We all have key figures in our lives, people who either held or hold great importance because of their positive impact on our professional and personal lives. They may have been people who we are either personally or professionally connected to, such as parents, siblings, friends, family members, or teachers, bosses, coaches, therapists and work…
I feel lucky to live and work in a place where I am in contact with people of diverse cultural backgrounds. Many seek me out as a therapist to talk about their personal struggles with cultural identity and belonging. Difference is something which is deeply felt in one’s skin and bones and living in a…
During the recent challenges brought about by Covid-19, we all had to make significant changes to our lives and adapt quickly to a new reality. This is also true for therapists and clients who shifted quickly from the safety and familiarity of their consulting rooms to video or telephone meetings. I would like to acknowledge…
Many self-employed psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors have immediately felt the economic impact of the crisis brought by Covid-19. As our clients began to either lose their jobs or face increasing economic uncertainty, many had to either put their sessions on hold or stop coming altogether. Many of us have either dropped our fees or continued…
Long-term Psychotherapy is all about leaving the family – not literally – but in the psychological sense. This is a much more complex process than it sounds. Why? Because it takes years of back and forth, and it is a journey which although slow, in my view essential for psychological health. If you were lucky…
Anyone who has been in psychotherapy proper will tell you that it can be hard work. First, you find yourself telling a complete stranger about the most intimate parts of your life. Things you may never have said out loud because they were too painful to admit, even to yourself. Then something unexpected happens. Many…
Imagine the following situation. A client comes to therapy because they are struggling with anxiety and a range of physical symptoms: heart palpitations, IBS, stomach pains, muscle tension. They want relief, understandably, and they are used to a solution-focused approach. They want answers. Quickly. I notice something happening inside me. I begin to feel rushed….
In this blog I share my view on how to work with a fictitious client. The “client” James, is a high achieving barrister in his mid-thirties presents with severe anxiety. He has recently started a new relationship and they are thinking of moving in together. Client background The “client” James, is a high achieving barrister…
Warning – This article contains spoilers for anyone who has not seen the movie Lady Bird. A critical success, this film about a mother and daughter relationship falls into the ‘coming of age’ genre, however it is also so much more than this in considering the systemic and unconscious processes at work that make…
The relationship between a psychotherapist and their supervisor is a very important one. Supervision is a vital place to reflect on clinical dilemmas, talk about professional issues and learn from someone more experienced. It can also be a self-care exercise. It feels good to talk to a trusted colleague about our work in a confidential…
Therapists, counsellors and anyone in the helping professions can appreciate both the rewards and hazards of their respective career choices. We can give people advice on how to care better for themselves, while at times not applying the same self-care principles to ourselves. At the worst, a lack of self-care can lead to burnout and…
Often, couples get into a loop where they employ unhelpful behavioural patterns (or survival strategies) to mask their vulnerability. This triggers a similar response in their partner, who then becomes defensive and so on. For example, one person may feel abandoned or rejected, becoming reactive and critical as a result. In response, their partner feels…