Put another way, is getting anything less than 100% not acceptable to you, and a trigger for uncomfortable feelings of failure, of not being good enough, of self-criticism, self-doubt and shame? In my experience as a psychotherapist, a personal drive for perfection is often the root cause of distress in many of those seeking therapy….
The 13th century Persian poet Rumi invites us to wait in the unknown in his well known poem Guest House, to wait and see what transformations might occur. This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome…
Nel Tuo Tempo…….In Your Yime The artist Olafur Eliasson’s exhibition ‘Nel Tuo Tempo’ was described as addressing the ‘subjective perception and shared experience’ of a Florentine building. He did this using light, colour and shadow. Some of the twenty exhibits were complex structures, others were more about how we see the building in which the…
We are living in the age of narcissism – or so the media would like us to believe. People in The West seem to be focussed largely on themselves and the pursuit of happiness – the answer to which for increasing numbers of the populace is to be found in the soundbites of TikTok celebrities…
I have just watched the latest Netflix docu series “How to Become a Cult Leader?” and was pleased to see that images of the cult I grew up in appear in it with frequency, because it means it is undoubtedly and widely recognised as a cult. Familiar images of the cult leader doing “energy darshans”…
It is a process whereby our bodies experience environmental stressors as a threat to our physical survival, thereby releasing stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. This is an essential part of all mammal’s fear or threat response, which has become maladaptive in the modern world, as the threats we experience in modern life often…
The menopause is an important life transition for women. In more recent years there has been more awareness about the menopause, meaning women are more willing to talk about it with each other and their partners. The question is what is the best way to talk about the menopause with your partner, formerly still a…
Since the time of Sigmund Freud, clinical terms around psychology have made their way into everyday language. Narcissism is no exception to this and yet it stands in a category of its own for both how ubiquitous it has become in popular culture, alongside also being so misunderstood. Frequently used as a term of insult…
The official definition of contentment is “freedom from worry or restlessness: peaceful satisfaction”. I would define contentment as a state of inner quiet and peace, and a satisfaction with oneself and with life. This is not linked to material satisfaction, which is usually temporary and unsubstantial, but more of an acceptance of who one is…
The foundation of the paradigm shift in how we now view mental health, or as I prefer to consider to consider my field, emotional distress, is one where the problem is increasingly located in the individual as a disorder, rather than in the environment that the individual finds themselves. The inception of this paradigm in…
Low self-esteem stems from beliefs that we have about ourselves, a negative self-evaluation which is usually rooted in childhood experiences. The way we were spoken to, treated, and made to feel as children has a significant impact on how we see and therefore relate to ourselves later in life. Some of us may also have…
Spirituality is an important part of our existence. It can provide meaning and purpose, give us a sense of well-being and peace, and provide a philosophical way of being that gives us an ethical code and a way of dealing with adversity. Additionally, it is an important part of personal development that enables us to…
“Dr Meades asks Daphne how she can help. ‘It’s rather personal dear.’ Dr Meades smiles encouragingly, … ‘You see I’m about to embark on a love affair. It hasn’t quite begun yet, but it will be … well, frankly, quite a passionate business.’ Dr Meades’s face retained its amiable smile. Only her eyes widened to…
Why are stories so important to us humans? Human beings are the story species. From the earliest mythic hunts retold around tribal fires to the modern-day family evenings spent bingeing on the latest Netflix series, stories have captivated us. And yet, when it comes to our own life story, we are more liable to tell…
I was recently invited onto the Podcast ‘Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri’ to talk about the topic of ‘Belonging’. The discussion centred around our mutual experience of growing up in cultures that were not of our families of origin. Annalisa is technically a ‘second culture kid’, and I am a ‘third culture kid’ – the latter…
Most therapy groups run once a week. In our practice at Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we also offer a twice weekly group, but how does having a second session in the week help? Emotional bonds An essential aspect of any group therapy is building emotional relationships between group members, enabling strong attachments to form. This…
This blog follows on from my previous one called ‘Food and Mood‘ and provides you with food examples. Wholegrain cereals, peas, beans, lentils, nuts, seeds, fruits and vegetables are rich in a range of vitamins and minerals that your body needs to function well. They also digest slowly, helping to provide a slow and steady…
The links between mood, mental health, sleep quality and nutrition are areas of research interest. Associations between the type and quality of a person’s diet and risk of anxiety and depression are increasingly described in literature. Complexities around the multidirectional relationship between diet and mental health are becoming more understood (Firth et al 2020) and…
In recent weeks I have seen various articles espousing the virtues of having an ‘AI companion’ or chatbot friend. Apparently these are particularly popular with the younger demographic. One of these is ‘Replika’ – a prophetic name if there ever was one. Chatbot ‘friends’ are touted as being helpful in alleviating loneliness through to functioning…
Just as what goes up must come down, so whatever begins must end. Each of us comes to deal with this existential reality imposed on our own lives and all the living beings that we care for. As truly relational creatures we humans encounter the inescapable fact of death in those who die before us…