From ‘the family’ to ‘the couple’ There has been a historical shift from ‘the family’ to ‘the couple’ as the central organising unit in contemporary life, with an emphasis on intimate connection. The ‘ideal’ couple of today are both friends and lovers immersed in a disclosing intimacy of mind and body. For previous generations, the…
Often, couples get into a loop where they employ unhelpful behavioural patterns (or survival strategies) to mask their vulnerability. This triggers a similar response in their partner, who then becomes defensive and so on. For example, one person may feel abandoned or rejected, becoming reactive and critical as a result. In response, their partner feels…
I have written in depth about the differences in counselling and psychotherapy – the work and the training of the clinician. So, for the sake of this blog, I will treat the terms as interchangeable, even though they employ vastly differing depths of work and skill. How does counselling work? This question often comes up…
Throughout history, the institution of marriage and our understanding and expectations of committed relationships have shifted with the socio-political and economic tides. Where once marriage was primarily an economic arrangement to maintain patriarchy and secure lineage, by the end of the 19th century, new id eas about romantic love were emerging. Whilst love was not…
The term ‘Boarding School Syndrome’ is one that was brought to public consciousness by Jungian analyst Professor Joy Schaverian around a decade ago. Since then, it has gained significant traction as a model for explaining the often seen experiences and symptoms of adults who were sent away to boarding school as children. Specifically, it is…
Freud once described psychotherapy as the “impossible profession.” To those who have not experienced it, psychotherapy can sound like a curious, mysterious, complex or even frightening endeavour. Using brief and simplistic explanations such as “talking to someone about your problems” to describe psychotherapy does not do it justice. At its best, psychotherapy is a process…
At a recent clinical supervision session in Lewes, my supervisor and I were discussing the realities of being in a long-term relationship. By long-term, we were thinking about decades, rather than months or years, and in this context, we were together considering what individuals must accept about a long-term relationship and thus about themselves. It…
In our last blog, I discussed the correlation between expressed anger and cardiac problems and repressed emotion and back/muscle pain in warring couples. The article gave some interesting insights into the correlation between couples who cannot fight healthily and the poor health they experience as a consequence. So should we avoid fighting? No, we need…
I write a lot about how the mind and body are connected and that our emotions originate in our bodies. I also write about how change happens through learning to be aware of our emotions and being able to feel them without becoming overwhelmed or needing to suppress them. Recently I came across a blog…
Alice Ayres Sitting on the Tube with a relatively new friend, I suddenly found myself feeling awkward in the middle of an anecdote. “And on a Thursday evening, I…I…” I cast a sideways glance at him. How would he react? Could I trust him not to judge me negatively? In the heat of the moment,…
This time of year can evoque a range of feelings in most of us. Whilst some of us may have a festive and positive outlook on Christmas and look forward to spending time with friends and family, for many it is a time filled with conflicting emotions. Some of us have difficult memories associated with…
Apparently January is the month when more couples file for divorce than any other. The reason given for this? After what is often a stressful festive period, couples spending extra time together suddenly realise that they don’t have nearly as much in common as they once did. Whilst this may well be true, I wonder…