Why the “perfect other” is never a person, and never love. Back in 2014 I wrote a piece entitled Porn addiction: the crack cocaine of sex addiction. I stand by what I wrote. Pornography, particularly in its modern forms, can hijack arousal, hollow out desire, and train the mind towards stimulation without relationship. But we…
Parenting is demanding. Most parents expect to feel tired, stretched, and occasionally overwhelmed. What many do not expect is a level of exhaustion that feels constant, emotionally draining, and hard to recover from, even with rest or time away. This experience is recognised in psychological research as parental burnout. It can feel like a character…
‘What Is ‘trauma dumping’? There is a phrase that has become increasingly present in recent years: ‘trauma dumping’. On the surface, it refers to the experience of sharing deeply personal experiences in a way that can feel abrupt or overwhelming, without checking in with or having faith in the listener. What lies beneath this term,…
Narcissism is one of those clinical terms that has escaped the consulting room and taken on a life of its own. Like many borrowed psychological ideas, it has been flattened. In popular culture, narcissism is routinely used as a moral verdict, a convenient label for a certain kind of person who is selfish, callous, entitled,…
Christmas can be an emotionally challenging and difficult time for many of us. There is such expectation on how Christmas ‘should’ be, yet like the weather, it often fails to deliver on the ‘winter wonderland’ scenes on the TV adverts. For so many of us our family experience often falls far short of the loving…
The relationship Psychotherapy is fundamentally an exploration of how we relate to ourselves and to others, and the client, therapist relationship is no different. The relationship that develops between client and therapist exists within contractual boundaries, but it is also about people being present and connected. There are moments of great attunement in which the…
At the heart of every relationship lies a tension between safety and uncertainty. Safety allows us to let go of our worries and feel secure in ourselves and our relationships. But too much safety can make life feel flat and stuck. While uncertainty can keep us and our relationships feeling alive and open to growth,…
Having previously explored the compulsive use of pornography, I wanted to continue reflecting on what it’s like to work with clients who consider their use to be excessive. Should I talk about my therapy? A common question that arises is, ‘should I talk about my therapy’? Clients sometimes ask whether they should speak to their…
A foundational principle of depth therapy is that until mourned, the past is never truly past. It lives on in the present in our relationships shaping how we see others, how we see ourselves and in how others see us. In the consulting room, this process plays out much the same way as it does…
The formation of identity is never a solitary endeavour. From our earliest moments, we develop a sense of who we are through relationship—first with primary caregivers, then with siblings, peers, and the broader cultural world. Yet this process of coming to selfhood while remaining in relationship with others presents profound psychological challenges, particularly when differences…
Our early experiences can shape how we relate to ourselves and others in the present. Often, the survival strategies we developed in childhood can remain with us well into our adult life. One lesser-known but very important survival response is called ‘fawning’, and is often discussed in the context of the other well-known responses of…
The space between psychotherapy sessions is not empty. It is saturated with psychic material such as fantasy, frustration, longing and resistance. It is where the work reverberates, where the transference lives on, where the unconscious continues its motion. Yet increasingly, this space is being colonised by something that feels helpful: AI therapy. Apps that prompt,…