Family backgrounds and values From our earliest times, we absorb the emotional systems of our family environment. As we make our way in the world we take our families with us, internalised and manifesting consciously and unconsciously in many, if not all, aspects of our lives. While the societal and cultural context of the family…
Separation or divorce are painful, difficult and time consuming processes and more so where children are involved. Few couples manage to amicably separate and sadly, this applies to couples who have a child or children together too. Although it may seem obvious, my experience is that couples who are separating and have children often fail…
As psychotherapists, we have often been asked to provide anger management. Whilst we know some people need to control their anger to prevent destructive effects on themselves and their relationships, what was then called anger management mainly consisted of breathing and cognitive techniques to control their anger. Although this worked for a lot of people,…
It was a decade ago that was listening to the radio when I heard this line being spoken for the first time by a mother who was describing the time the police came to her house to enquire after certain pornographic material which had been downloaded using the family IP address. She described the early…
The considerable volume of writing on relationships is littered with metaphors to explore the intricate connections between people. Most frequent might be images of journeys (‘we had come to a crossroads – an obstacle’, ‘it always seems uphill’); of chemistry (‘I felt the spark had gone’; of sport (‘out of my league.’ ‘own goals’); even,…
How can an old parlour game help us reflect on the way we communicate? Quite a lot it would seem. Many of us will have played the game where we tap out the rhythm of a tune or song and ask our partner to guess the name of the piece. The challenge for the person…
Are you finding it hard to know if group therapy is what you need or want? Below, I outline a few of considerations that might be helpful when thinking about joining a group. Considering a Therapy Group? You may have had a group suggested to you or know someone who is in or has been…
Freud is an extraordinary and greatly misunderstood individual (and mental health practitioner). Many believe we have ‘evolved’ beyond his ‘outdated’ theories and indeed, there are views and theories of his that are no longer literally relevant. However, to dismiss him on this basis is myopic and superficial in that Freud’s writing has taken us to…
This particularly influences us during infancy, childhood and adolescence. These early experiences can be activated if they have led to the development of unhelpful defenses. The lack of attunement in parental relationships can result in an infant developing an unhealthy attachment style, divorced from reality in the form of fantasy or withdrawal and detachment. This…
This piece is part of a series offering thoughts on the experience of being in a therapy group. It may be helpful to read if you are thinking about joining a group or running groups or if you are already in a group. When I am discussing with someone about joining a group, a common…
In this blog I will briefly discuss avoidant attachment strategies and how what can look like independence is actually a sort of suit of armour designed to protect and hide a locked box of vulnerability and need, preventing mutual dependency and intimacy. The person who has developed the avoidant strategy has done so in order…
In this and other blogs I try and describe and discuss what it is like being in a therapy group. Here, I focus on the phenomenon of mirroring in groups which is an important group analytic concept, process, and experience. Mirroring and Early Development To understand why mirroring is important in any therapy, it is…