After many years of hard work, when life was finally falling into place, does it feel like everything is suddenly changing? That you’re blinking into a life transition you neither asked for nor saw coming?
In this article we’ll be discussing life transitions: how they can challenge us at a deep and even existential level, how our natural response can be to resist at all costs, the opportunities this process offers that we don’t necessarily see, and how we might better navigate this process.
The shock of change – even when expected
Many of life’s transitions are a common and known feature of the human experience, whether in middle-age, as we approach retirement or, in fact, at any other time across a lifespan. However, this logical view doesn’t really help us understand how we ourselves experience these seismic shifts.
The lived experience of a transition is often unexpected, if not a shock, arriving when we’re focused on something entirely different. Many of the fundamental building blocks we’ve nurtured and lovingly grown in our lives can suddenly feel threatened: our relationships, our work, our identity, our health. Each transition is different and unique, but at their most extreme they can feel like everything we’ve built is suddenly being washed out to sea – and all we can do is stand on the shore and watch it unravel.
Resisting the tide: why we push back against change
It’s therefore not surprising that these unplanned-for life changes can make us feel giddy and fearful. Instead of enjoying the fruits of all our life’s work, we’re desperately trying to hold onto what hasn’t already been swept away, worried about where it will all end.
The truth is that we’re being confronted with the need to accept that the life we’ve known is now changing course, as if it had a mind of its own. And the future we thought we knew, we now realise we don’t. And as our worries deepen, our daily life can drain of colour. So, it’s not therefore surprising that we throw everything at stopping this uninvited invader; we dig in to resist change at all costs.
And yet, building up high walls to defend ourselves from change doesn’t work either, and will only cause us more pain. We simply can’t stop the transition happening, no more than we can stop the incoming tide. It therefore serves us better to work with and not against transitional change, though this can feel counterintuitive initially.
This isn’t to diminish the difficulty you’re currently experiencing, but the reality is that by engaging with the process you’ll waste less energy fighting it, and you’ll be more likely to benefit from its opportunities. It’s just difficult to see these opportunities when you’re crouched down in your bunker.
As fearsome as the transition might look to you right now, by working with it, it becomes easier to manage and more easily offers up its insights. Such as starting to see what’s really happening to you, seeing past the fears that preoccupy you, understanding yourself in new and deeper ways, and better equipping yourself for what lies ahead.
The role of psychotherapy when life shifts without warning
The aim therefore is to take an active part in navigating this vital transition. By breathing in and stepping into the process it is more likely to open up to you and present its riches. And there will be riches. Yes, there will also be difficulties to deal with, but it is through working with them that they will lessen and dissipate, enabling you to move forwards. This might sound easier said than done but this is where psychotherapy can play a crucial part.
The role of the psychotherapist is to be alongside you through this process, as you start to navigate your way, keeping you steady in choppier waters, and open to receive and make sense of what emerges. In this way, a transition is about learning to engage with where you are now, understand your experience in ways that better
help you, see the options available to you, and decide how you want to proceed.
Therefore, an active engagement with this vital process can enable you to steer your own course as you enter this new chapter in life.
To enquire about psychotherapy sessions with Thad Hickman, please contact him here, or to view our full clinical team, please click here.
Thad is an experienced psychotherapeutic counsellor and a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). He works long-term with individuals in our Lewes and Brighton and Hove practices.
Further reading by Thad Hickman
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