I was recently asked to provide comment to Huffpost on why it seems that we judge women who don’t smile harshly. This got me thinking about this significant difference between men and women and considering whether it is social conditioning, biologically primed or a combination of both.Mammalian … [Read more...]
There are no shortcuts to growth
We are surrounded by promises of quick fixes and simple solutions to complex problems. If only there was a way to make life instantly better or make the pain go away quickly. Hence the popularity of drugs and other substances, both prescribed and illegal. Addictive behaviour is about instant … [Read more...]
Is there something wrong with me for hating Christmas?
Everybody loves Christmas. That’s a fact. At least if you watch how it is portrayed by the media and subscribe to the collective mania of ‘preparing for the big day’….......Of course, the reality is that many of us find Christmas difficult and for some it can feel unbearable. We have the … [Read more...]
Five good reasons to be in therapy
There are quite a few reasons for people to begin therapy and continue in it for extended periods of time. Beyond some of the most commonly listed reasons such as treating anxiety and/or depression and helping with relationship issues, below are some of the reasons which take a longer-term view of … [Read more...]
Why do some of us feel a constant sense of dread?
Feeling dread is dreadfulA constant or pervasive sense of dread is an almost unbearable experience. Rather than being a feeling, it tends to manifest as a bodily experience that comprises a cluster of symptoms such as a heavy feeling in the pit of one’s stomach, a sense of agitation, fast … [Read more...]
The Christmas couples clash
What do Christmas and marriage have in common? Answer: they both come with high expectations of maximum harmony and happiness, imposing ideals that regularly confound our experience.This November a major retail chain unveiled its Christmas TV ad featuring celebrities destroying seasonal … [Read more...]
Is there a good way to break up with someone?
Breaking up with someone is hard to do. Often we feel a degree of ambivalence about our own emotions and our instinct is to both find the easiest and fastest way of ‘just ending it’.Whilst this may seem seductive, the easiest and fastest way is often more likely to cause conflict and to leave us … [Read more...]
How therapy can help with anger issues
Anger. We all experience it, most of us fear it in others – and also in ourselves because the process of being angry is uncomfortable and exhausting.But why do we get angry and how can psychotherapy help us deal with it more effectively?Sam Jahara has covered anger management in in other BHP … [Read more...]
Can self-care become an identity?
Barely a day goes by without self care and specifically mental health being talked about in the media. And with this the long-standing taboo around men’s mental health is finally dissipating and more and more men are both willing to talk about their struggles and to admit the benefits they have got … [Read more...]
Mental health in retirement
PlanningRetirement planning, looking ahead to a time of not working and speculating on what the next part of life might be, is part of our working world. This preparation for retiring acknowledges an approaching ending and begins the transition to a life after work. The preparation for one’s … [Read more...]
How does CBT help with low self esteem?
What is Low Self Esteem?This is when we think negatively about ourselves, we don’t feel good enough. We are likely to get into self-critical thinking, think others are better than us and blame ourselves when things go wrong. We are likely to focus on our negatives and not on our achievements, … [Read more...]
How does CBT Work?
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is particularly interested in our thoughts and our behaviours. It looks at the interaction between our thoughts, feelings (moods), physical sensations, and behaviours. When we experience a triggering situation, we often notice an internal shift in how we are feeling … [Read more...]
When it comes to change, is it better to stop or to start?
Stop the Boats! You may be familiar with this recent government slogan referring to the persistent behaviour of vulnerable people, risking their very lives in setting out to sea in search of a better future. For me, regardless of how any of us might respond to this slogan in terms of our values or … [Read more...]
Can psychotherapy help narcissists?
In my last two blogs on the topic of narcissism, I have covered off what narcissism is (and is not), and provided my perspective on whether we are, collectively, becoming more narcissistic.In this final blog (for now) on this topic, I shall offer my perspective on the commonly asked question of … [Read more...]
Do you have unrelenting standards?
Put another way, is getting anything less than 100% not acceptable to you, and a trigger for uncomfortable feelings of failure, of not being good enough, of self-criticism, self-doubt and shame?In my experience as a psychotherapist, a personal drive for perfection is often the root cause of … [Read more...]