Sex and Porn – Is addiction just an excuse?

The topic of sex and porn addiction is one that is hotly debated in the media at present.  It is also one that is hotly debated amongst psychologists/psychotherapists.  But is it really an addiction?  First off, perhaps part of the problem lies in the interchangeable use of the two terms: lay and professionals often refer to a porn addiction, as a sex addiction (although not the other way around), but is this actually correct?  And does it matter?

When we refer to ‘addiction’ it is often assumed that this must comprise a substance dependence, as in the classic case of alcohol or drugs (of all kinds – not just illegal substances).  However, this is in fact erroneous.  As well as the chemical aspect that does comprise addiction, an addiction can also be a pathological pursuit of an external stimulus which leads to some form of reward or illusion of reward.  Behaviourally, it is behaviour that cannot be controlled and thus the addict is at the mercy of their addiction.

There is a fine line (and a whole bunch of semantics) between behavioural addiction and compulsion.  What’s the difference?  A compulsion is equally unpleasant, but driven not by reward, but by an obsessive focus on avoiding internal feelings.  The compulsion is rarely to never related directly to the uncomfortable feelings, but acts as a barrier to stopping those feelings from being felt.  In many ways this is similar to addiction, as are the foundations in childhood that lay down the compulsive or addictive defence strategy that the unconscious uses in later life.  One way of considering the difference is to look at the chemical response that the addict’s brain receives from addictive behaviour, versus that of someone engaging in compulsive behaviour.  Addictive behaviour elicits a powerful neurological response which can be tracked using an MRI scanner (https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/cambridge-university-brain-scans-find-porn-addiction).  These brain responses would suggest actual physical brain changes in the brain of the addict, irrespective of whether they are dependent on an addictive substance or on a behaviour: the effect on the brain is the same.

Now, not all of us can access an MRI scanner to check whether we have an addiction, a compulsion or neither of the above.  This is where our subjective experience comes heavily into play: if our behaviour is causing us concern or risk, is out of control, is impacting on our life and we cannot abstain from it as we need the reward (whatever that may be) then it may be an addiction.

Returning to sex and porn addiction and whether they are the same – I would suggest it is not that simple.  Studies are showing that increasing numbers (predominantly males) are showing signs of porn addiction.  This means that they are favouring virtual relationships with pixels over the real thing, their behaviour is affecting their moods and they cannot stop.  Porn addiction seems to be heavily on the increase.  Sex addiction less so, although there are indications that the former can lead to the latter.  Porn addiction is certainly a component of sex addiction, but in a very specific way.  What is most relevant about porn addiction is that it has developed as a result of the ease of accessibility of massive amounts of pornographic material, literally at the click of a finger.

Essentially our primitive brains are able to have (virtual) sex with literally hundreds of people at the click of a button.  This may provide some insight into why it is predominantly men who fall victim to porn addiction – men are genetically pre-programmed to have sex with as many women as possible.  The fact that these women (or men) are virtual in the porn world, makes no difference to our primitive brain.  And with this surge in sexual opportunity and enjoyment comes the massive release of chemicals in our brains that would normally only be released when we are having sex with a living breathing partner.  No wonder it can become addictive – porn has been termed the ‘crack cocaine’ of sex addiction, for this very reason.

Sex addiction, or sexually compulsive behaviour, may or may not include porn addiction; however, it is a far deeper and far more complex pathology.  In essence, sex addicts have learnt that the only way for them to get their needs met (non-sexual but intimate) is through sex.  Sex addiction can destroy lives and relationships, much like porn addiction, but is more likely the result of a fundamental attachment disruption in early life.  In other words, in order to heal, sex addicts will need to learn to establish a completely new way of relating to themselves and to those in the world around them.  Porn addicts may need to accomplish the same, or they may simply need to find a way to stop their destructive behaviour, withdraw from the loss of brain chemical dependency associated with porn use and things will resolve themselves.

Both porn addiction and sex addiction are treatable and psychotherapy is a core component of this treatment process as well as other tools such as Twelve Step programs and couple counselling.

Mark Vahrmeyer