When life feels like it’s getting on top of us, it can feel like there’s no space for our thoughts and feelings to be heard. This can make us feel isolated, and the problems we’re trying to deal with seem a lot worse. This points to the core of what therapy offers: physical and psychological space … [Read more...]
Don’t tear down psychological fences until you understand their purpose
In the field of social reform there is a wise principle called ‘Chesterton’s fence’ which, in simple terms, suggests that reforms should not be implemented until the existing state of affairs is understood. In other words, don’t tear down a fence until you understand why it was erected in the first … [Read more...]
Radical self-care as an antidote to overwhelm
‘It’s all too much’There are times in life when things get to a point where it is all too much. Usually, as a result of an accumulation of emotional, mental and physical demands without much respite. For instance, ongoing personal or professional conflict, a pervasive sense of stuckness, … [Read more...]
How do I become more assertive?
Ask any psychotherapist what the goal of therapy is and you will likely get a slightly different answer. However, I would suggest that assertiveness is a core aspect of the work - allow me to explain.Assertiveness is relational in context. We can and need courage to go forth in life but … [Read more...]
I worked as a psychotherapist with death. Here’s what I learnt
Most psychotherapists have specific experience in one or multiple fields and one of mine happens to be death.From 2012 to 2016, I worked at a large UK hospice as part of the clinical team supporting both patients and relatives. The work was confronting, humbling and hugely varied and it taught … [Read more...]
The adult survivor of neglect and abuse – lifelong considerations
Children who have been neglected and/or abused live to one degree or another with a lifelong legacy which can impact every aspect of their lives. Depending on the severity of abuse and neglect, the impact on the relationship with self and others will be significant and show up in many ways. I have … [Read more...]
What is love?
Perhaps a question that has occupied humans since the dawn of time, it may seem like an odd title for an article, however, the answer to this question in psychological terms is profound.What love is notFirstly, love is not really what most people believe it to be; the opposite of … [Read more...]
What is the difference between loving and longing?
Loving and longing can be frequently found in song lyrics nestled up alongside each other as though they are somehow related, however, I would suggest that psychologically they are very different and perhaps opposites, especially in the context of relationships.To understand longing, we need to … [Read more...]
When something has to change
So you’ve known for a while that something isn’t right? Maybe a destabilising anxiety is affecting your daily life or a dark mood is getting harder to shake off? Maybe arguments in your closest relationship keep cycling around an endless loop? Still, you’ve pressed on with the hope that this is just … [Read more...]
Embracing a mindful new year: achieving resolutions with ACT therapy
As we step into the new year, many of us are eager to set resolutions and make positive changes in our lives. However, we often find ourselves struggling to stick to these goals. This year, lets explore how acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can guide us in setting meaningful resolutions and … [Read more...]
It’s not me…it’s us!
(Projections, roles, and polarisations in the ‘couple’ dynamic)In this article, I will think about the ways in which project into each other when in a couple relationship, often creating roles diametrically opposed to each other. As I will suggest, these dynamics are generally unhelpful and … [Read more...]
Why do we expect women to smile and not men?
I was recently asked to provide comment to Huffpost on why it seems that we judge women who don’t smile harshly. This got me thinking about this significant difference between men and women and considering whether it is social conditioning, biologically primed or a combination of both.Mammalian … [Read more...]
There are no shortcuts to growth
We are surrounded by promises of quick fixes and simple solutions to complex problems. If only there was a way to make life instantly better or make the pain go away quickly. Hence the popularity of drugs and other substances, both prescribed and illegal. Addictive behaviour is about instant … [Read more...]
Is there something wrong with me for hating Christmas?
Everybody loves Christmas. That’s a fact. At least if you watch how it is portrayed by the media and subscribe to the collective mania of ‘preparing for the big day’….......Of course, the reality is that many of us find Christmas difficult and for some it can feel unbearable. We have the … [Read more...]
Five good reasons to be in therapy
There are quite a few reasons for people to begin therapy and continue in it for extended periods of time. Beyond some of the most commonly listed reasons such as treating anxiety and/or depression and helping with relationship issues, below are some of the reasons which take a longer-term view of … [Read more...]