The coronavirus pandemic has interrupted our lives and disrupted the status quo – that which confers normalcy and (feels like) security. As we have in recent months reorganised and adapted our lives to halt the virus in its destructive tracks we have been derailed from our personal and collective sense of forward motion (progression). Forced…
How many of us are seldom more than an arms length from our mobile phone? Our bags, clothing, even our sports wear is designed with special pockets for its’ safe keeping. For most of us it has infiltrated every sphere of life, a constant companion. Staying connected has never been so easy. Mobiles are for…
Death like birth is a one off life event. We cannot learn through our experience of either to “get it right” next time. Love on the other hand (or the act of ‘falling in love’) is an event amenable to repetition. As such it is also available for re-definition by the forces of culture –…
We are evolutionarily wired for stress. For our early ancestors, inhabiting a natural world beset with predatory dangers the flight/fight response was crucial to survival. The same alarm system exists today for the same survival purpose evolution originally intended. What is different is that today the more likely sources of threat (at least for those…
When you begin therapy you enter into a particular (perhaps peculiar) type of relationship, one with well-defined boundaries and ethics. Beyond its method and structure, at the very heart of this relationship lies empathy. As a therapist empathy means doing all you can to understand your client from inside their own experience. It requires an…
A central idea of relational psychotherapy is that our thoughts, feelings and behaviours (healthy and unhealthy) are directly related to our interpersonal relationships. Relational therapy is therefore about our self-with-other experience. We are all creatures of familial, social and political contexts, continuously formed (and forming) through our interactions with others. Relational therapy can be an…
Cultural context We are at a particular moment in our cultural and political narratives of relationship and identity where democracy itself seems under threat. The assertion in some spheres of the perceived “right” to not be offended is at odds with the right (principle) of free speech in which there is always a risk of…
Studies of happy marriages find that anger and criticism are expressed rather than repressed. However the way that they are expressed matters. Most of us are uncomfortable with expressing anger and being critical. Anger and criticism generate rejection and everyone hates rejection. More often than not criticizing and complaining create a climate of negative energy…
If we could take a child’s logic and apply it to the arena of psychological injury we may be better equipped to deal with the emotional pain and suffering that is an inescapable part of being human. None of us is immune to heart ache. We are relational beings and cannot help but be touched…
People often arrive in therapy looking for answers to life’s difficulties. This might seem like a reasonable proposition. However, it pre-supposes that there might be such a thing as a simple answer to any of the thorny challenges life presents, and, indeed, that the therapist is an “expert” on life, uniquely qualified in their provision….
From ‘the family’ to ‘the couple’ There has been a historical shift from ‘the family’ to ‘the couple’ as the central organising unit in contemporary life, with an emphasis on intimate connection. The ‘ideal’ couple of today are both friends and lovers immersed in a disclosing intimacy of mind and body. For previous generations, the…
Throughout history, the institution of marriage and our understanding and expectations of committed relationships have shifted with the socio-political and economic tides. Where once marriage was primarily an economic arrangement to maintain patriarchy and secure lineage, by the end of the 19th century, new id eas about romantic love were emerging. Whilst love was not…