Trauma

My heart is racing and I feel constantly under threat,
even though there is nothing to fear.

Emotionally it is like I’m in a war zone, ready to defend or attack,
even though it’s peaceful here.

I look over my shoulder,
tense up with certain sounds.
I’m scared for my life
and for the life of those whom I love,
even though it’s safe here.

I want to be able to forget and relax,
I wish I could enjoy life more.
I long for my mind to be quieter
and to engage with the small pleasures in life.

I want to stay in my body
and not leave it behind

I wish I could think clearly,
love more,
fear less,
smile often,
play lots,
breathe…

I dream of the day when I will be free.

This poem is dedicated to all of those who live with the effects of past trauma everyday.

Sam Jahara