchers in a joint university study in America, set up an experiment whereby participants would be asked to sit in a room for between six and 15 minutes with only their thoughts for company.  Most found this task-less task extremely difficult and resorted to cheating by using their smart phones or reading.  The researchers then introduced the option of participants being able to administer a shock to themselves, to see whether the participants would prefer a negative stimulation to their perceived boredom.  The researchers expected none would.  They were wrong.   In fact, one-third of women and two-thirds of men preferred to shock themselves than to face the inner world of their thoughts, feelings and sensations.

 The focus of the study’s was to consider any correlation between external distractions, such as social media, and creativity.  However, upon reading this article, I became interested in how our increasing ability to feed our innate need for external stimulus from the discomfort of being in the world – our universal human condition – is perhaps actually dehumanising us.  That the very anxiety and discomfort we try and escape from, is what in turn serves to define us as human beings and know ourselves.

 Why, you may ask, should we ever choose anxiety and discomfort over an exciting pleasant sensory experience?  Well, for one, getting in touch with what we are sensing, feeling, seeing, thinking and imagining is really what lets us know ‘I am alive and in my body!’.  This biological and environmental feedback via our felt and sensed experience – through our body and mind – can also inform us of important things such as our wants, needs and general state of being in that very moment.  But, it will also bring up anxiety, something which existentialists have argued for millennia, is the price we must pay for being conscious self aware animals.

 To escape from our feelings, is to escape from ourselves.  It reinforces the Cartesian dualism, or split, born out of René Descartes philosophy emphasised by his now (in)famous statement ‘Cogito Ergo Sum’ – ‘I think therefore I am’.  This reductionist position places our body in the role of effectively being a transport vehicle for our brains and having no real bearing on being a feedback system providing us with its own data we exist.  However, this recent experiment seems to suggest that we are increasingly unable to be even in our own minds, alone with the solitude of our own thoughts.  Paradoxically, the discomfort of having no outside stimulation then leads some women (a third) and the majority of men (two-thirds), to seek out pain as an escape from their inner experience.  And this pain is physical rooting them, momentarily at least, back in their bodies.  But, I also wonder what other symbolical gesture it may be?

 I am drawn to a rather old (by modern standards) take on how our need for constant stimulus is eroding our humanness, or our capacity to bear our humanness and it comes from the great existential philosopher Martin Heidegger.  In ‘The Question Concerning Technology’ (1954), Heidegger concerned himself with the dehumanisation of society and the ‘darkening of the world’ through the infiltration of our existence by technology that distorts our actions and aspirations on a fundamental level.  Heidegger was not preempting the arrival of tablet computers or games consoles specifically, but was referring to how a more technological way of ‘being in the world’, whereby how we experience what we want and express what we do, become mere symbols of our deeper human need that is increasingly inaccessible to us.  So, what need do those poor research participants have that they express as choosing an electric shock (in one case a participant shocked himself 190 times in 15 minutes)?  As a psychotherapist I would suggest they want to have genuine empathic contact both with themselves and with with the outside world and to know how to feel and bear it.  But, they have lost the ability to do so and thus pain becomes the next best thing – a symbolic gesture that stimulates, but provides no real relief or contact.  And how ironic that the pain should be administered to them through technology.

Mark Vahrmeyer

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Filed Under: Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, Mark Vahrmeyer

May 22, 2014 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

What Happened to a Spoonful of Sugar to Help the Medicine go Down?

Most of us of a certain age will remember watching Mary Poppins as children; indeed the 1964 Disney film continues to occasionally grace our screens, usually around Christmas and at a less-than-prime viewing slot. Even for those of us whose memories of the film have faded, we probably remember the leitmotif of the film: Mary Poppins’ ‘A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine go Down’. In the film Mary signs the song to Matthew and Jane, the two children for whom she is a governess, with a view to teaching them an important lesson: even though they are to clean their rooms, a task they understandably find less than enjoyable, it is a job that can still be rendered meaningful, even fun, when approached with the correct attitude.

Fast forward to 2014 and not a day goes past that sugar – and our dietary consumption of it – are not being vilified by the media. We are constantly being told to limit our intake of sugar and that of our children; this despite being paradoxically and perversely bombarded by Big Food Corporates encouraging us to buy their food, whose primarily nutritional ingredient seems to be this very feared white substance. Sugar is now the fat of the nineties and arguably significantly more deadly.

What has all this got to do with psychotherapy? Well, it depends on what you consider psychotherapy to be. Few psychotherapists will agree exactly as to the primary objective – the holy grail – of what psychotherapy is actually for. However, once you cut through the differences, the similarities are not so far apart. Arguably, the role of psychotherapy is to help clients find more bearable ways of carrying their losses: it is not to eradicate or distract us from those losses.

Losses are present in every moment of our lives. Like Matthew and Jane listening to Mary Poppins extol the virtues of finding fun and meaning in a seemingly mundane task, the loss for them was not engaging with more immediately gratifying options promising them a warming comforting spike of dopamine or adrenaline. Much like what happens to us when we consume sugar.

In ancient Greece it was Socrates who suggested that ‘the unexamined life was not worth living’. He did not say that the sad life; the loss laden life; the mundane life, the life where we have to clean our room, ad-infinitum, was not worth living. People coming to talk to a psychotherapist, irrespective of their presenting issues, have come to talk about their lives and to think about how they can live them in a way that becomes more bearable; to work out what their spoonful of sugar could be, that can make their life – the medicine – more bearable.

The challenge for us all is in finding ways to recognise that we are all addicted to sugar: life has gone from being, at best, sugar coated, to one consisting of one-hit followed by another of pure unadulterated sugar streaming not only into our mouths, but our eyes, our emotions and into our brains. Modern life has turned us into junkies, we crave, seek and focus on that next hit without pausing for thought. We are connected 24 hours a day: news, social media, gaming, on-demand films and television, not to mention the perils of online porn and online gambling; the latter two often considered the ‘crack-cocaine’ of behavioural addiction. Mobile phones now have more applications to connect us than most entire households had 20 years ago. Yet paradoxically, we are also more disconnected than ever before: from each other and from ourselves.

We are constantly being bombarded to want more, need more, be more, have more, consume more, and ‘live’ more. ‘Sugar’ is dolled out to us from every angle and we crave more and more of it to try and appease the gnawing void of existential anxiety within us. How then, to slow down? To remove the virtual intravenous drip of sugar keeping us drugged up and ‘happy’ and to start to get in touch with reality; we can’t have it all – decisions are expensive as one decision precludes the alternatives and because everything ends. Like any addict knows, you can only keep the uncomfortable feelings at bay for a while; eventually, they will surface requiring the next hit.

Kleinians talk of therapy aiding clients in moving from the ‘paranoid-schizoid position’ to the ‘depressive position’. It is this that I believe we all need to try and do if we are to start to find constructive ways of finding life meaningful; to breathe through the mundanity and everyday difficulties that comprise being a human being. Perhaps this is what Mary Poppins may have been alluding to with her song; how can slowing down, breathing, feeling, help us sugar coat each moment and accept the medicine that is life? Perhaps therapy is about supporting us, teaching us to do this for ourselves, in removing the IV drip that keeps us tranquillised yet anxious whereby we desperately try to avoid any uncomfortable sensation that may arise, and instead learn to trust our own emotional process and build upon our resilience. It is this, I am sure, that Socrates would have agreed, is the correct attitude and that constitutes the examined life.

Mark Vahrmeyer

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Filed Under: Mark Vahrmeyer, Mental health, Psychotherapy

January 31, 2014 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Sex and Porn – Is addiction just an excuse?

The topic of sex and porn addiction is one that is hotly debated in the media at present.  It is also one that is hotly debated amongst psychologists/psychotherapists.  But is it really an addiction?  First off, perhaps part of the problem lies in the interchangeable use of the two terms: lay and professionals often refer to a porn addiction, as a sex addiction (although not the other way around), but is this actually correct?  And does it matter? [Read more…]

Filed Under: Mark Vahrmeyer, Psychotherapy, Relationships

January 24, 2014 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy 1 Comment

Relationship Issues

Apparently January is the month when more couples file for divorce than any other.  The reason given for this?  After what is often a stressful festive period, couples spending extra time together suddenly realise that they don’t have nearly as much in common as they once did.  Whilst this may well be true, I wonder if there is more to this story than meets the eye.

Being in a relationship is hard.  There are no ifs and buts about it.  There is no such thing as the fairytale relationship.  There are plenty of reasons for this but some of the most credible come from anthropological and neuroscience studies which support each other in suggesting that the things that bring us together and then keep us together are different.  And those differences are largely down to the different chemicals our brains emit during those processes – dopamine vs oxytocin.

Add to the mix the paradigm shifts in the place relationships take in modern life vs that of our distant and much more recent ancestors and we can get a real sense of why life-long pair-bonding (or even long-term monogamy) is a challenge.  Consider for instance that marriage has only relatively recently – the last couple of hundred years – become an institution based on romance.  As odd as this may seem, this was never the case and marriage has a much longer history of being associated with financial gain, land rights, lineage, convenience and convention.  It was generally assumed that the role of marriage was not one of romance or passion.

From an anthropological perspective us humans are also living significantly longer than we did only a couple of hundred years ago.  How does this apply to relationships?  Well with a lifespan of perhaps forty of fifty years, we would live just about long enough to raise kids.  Now we can potentially be with the same person for 40, 50 or 60 years.

Lastly there have been significant changes to how we live in terms of community.  Few of us now belong to tribes or live communally with our families.  For many of us, we are geographically distanced from many in our families and no longer part of strong local communities.  This puts further pressure on our primary relationships to meet all our needs.

Relationship, couple or marriage counselling can be an extremely beneficial environment in which to explore how we can find our own way to balance our need for excitement and novelty with our need for safety and security, within the context of a single romantic relationship.  Contrary to what many people think, couple counselling does not mark the end of a relationship, but can in fact be a conduit to a new beginning.

Perhaps the best definition of a perfect marriage or relationship is one that I came across as a virtual bumper sticker which read ‘a perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other’.

Mark Vahrmeyer

 

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Filed Under: Gender, Mark Vahrmeyer, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Sexuality Tagged With: Relationship Counselling, Relationships

January 10, 2014 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Anxiety

Anxiety is a common psychological term and one that has entered cultural lexicon of daily life: if we are anxious, we all focus on what we can do to reduce our anxiety – as if anxiety is an externally generated condition that has descended upon us.  Let’s be clear: anxiety is unpleasant and uncomfortable and can at times become overwhelming.  This is not the type of anxiety I am thinking about.  What I am considering is a more pervasive, universal anxiety that perhaps we have forgotten how to understand and think about: anxiety of being human.

The parallel vocations of existential philosophy and psychotherapy have much to say about anxiety, its ubiquity to humanity and its causes.  In short, the anxiety of being that gnaws away at us all is the price we pay for our consciousness and what is it that our consciousness is aware of that essentially generates our anxiety? Death.

Irvin Yalom, the Godfather of American existential psychotherapy has much to say about death anxiety and death denial and their links to anxiety.  He suggests that us humans (unlike our animal cousins), have a belief that we have an exemption from the natural law that is the foundation stone of all life and that this essentially underlies many aspects of our behaviour essentially rendering us inauthentic.  I think that what Yalom is essentially trying to tell us here is that there is no escaping death and that rather than constructing elaborate defence mechanisms that serve to convince us we are exempt from the laws of nature, it would serve us well to embrace the concept of death, however terrifying, and live ‘authentically’.  In Yalom’s own words; ‘a denial of death at any level is a denial of one’s basic nature and begets an increasingly pervasive restriction on awareness of experience’ (p32, Existential Psychotherapy).

How can we do this?  Well, in short through investing in meaning making structures.  However, once again we have a problem.  We live in a technological world dominated by science.  Much of the myth of the world – the ways, means and stories – by which we created and invested in meaning in the world, have been eroded by science.  Not all of this myth erosion is bad – we no longer burn witches, for example – however, I would contend that as a species we collectively struggle to find meaning in an increasingly technical world.  Joseph Campbell, the American mythologist, writer and lecturer summed this up in stating that the world was changing too fast for us to cultivate and sustain mythology. And the price we pay for this lack of prescribed mythology – it brings death nearer to us and without the shielding power of myth, we are rendered increasingly anxious.

Mark Vahrmeyer

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Filed Under: Mark Vahrmeyer, Mental health, Psychotherapy Tagged With: anxiety

December 28, 2013 by Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy Leave a Comment

Energy Psychotherapy

The concept of energy psychotherapy may be unfamiliar to most and easily dismissed as something ‘new age’ sounding.  However, in reality, working with body energy to heal trauma is neither a new concept, nor one that is apart from mainstream clinical psychotherapy.

First off, what is energy psychotherapy?  In brief, it is a directive method of working with the mind and body simultaneously with the goal of healing blockages caused by traumatic experiences.  It is referred to as energy psychotherapy as the parts of the body where trauma gets ‘stuck’ or blocked are the energy circuits referred to in Chinese medicine – meridians and in Hinduism – chakras.

So what exactly is trauma and how does it affect us?  Trauma is defined as being damage to an individual’s psyche which comes about from a severely distressing event.  Trauma can be a single event, or a repeated or enduring event but what they all have in common is that the individual’s ability to cope – to process and make sense of the experience – is completely overwhelmed.  The problem with trauma is that until it is resolved, it tends to repeat itself either through a direct re-experiencing of the original traumatic event, or through more psychosomatic symptoms such as panic attacks, insomnia and anxiety.  In short, trauma can be debilitating.

In traditional psychotherapy, it is only the mind and emotional system that gets activated.  In energy psychotherapy, the mind, emotional system, body and energy system are all activated which can lead to significant resolution of trauma in a relatively short period of time.  The NHS currently endorses psychological treatments derived from more complex theories of energy psychotherapy with good results.  These include EMDR, EFT and TFT.  However, whilst each of these approaches can be helpful, none are as profound a way of working to systematically clear trauma as energy psychotherapy.

Energy psychotherapy, in the form of AIT – Advanced Integrative Therapy – is offered through Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy.  AIT is a method of working available solely to clinical psychologists and psychotherapists, which is non-intrusive and gentle.  It has been shown to both greatly reduce trauma related symptoms and help resolve the deeply seated unconscious trauma that is triggering these symptoms.

Mark Vahrmeyer

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Filed Under: Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, Mark Vahrmeyer, Mental health, Psychotherapy Tagged With: Advanced Integrative Therapy, Energy Psychotherapy, Trauma

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