On the face of it, these two words seem to have similar meanings, however, spontaneity is generally deemed a positive attribute whilst impulsivity a negative one. Why is this?
If we check how the dictionary defines the act of being spontaneous, it suggests that it is an adjective used to describe someone given to acting upon sudden impulses. The words ‘internal forces’ are also used as descriptors which would suggest that to act spontaneously is to act on the basis of something from within that is beyond our control – the unconscious perhaps?
And how about impulsivity? According to the dictionary this refers to an individual being swayed by emotion, or involuntary impulses. So, it would therefore seem, at least according to the dictionary, that these two words have very similar meanings. But that’s not the whole story.
In the world of depth psychology, we are interested in why people do what they do, and in the meaning of what they do, rather than necessarily the act itself. And, in depth psychology – and in particular psychoanalytic language – these words have vastly different meanings and give profound insight in the psychological maturity of an individual.
I have previously written about the human mind and how growing a mind is very much a function of becoming psychologically mature. A mind – whilst an abstraction in that it is a concept rather than an object – is an essential aspect of being a psychologically mature human. A mind is what enables us to mediate between thought and feeling and to make sense of our appetite. Appetite is an important word that we will come back to, as it is the key difference between spontaneity and impulsivity.
We all get urges, impulses, drives that we notice and then have different ways of responding to, if we have a mind. Because a mind enables us to consider the implications of an impulse, urge or drive and to map that against our sense of self, our values and our goals. This does not need to be a lengthy process and can often happen quite quickly, but it is a process. Spontaneity is born out of this process and thus becomes an expression of appetite – something we want that is a part of our desire.
Impulses do not get considered in the same way. They are reacted to rather than acted upon and that is a key difference. Many people who have reacted impulsively will often say ‘I have no idea why I did it’ and they are being completely honest about that – the process of thought and reflection did not enter into the mental equation.
In the world of understanding personalities, we often associate impulsivity with some of the more serious psychopathologies such as narcissism, psychopathy and in terms of character organisation, a borderline structure, which is the psychoanalytical understanding of the level of development between neurosis and psychosis.
It is interesting to me that lay language somehow reflects a psychological understanding of some degree of difference between spontaneity and impulsivity even if this is not defined in the dictionary. For example, nobody was ever called impulsive as a compliment!
We can never fully free ourselves from internal drives, and the unconscious can only become conscious to a degree, however, through depth psychotherapy we can learn, with the benefits of thinking alongside another mind, how to critically evaluate whether a ‘whim’ is an expression of appetite – our desire – or whether it is an impulse that cannot be thought about and considered.
Psychological maturity is about freedom from being driven by our unconscious process which in turn contains unresolved trauma. Once free and able to mentalise, that is to use our mind to weigh up something we feel like doing, we are free to express our spontaneity in the world.
Mark Vahrmeyer, UKCP Registered, BHP Co-founder is an integrative psychotherapist with a wide range of clinical experience from both the public and private sectors. He currently sees both individuals and couples, primarily for ongoing psychotherapy. Mark is available at the Lewes and Brighton & Hove Practices.
Further reading by Mark Vahrmeyer –
Don’t tear down psychological fences until you understand their purpose
How do I become more assertive?
I worked as a psychotherapist with death. Here’s what I learnt
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