Counselling and psychotherapy have for many decades been referred to as ‘the talking cure’. Thanks to the increasing weight of evidence from neuroscience research, it is now increasingly being acknowledged that this is a very poor definition of what constitutes effective therapy (and in practice, a very limited way of helping clients).
Good therapy is actually ‘an affect communicating and affect regulating cure’ (Allan Schore). What does this mean? It means that good therapy is a process whereby the therapist attunes to the emotional system of the client helping them understand what that system is saying and then enables the client to learn to regulate their emotions so as to not become overwhelmed or too stressed.
Stress has become a very negative word in recent years and many of us believe that what we should do is minimise stress as much as possible. Whilst it is true and fully acknowledged by the NHS that too much stress can lead to psychological, emotional and physical health problems, too little is not good for us either. Counselling can be a highly effective way to deal with, manage and understand stress correctly.
We all need stimulation, excitement, engagement and challenges to enable us to feel like we are living a fulfilling and meaningful life. However, it is when these ‘stressors’ start to become too much that we can become overwhelmed and ‘stressed-out’. When we are stressed-out, our anxiety levels increase, we shift from being able to field demands on us to feeling like we are drowning. Most importantly though, is what starts to happen with our autonomic nervous system (ANS) as we start to feel stressed: our heart beat increases; our breathing becomes shallower; our pupils dilate meaning we literally cease to be able to ‘see the big picture’; and our system moves through readiness towards a ‘fight or flight’ state.
This fight or flight state, more technically known as our ANS moving from parasympathetic to sympathetic engagement, is designed for us to deal with immediate threats such as, in evolutionary terms, a sabre-toothed tiger hunting us down. It shuts down non-essential systems and focuses on us simply trying to survive. When this engagement of our fight or flight is happening regularly, or even on a continual basis, all our systems are under enormous stress and something will eventually need to give.
How can we help?
Returning to the principle that therapy is the art of attunement – of emotional system to emotional system communication and regulation – in the short-term counselling or psychotherapy can help you bring things back into perspective, to step back from the stressors and feel heard, understood and validated.
We all have different ‘fight or flight’ thresholds and feel different responses to different stressors. For example, the prospect of giving a presentation to 100 colleagues can feel exciting to one person (their ANS moves into readiness) and for another it can be paralysing (their ANS becomes overwhelmed and freezes up). Much of how we respond is influenced by past experiences, or trauma, which can be worked through, and much is influenced by how we perhaps simply did not learn at a very young age how to regulate our emotions – we were insufficiently emotionally attuned to and insufficiently emotionally validated.
Longer term work around stress is a three-fold process of experiencing emotional attunement and validation and learning to do this for ourselves; learning to self-care and identify significant stressors and manage them better; employing resources such as a daily meditation practice, healthy diet and focusing on good sleep.
We can only learn to really self-care once we feel entitled to our emotions (through validation), and can trust that we can feel our feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them: rather than being a problem, emotions tell us when we want or need more or less of something or, in the case of anger, when a boundary of ours is being crossed.
Once you have become more confident in self-caring, you can start a process of becoming curious about what specifically helps you in managing stress, staying on top of your emotions whilst being guided by them, being able to recognise and protect your boundaries and increase your overall tolerance for stress.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is stress?
Stress is an ordinary part of life. However not when it becomes overwhelming. When we say that we feel stressed, we are actually communicating that we are struggling to cope with the intensity of our emotions. Stress is linked to other mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety and prolonged periods of stress can bring on these conditions. Psychotherapy works two-fold in helping you with stress: it helps you to ‘down-regulate’ (calm down) and over the longer term helps you to better manage difficult experiences and emotions leading to feeling stressed.
How do I know if I am suffering with stress?
Experiencing and suffering with stress are two very different experiences. We all need a degree of stress to feel motivated, however, suffering with stress is never helpful. It may be that you are going through a particularly stressful event such as bereavement or divorce and need help managing your stress in the short-term. Or it may be that you are stressed for more complex underlying and possibly traumatic reasons. Either way, if you are struggling to cope with feeling overwhelmed then it may be that your stress levels are too high.
What are the symptoms of stress?
Everyone experiences events and thus stress differently. However, we all have the capacity to become ‘too stressed’ or overwhelmed and the symptoms for this can include: anxiety, depression, anger problems, sleeplessness and physical symptoms such as panic attacks.
What happens in a first session?
The first session with one of our practitioners is an opportunity for you both to work out whether you feel able to work together. Your psychotherapist or psychologist will likely ask you various questions relating to what has brought you, and explain the process of therapy to you. The first session is a two-way process where you have the opportunity to ask questions and to decide whether you feel ‘safe enough’ working with your therapist.
How do I find a psychotherapist or psychologist I want to work with?
At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we have two physical practices, one in Hove and one in Lewes, where we offer a full range of psychological therapies. On our website you can view each profile of our associates and contact them directly using the form on their profile page. You can also use our handy search function to find the right practitioner for your needs.
How long will it take for me to see a psychologist or psychotherapist?
We aim to respond to all enquiries within twenty-four hours. You may either contact one of our practitioners directly via their profile page, or you can contact us directly and we will assist you in finding the right person to see as soon as possible. If the practitioner you wish to see has space then an appointment can usually be arranged within a week and sometimes much sooner.
Do you offer couples or group sessions?
We offer counselling and psychotherapy for individuals, couples, families and groups. To find out about the types of session we can offer, get in touch with us today. We will find a date and time that works best for everyone involved and we will make sure everyone feels as comfortable as possible.
How can I get in touch with you?
You can contact our practitioners directly via the contact forms on their profile pages. They will then reply to you directly.
What age groups of clients do you work with?
We have psychotherapists and psychologists trained to work with most age groups from children through to adults.
Do you offer evening and/or weekend sessions?
We offer sessions every day of the week including on Saturdays and sessions are available into the evening.
What are your fees?
Our fees are set by each practitioner depending on the type of therapy. For individual psychotherapy or clinical psychology our fees range from £75 – £100 per session. For couple therapy our fees range from £85 – £100 per session.
To find out more about how Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy can help with counselling for stress get in touch with us today and arrange your initial consultation. At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we have two physical practices, one in Hove and one in Lewes, where we offer a full range of psychological therapies. On our website, you can view each profile of our associates and contact them directly using the form on their profile page. You can also use our handy search function to find the right practitioner for your needs.
If you are considering online therapy, take a look at our online therapy services.
All the content on this page has been reviewed and vetted by Mark Vahrmeyer UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, Supervisor and Co-Founder of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy. For any questions or more information about the subjects discussed on this page please contact us.