It was a decade ago that was listening to the radio when I heard this line being spoken for the first time by a mother who was describing the time the police came to her house to enquire after certain pornographic material which had been downloaded using the family IP address. She described the early…
How can an old parlour game help us reflect on the way we communicate? Quite a lot it would seem. Many of us will have played the game where we tap out the rhythm of a tune or song and ask our partner to guess the name of the piece. The challenge for the person…
In this blog I will briefly discuss avoidant attachment strategies and how what can look like independence is actually a sort of suit of armour designed to protect and hide a locked box of vulnerability and need, preventing mutual dependency and intimacy. The person who has developed the avoidant strategy has done so in order…
“Why do we like the frantic, the unmastered?” Asks Virginia Woolf, in her diaries. This is a question I also return to time and time again as I look out to sea. Feeling the disquiet holds an edge of excitement for me, there is a thrill to its wild and unknown nature. For me there…
Our capacity for intimacy as adults is widely understood to be shaped by our early relational experiences. Theorists from diverse orientations emphasise the link between early attachment patterns and subsequent adult love relationships. When our formative experience is one of loving reciprocity with our caregivers, our abilities to give and receive love freely and fully…
I am writing a follow on from the wonderful blog written by Gerry Gilmartin back in August. 6 months on and here we are again, facing new Covid-related challenges with more restrictive measures in place, more infections and more deaths. The theme of Gerry’s blog revolves around fear and hope, and how to work with…
There is a lot of talk about how Covid-19 and the resulting lockdown cycles are causing a mental health crisis in the UK. This blog aims to unpack and list some of the reasons why the response to the pandemic is also causing a mental health epidemic amongst us. This year has been very hard…
We all have key figures in our lives, people who either held or hold great importance because of their positive impact on our professional and personal lives. They may have been people who we are either personally or professionally connected to, such as parents, siblings, friends, family members, or teachers, bosses, coaches, therapists and work…
What is the purpose of intimate relationships? This is a question I often ask couples who come to see me for couples therapy. Most cannot answer the question beyond the superficial. However, it is an important question to ponder: relationships are not easy for the most well-adjusted of us and so there has to be…
The exploration of sexual preference and fantasy in therapy can be a portal to our inner psychological landscape. Unlocking the unconscious logic of sexual fantasy is one way of casting a light on our internal world and of understanding the emotional and psychological difficulties that may have prompted us to seek therapy in the first…
What is Cancel Culture? This seemingly new trend is one of promoting the ‘cancellation’ of people, brands or television shows as a result of what some (the cancellers) perceive to be some form of offensive comment, remark, view or behaviour. It has surged on social media with various derogatory hashtags, notably #RIP. A recent high…
It is not comfortable being told that you are feeling the way you do because of your hormones. This kind of biological reductionism is not helpful to any gender but the extremely severe symptoms of Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder are completely aligned to the menstrual cycle. They manifest during the week before menstruation and end when…