Abuse

Abuse falls into four categories, each type of which leads to varying degrees of trauma: emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse.  It is suggested that spiritual abuse now be recognised as a fifth category.

Abuse is defined as systematic patterns of behaviour in a relationship that are designed to control and exercise power over another non-consenting individual. By definition, all abuse constitutes a boundary violation on another human being.

If you’d like to find out more about counselling to help with abuse of any kind, get in touch with Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy today.

Defining Abuse

Abuse may happen at any stage of your life, from childhood through to adulthood, and even during your elderly years. It can come from both those who are related to us and those who are tasked with caring for us professionally and take many different forms. It doesn’t have to be physical; it can be mental, emotional, or even a threat of abuse. One thing that all abuse has in common is pain. Whether that be physical, psychological, or both. This pain can take time to heal, and it’s important to understand that no one ‘deserves’  abuse, and help is available.

Different Types of Abuse

Abuse can present in different ways, and there are many different forms that go beyond physical and mental abuse. Knowing what to look out for could help you recognise worrying patterns or behaviour that you or someone you know might be currently experiencing, or has previously experienced. 

Emotional abuse

When we are emotionally abused we are obliged to take on the emotional experience of another, at the expense of our own. Healthy relationships rely on each of the participants being allowed to own and experience their own emotions independently of another. This applies to children too. Allowing and encouraging a child to have their emotions, does not mean that they get their way (this in fact can be abusive too). It means that a parent validates that child’s emotional response and teaches them that they can feel angry, sad or joyful, without it translating to something in the external world that needs to change. So, for example, a child can feel frightened about a trip to the dentist and a parent can validate that child’s fear – ‘it is normal to feel frightened – I feel frightened about things too sometimes’ and hold it in context ‘it is only a short visit to the dentist and it is important to have healthy teeth so that you don’t get cavities’.

Where a parent fails to validate a child’s experience, or indeed, another person ignores our emotional experience, this is unsettling and can have emotional ramifications, but it does not in and of itself constitute abuse. For abuse to be present, firstly the negative behaviour needs to be systematic – repetitive – and secondly, it needs to go beyond invalidating another’s experience: it is forcing another to deny their emotional experience – to kill it off or replace it with something the other prefers. Emotional abuse impedes emotional development and restricts us from having a full emotional life.

Psychological abuse

Psychological abuse is similar, yet different, to emotional abuse and may or may not include emotional abuse. The distinction lies in the fact that psychological abuse is generally understood to impair our intelligence, memory, recognition, perception, attention, imagination and moral development. Toxic families and cults rely on psychological abuse to force members to think a certain way and behave a certain way which directly impairs autonomous decision-making and the capacity to reason and hold various possibilities in mind.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is constituted by a boundary violation on the physical person. Contact which causes pain or discomfort and is administered without consent (in the case of an adult) or contravenes legal limits (in the case of children and adults) constitutes abuse.  There can be a significant cultural context to this definition too, particularly in the context of disciplining children whereby the act of smacking a child in the UK is considered acceptable and in most other European countries would constitute physical abuse and is legislated against. Whilst legal to smack a child in the UK, this does not mean that it is not experienced as abusive by that child.

Sexual abuse

The definition of sexual abuse is, in principle, straightforward and refers to any non-consenting sexual act or behaviour. Children, by virtue of the fact that they are younger than the age of consent, cannot legally or morally consent to engaging with any sexual behaviour with an adult.

Whilst the definition of sexual abuse may seem clear-cut, many children grow up in ‘over-sexualised’ environments or are exposed to unboundaried sexual behaviour around them that can have a significant psychological, emotional and sexual impact, and constitutes abuse.

Sexual abuse is often considered the most devastating type of abuse both to process as a client and to work with as a clinician. It can bring with it significant trauma and only psychotherapists experienced in this type of work should work with sexual abuse, as the probability of re-traumatising this client group is high.

Direct or indirect experience of emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can leave us with deep scars which impact to varying degrees on our relationship to self and others. Some of the effects of abuse include heightened anxiety, post-traumatic stress, anger, shame, dissociation, mistrust and self-harm and low or debilitating self-esteem.

Working therapeutically with abuse and trauma entails first of all establishing a climate of safety and trust which can take some time. It is only then that you can begin to look at how your previous experiences are impacting your life today.

Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is caused by someone who has narcissistic personality disorder – a mental condition where the individual has an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a deep need for attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Abuse from a narcissist usually presents as words and actions that manipulate a person’s emotional state and behaviour.

Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse is more common in the UK than people think, with nearly one in three women aged 16-59 experiencing it in their lifetime. Domestic abuse can present as physical, emotional, or both. It includes threatening behaviour, physical violence, or emotional manipulation between two people who are in a relationship. As well as romantic partners, this can also include family members or non-romantic relationships.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse tends to happen alongside other forms of abuse. It’s about coercive control, where an individual tries to limit or control their partner’s freedom of choice. This may include:

• Using credit cards without permission
• Putting contractual obligations like loans or phone contracts in your name
• Gambling family assets
• Taking money away from an individual
• Preventing or restricting from making, using, and maintaining of an individual’s own money

Elder Abuse

Elder abuse involves the physical harm, neglect, or exploitation of an elderly person. It’s often committed by someone close to the individual, such as a family member, friend, carer, or healthcare provider.

Child Abuse

No one knows the exact number of children who experience child abuse in the UK, as many adults may not recognise the signs and the child may be too young, scared, or ashamed to tell anyone. Child abuse is defined as anyone under the age of 18 being deliberately harmed or not looked after, and can present in different ways, including:

• Physical child abuse – the intentional use of physical force to harm a child, e.g. hitting, slapping, shaking, burning.
• Emotional child abuse – behaviour from parents or caregivers that interferes with a child’s emotional development and self-worth. E.g. threats, rejection, humiliation, withholding love.
• Sexual child abuse – any sexual activity with a child, including physical and non-physical contact that exploits the child.
• Neglect – the failure of a parent or caregiver to meet a child’s basic physical, emotional, educational, and medical needs. E.g. unable to provide food, shelter, clothing, or healthcare.

Why Do People Abuse?

The reasons why people abuse differ from person to person, but it’s often because of the desire to exert power and control over another. Abuse is never caused by the victim’s behaviour. Abuse is a learned behaviour that may have been seen throughout the abuser’s childhood, culture, or inner circle. Here’s a closer look.

• Power and control – the desire to dominate or control another individual, or that they have the right to control someone’s life and decisions.
• Learned behaviour – witnessing abuse in the home or community growing up, or being abused themselves by parents, peers, or relationships.
• Culture and social factors – social norms and cultural beliefs that support or tolerate gender inequality and violence.
• Psychological – some abusers may have personality disorders, mental health issues, or substance abuse, which can be linked with abuse.

Although there are contributing factors, abusers are responsible for their own actions.

How we treat abuse

If a client is at risk, we will work with them to exit that situation by helping them prepare for how to leave and the steps they take immediately after. Although psychotherapy is not specifically solution-focused, having a therapist alongside you to help you plan is invaluable.

Rebuilding trust

Both neglectful and abusive behaviour, especially in families, tells the child or victim that they do not matter to the people or person who should matter most. This emotional betrayal can be very difficult to process and overcome later in life. Much of the abuse treatment is in helping clients feel able to trust again.

Addressing shame and emotional wounds

Children who have been abused or neglected can often feel deep shame and wrongly believe their suffering was their own fault. Our therapists gently explore these beliefs in order for the client to develop self-compassion and a more accurate narrative of their experience.

Working through trauma

Trauma work is a vital part of recovery, as many survivors dissociate from their feelings. We help our clients safely reconnect with these buried emotions, and offer techniques to process these feelings and memories.

Validation

A large part of the healing process from abuse is simply being believed and heard. Therapy offers a space where clients’ experiences are validated – often for the first time.

At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, our therapists focus on slowly establishing a trusting relationship with their clients. By building trust through a range of techniques and a strong therapeutic relationship, clients can begin to form or improve relationships with themselves and other people.

The Benefits of Abuse Counselling

Anyone who has experienced abuse will need support to process and recover from their experiences. Here’s why:

• Emotional healing – counselling is a safe space to express and process emotions such as anger, guilt, shame, or sadness.
• Improved mental health – talking about your abuse and finding ways to deal with the emotions that come from it can reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other emotional issues.
• Increased self-esteem – abuse can lead to struggles with low self-worth. Counselling helps rebuild confidence and self-respect.
• Coping strategies – abuse counselling can offer strategies to cope with stress and triggers in everyday life.
• Better relationships – emotions leftover from abusive relationships can carry into future ones. Counselling can help you build trust and communication skills for healthier relationships.
• Support – you will receive support from a trained professional. Being heard and believed can help you towards recovery.

Why Choose Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy

At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapists, we have a team of highly trained and qualified therapists who have extensive experience in helping victims of abuse manage their anxiety, depression, and PTSD. We tailor each individual session to the unique needs of our clients, and ensure we create a safe, non-judgmental, and secure space. We have offices in Brighton, Hove, and Lewes that are easily accessible via car or public transport.

Legal & reporting

In the UK, there are laws and policies that are specially designed to protect abuse victims. These include:

• Domestic Abuse Act 2021 – an act that recognises abuse as mental and emotional as well as physical. It gives the court power to issue protective orders.
• The Care Act 2014 – places a duty on local authorities to promote the well-being of individuals when carrying out care and support functions.
• Laws against child abuse and neglect – mandatory protection obligations through social care and criminal laws against a range of types of abuse, e.g. neglect, harm, exploitation.
• Rights to seek protection through court – injunctions, restraining orders, occupation orders, etc.

How to report abuse

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, there are several ways you can get help. The route you take can depend on the type of abuse, how urgent the situation is, and your confidentiality preferences:

• Immediate danger – call 999 (police)
• Non-urgent but serious concern – call or contact the local police (101 in England & Wales) or visit a police station.
• Suspected child neglect or abuse – contact children’s social care at your local council.
• Abuse of older people/in care settings – contact your local council’s adult social care team. In cases involving staff or care homes, also report to the relevant regulators.
• Domestic abuse – police or local domestic abuse services, refuge organisations, Independent Domestic Violence Advisors (IDVAs).

How to support abuse victims

If you know someone who has been abused or is currently being abused, it can be difficult to know what to do to help them. Your first thought may be to protect or save them, but intervening could be potentially dangerous for them and you. Instead, you can take a few steps to support them:

• Create a safe space for them to open up
• Tell them you’re worried about them
• Don’t judge, build their confidence and use supportive language
• Encourage them to seek help
• Be patient

Treatments for abuse

At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we offer a range of treatments for abuse victims; however the route that your therapist chooses to take will be individual to their client’s specific needs and circumstances.

We offer:

• CBT
• EMDR
• Trauma psychotherapy
• Analytic psychotherapy

If you’d like to find out more about counselling to help with abuse of any kind, get in touch with Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy today. At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we have two physical practices, one in Hove and one in Lewes, where we offer a full range of psychological therapies. On our website you can view each profile of our associates and contact them directly using the form on their profile page. You can also use our handy search function to find the right practitioner for your needs.

If you are considering online therapy, take a look at our online therapy services.