Winnicott’s radical insight: There is no such thing as a baby
Winnicott’s claim that “there is no such thing as a baby” is one of those deceptively simple psychoanalytic truths that resists being reduced to metaphor. He wasn’t being poetic. He meant it literally: there is no baby in isolation. There is always a baby and someone. A baby and a mother, a baby and a caregiver but always a baby and a mind that receives it.
The relational nature of the human mind
Winnicott’s insight destabilises the individualistic fantasies we carry into adult life. reminding us that the mind is not a closed system but a product of relationship. A mind emerges through and with another mind. To exist, we need to be held in another’s gaze, fed by another’s psyche, recognised by an other who precedes and survives us.
Implications for psychotherapy practice
This has radical implications for the practice of psychotherapy.
In my consulting room, I often encounter patients who believe the work of therapy is something they must do alone. They ask for tools, strategies, frameworks. They want insight without intimacy. As though the mind could be changed the way one tunes a machine.
The therapeutic relationship is the treatment
The unconscious does not respond to tools. It responds to presence. Just as the infant cannot form a self without the presence of a sufficiently attuned caregiver, the patient cannot reorganise the psyche without the presence of an attuned other. There is no such thing as a patient in isolation.
There is always a patient and a psychotherapist. Therapy is not introspection nor insight; it is a relationship.
The therapist as a real other
The psychotherapist is not a neutral technician applying treatment protocols to a disordered mind. The psychotherapist is a human subject who brings their whole being into the room: receptive, responsive, resilient. They offer a mind that the patient can borrow, use, even attack in order to become a person with a mind in their own right.
The patient must use the therapist
To say the patient must “use the therapist” is not a metaphor. It is the very core of psychoanalytic work. The patient tests the therapist’s reliability not through reasoned conversation but through enactment: will you still be here if I disappoint you? If I ignore you? If I rage at you? The psychotherapist’s role is to stay in their chair. To neither abandon or intrude upon the patient.
Internalisation and the capacity to be alone
Through surviving these tests, the therapist becomes internalised, not as a fantasy figure, but as a real object who has been experienced in the flesh. This internalisation is not immediate. It is slow, unpredictable and ultimately earned. It marks the transition from dependence to autonomy: the capacity to be alone, which Winnicott insisted could only develop through the experience of being with another. What a lovely and profound paradox!
The consulting room as a space for relational healing
In this way, the consulting room echoes the nursery. But it is not a regression. It is a re-doing of something that may never have happened the first time. A second chance at relational being.
Conclusion: A patient and a therapist
So no, there is no such thing as a patient.
There is only a patient and a therapist.
A mind with another mind.
And from that encounter, something new can be born.
Mark Vahrmeyer is a UKCP-registered psychotherapist working in private practice in Hove and Lewes, East Sussex. He is trained in relational psychotherapy and uses an integrative approach of psychodynamic, attachment and body psychotherapy to facilitate change with clients.
Further reading by Mark Vahrmeyer
How AI tools between therapy sessions are undermining the therapeutic relationship
Masochism and the Impossibility of Desire
Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Rare Trauma Response, Not a Social Trend
Why staying in your chair is the key to being a good psychotherapist
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