People often come to therapy who are struggling with their emotional sensitivity. Feeling things deeply, they can find living in the world a challenging and sometimes painful experience. The question ‘Am I too sensitive?’ can arise, along with a wish to be less sensitive. But can we be too sensitive?
Emotional sensitivity is a natural part of being human and everyone is sensitive to a certain degree, although the levels of sensitivity can vary from person to person. There are various ways in which sensitivity can manifest, such as feeling deeply about some experiences, being emotionally responsive to certain situations or having a heightened awareness of the emotions of others.
There can be quite a broad spectrum of emotional sensitivity. There are less sensitive people, who might have more subdued emotional responses, be more practical and rational and could be more resilient in challenging situations. Next there are moderately sensitive people who might have more balanced emotional responses, can empathise in a boundaried way and could be more adaptable in emotionally demanding environments. Finally, there are highly sensitive people, who might be the ones who feel they are too sensitive.
Highly sensitive people (a term popularised in the 1990s by Dr Elaine Aron, who has written and researched extensively in this area) have some of these key characteristics:
Deep processing: People who are highly sensitive can tend to process information deeply, and may think about and reflect on experiences more thoroughly than others.
Overstimulation: Due to their heightened sensitivity, they can become easily overwhelmed by too much sensory input or emotional stimuli. Crowds, loud noises, and busy environments can be particularly challenging.
Emotional reactivity and empathy: Due to their high level of sensitivity, they can have strong emotional reactions to both positive and negative events. Also, they can be more empathetic, feeling others emotions deeply.
Sensitivity to subtleties: They are usually more aware of subtleties in their environment, such as slight changes in mood, light, or sound, and they often notice things that others might miss.
Sensitivity to stimuli: This includes being more affected by caffeine, medications, or even pain.
Having this level of sensitivity, when in balance, can be of enormous benefit to the sensitive person. They can have a high degree of empathy, be highly creative and have an incredible attention to detail – seeing things that others are unaware of. The down side, however, is that they can be easily overwhelmed, can be very sensitive to criticism and the intensity of emotions can be difficult to manage.
So what should you do if you feel you are a highly sensitive person and are ‘too sensitive’?
Firstly, make friends with your sensitivity! This can seem counterintuitive, especially when it can seem like your sensitivity cause you a lot of suffering. However, acknowledging and accepting your sensitivity is the first step to getting it into balance. The next steps could be working with some of the following:
Learning how to moderate: Moderating our sensitivity is an important skill to learn. Being able to dial it down in overwhelming and stressful situations is key to not becoming dysregulated with emotions.
Emotional regulation: Similar to moderating sensitivity, is learning how to regulate. With the former we are turning down our sensitivity, with the latter it is about learning how to step back when our sensitivity is becoming overwhelming.
Boundaries: Learning how to set boundaries is very important for highly sensitive people, and having firm boundaries can protect you emotional wellbeing.
Self-care: Highly sensitive people should pay particular attention to self-care, such as regular breaks, enough sleep, good diet, exercise, and having quiet time to recharge.
Mindfulness: Learning mindfulness can not only help us with relaxation and stress management, it can also help us to notice our underlying thought patterns. The more we start to notice them, the more able we are able to step out of them.
Support: Getting support from a therapist who has a good understanding of high sensitivity and how to manage it can be vital, as learning to manage sensitivity takes time and can be challenging.
If you feel you are highly sensitive, then do remember that this a natural and important trait, and once it is in balance it becomes an incredible gift.
Dr Simon Cassar is an integrative existential therapist, trained in Person-Centred Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), and Existential Psychotherapy. He is available in our Hove and Lewes clinics and also works online.
Blogs by Dr Simon Cassar
Is spirituality an escape from reality?
Spirituality and mental health
