Therapist Archives - Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy

We are surrounded by promises of quick fixes and simple solutions to complex problems. If only there was a way to make life instantly better or make the pain go away quickly. Hence the popularity of drugs and other substances, both prescribed and illegal. Addictive behaviour is about instant gratification, a temporary fix to an ongoing problem. Cults promise absolution, enlightenment, ultimate bliss and freedom from suffering; Multilevel marketing schemes promise wealth, success and happiness in a short period of time; Dubious health and diet programmes want you to believe that you will look great instantly…and the list goes on.

What all of them have in common is the illusion of quick fixes and miracle cures, which preys on people’s insecurity and vulnerability. Gurus, religious leaders, charlatans and so-called ‘experts’, misuse their self-proclaimed powers and training to use, exploit and even abuse, whilst offering very little in return. They take advantage by keeping people dependent and in a constant state of wanting: a solution to their problems, instant gratification or a better future. The mental health field is also sadly riddled with those who proclaim to offer a quick solution to human suffering by claiming expertise and promising miracles, whilst criticising serious professionals who adopt a more realistic view and refrain from promises they can’t be certain to deliver.

Psychotherapy – based on evidence and reality.

Psychotherapy does not proclaim miracle cures or quick fixes. Instead, it is realistic about its advantages and limitations. We know that it takes time to get to know a new client/patient, and to find a way forward together. Psychotherapy is based on mutuality and dialogue, instead of expert opinion being imparted to a passive recipient. Psychotherapists encourage and empower the client’s knowledge and inner resources, as opposed to making them rely solely on external solutions. Credible psychotherapy is usually long-term and spaced at weekly or twice weekly intervals for consistency. There are no intensive workshops or compressed sessions, due to the tried-and-tested benefits of keeping a consistent rhythm and pacing treatment. There will be a degree of dependency from a client on their therapist, which is healthy and a normal part of the therapeutic process (or indeed of any significant relationship). However, the aim is to appropriately encourage a move towards autonomy and independence, with the internalisation of the therapeutic work done. This means clients eventually learn to become their own therapists and hopefully apply their learning in their daily lives when they are no longer in therapy.

Red Flags

I believe that anyone who proclaims they can cure human suffering quickly is being deceptive. Mental health is a serious matter, and credible professionals train for many years to be able to work in this rewarding and sensitive field. In addition to training, good professionals must have certain personal qualities to enable them to do this work. Namely, empathy, kindness, patience, curiosity, resilience, and an ability to stay grounded. We also must be able to think and feel deeply and help others do the same. Therapist and client must sit with quite a lot of uncertainty because psychotherapy isn’t a linear and tidy process, just as people’s lives aren’t.

This blog post was written by Sam Jahara, UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, Superviser and Co-founder of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy.

Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy is a collective of well trained, and experienced clinicians. Each of us have our own speciality and special interests. On our website you will find extensive content on some of the common types of issues that people seek therapy for, as well as the types of therapy that we offer. Our clinicians work on a long- or short-term basis depending on client need and type of therapy required.

To get in touch with us, please use the search function on our website.

Further reading by Sam Jahara

The psychological impact on children who grow up in cults

What psychological processes make us ‘choke under pressure’?

Having healthy conversations with men about the menopause

Finding contentment in the age of discontent

What causes low self esteem?

Therapy over the phone and in more recent years on video has been around for a long time, but since the recent pandemic it has become normalised with lots of online therapy platforms emerging and an abundance of “mental health” apps.

At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy we offer both face-to-face and online therapy, and whilst many people can benefit from the latter, this option is certainly not advisable for everyone. I would like to share some of what I have observed about psychotherapy conducted online from my own clinical experience, from supervising clinicians who work with clients online and from many exchanges with colleagues in the field, especially since the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic. Here are some considerations:

Doing therapy from the comfort of your own home x travelling to see your therapist

The journey to a therapist’s office is a part of the work itself, as long as it isn’t so arduous and exhausting that it becomes unsustainable. The intention and commitment to make the journey each week, the space to reflect, the checking in with self before entering the therapist’s office, arriving at a physical room and being greeted in, or waiting for your appointment, all are rituals that are a part of the process itself. There is also the journey after the appointment, which hopefully is long enough to allow some space to be with yourself before engaging in any other activity. Time poor people will argue that they can fit therapy into their day more easily if it’s done online, however one of the goals of therapy for some individuals could be to look at difficulties in prioritising personal needs, including making time for therapy appointments.

Choosing from a larger pool of therapists x choosing someone locally

Depending on where you live it may be easy or difficult to choose someone to work with. However, the very process of choosing is an important one. I compare some online directories or platforms to fast food. We live in a consumer-led culture where convenience is highly sought after. We want quick results because many of us are time poor, but consider that this is probably on of the most important choices you will make. Therefore, it is worth spending some time and effort choosing a therapist as it might determine the future state of your mental health and even your life.

People who are socially anxious can access help at home

Unless someone has a debilitating condition that keeps them housebound, in which case psychiatric care would be advised, colluding with or perpetuating the existing issue might be counter productive. Encouraging someone with social anxiety to venture out and travel to see a clinician face to face is a small step towards creating a relationship that is safe and manageable for the client, before they risk other forms of social engagements that go beyond the therapy room.

“ The therapist’s office is intimidating ”

Here is another great reason to explore why it is more difficult or intimidating to talk about yourself when faced with a therapist – a real person in the real world. Psychotherapy should enable and encourage people to have better relationships that are real. If the ease of talking more about yourself when you’re meeting someone online could be linked to difficulties forming and sustaining real relationships. Just as we see brilliant poets and writers who can barely utter a word when faced with a social situation, someone who is seemingly confident and capable of relating on the screen, can be very different in person.

Having said all the above, I remain an advocate of virtual sessions depending on the person and type of work. For instance, more cognitive and solution-focused approaches can work well online. Whereas in-depth psychotherapy which draws on unconscious processes is undoubtedly much better done in person. I would not recommend online therapy to those who struggle to maintain clear boundaries, feel easily emotionally overwhelmed, or are dealing with a range of complex psychological issues. People leading chaotic lives usually find it more containing to have the predictability of their therapist’s office environment. I also would not advise anyone training to become a psychotherapist to have their therapy online, and couples work can be difficult virtually, especially if the couple is in the middle of a lot of conflict.

This is not to say that good work can’t take place virtually, but we have to accept that there will always be a missing component and that the therapy will probably not achieve it’s full potential.

On our website you can find more information about our counselling and psychotherapy services and how to contact our team.

Sam Jahara is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, Clinical Superviser and Executive Coach. She works with individuals, couples and groups in Hove and Lewes.

There are no shortcuts to growth

Online therapy: good for some, but not everyone

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